


Suppressive Fire

by GrayRainbow173



Series: Braving the Elements [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cliffhangers, Complete, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 49,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25402399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayRainbow173/pseuds/GrayRainbow173
Summary: COMPLETE: Seven of Nine tries to comfort the Captain after a failed First Contact mission. Forgetting how dangerous emotions can be.Takes place somewhere after S07E17 Human Error and it does not follow the cannon storyline.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Series: Braving the Elements [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894309
Comments: 175
Kudos: 142





	1. Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language so I am sorry for the mistakes.  
> Please let me know what you think.

Her eyes followed her captain as she was pacing in front of her. They were in the Captain's quarters, another testament of how upset she was. Only here would she really break down. True, they had had multiple emotional discussions in her Ready Room but only in her quarters would the Captain truly show her most vulnerable side. And right now it was fully exposed. 

Seven pushed down her own irritation at this. She did not like to see the Captain so distressed. Especially as she had no good reason to be so upset with herself. So another First Contact with an alien species in the Delta Quadrant had gone amiss, that was to be expected. The chances of running into a species that could mix well with all the humans, Vulcans and other Federation species that lived on this ship were slim to begin with. However, unfortunately, failed missions with First Contact bothered the Captain the most. Making First Contact was one of the responsibilities of the captain and as a result she felt overly responsible for the recent failure. 

“How are we ever going to get through this godforsaken quadrant if I keep messing up like this?” the Captain muttered to herself but of course Seven could hear her just fine. This was not the first time that Seven was in here, alone with a distressed Captain.

The first few times she had felt really uncomfortable, not knowing how she could make the conversation end as quickly as possible. That had always been her objective in those situations: figuring out a way to get out of there as fast as possible. Now, she felt not only honored that the Captain was sharing these moments with her but she was still a bit surprised too. Why would the Captain trust _her_ of all people? Of all the species walking around on Voyager, the Borg did not rank high on a list of trustworthy confidants. 

But the Captain had always been different. She saw something in Seven. Their relationship had not always been easy but it was stronger than ever. Because of that, Seven was no longer looking for an easy way out but was trying very hard to find the words to comfort her Captain, her friend. “Captain, you have to stop blaming yourself for this situation. You did everything Starfleet protocol required of you. This species was simply not compatible with our way of communicating.” 

The Captain stopped pacing for a moment and looked into Seven’s eyes before answering. What was she looking for? Did she think that she was lying? Because she wasn’t. The Captain was not to blame for this.

“Sometimes protocol isn’t enough, Seven. Sometimes a captain has to look beyond and find new ways to establish communication. I failed in that.” The Captain’s shoulders dropped, as if she could finally feel her own exhaustion. She walked to her couch to sit down and motioned for Seven to follow.

Even though Seven still preferred to stand, she no longer hated sitting down. Especially not with her Captain. Letting her sit down was an invitation to continue the conversation.

Again Seven tried to counter the irrational guilt trip her Captain was clearly having. “No one on this ship could have figured out a way to talk to them. That is probably also the reason why no other species we have encountered has had any longstanding relations with them, aside from some trade agreements. Some species are not meant for interspecies contact. Some are better left alone.”

Her voice trailed off at this last sentence and the Captain looked up at the change in her tone. Seven quickly looked away.

She did not want her to see the emotions that accompanied her unbidden thought that had resurfaced because of that last sentence. Some are better left alone. Some are not suited for relationships. Like people with a cortical node in their head that would cause neural shock if any intense emotions were felt. Still this was not the time to dwell on that, not even now that she was sitting right next to Kathryn which often caused exactly those kind of emotions to rise up in her. She needed to comfort her Captain, make her see what an amazing leader she was... what an amazing woman.

“The truth is, Captain, if you were not the Captain of this ship, Voyager would have been stranded or destroyed a long time again. It probably would not even have survived the first encounters with the Kazon and it definitely would not have survived the Borg.”

“That is kind of you to say, Seven. But I had a lot of help there from Chakotay and we escaped Borg space thanks to Kes. I can’t claim those victories for myself.” Kathryn countered while she wrung her hand together in her lap.

It looked so uncomfortable, as if she was trying to tear out her fingers. Seven quickly reached out and placed her right hand, her human hand, over the Captains fingers. Unconsciously, she started soothing them, stroking the skin instead of tearing at it. 

“Commander Chakotay, Kes and all the others on this ship would not be who they are today without you Kathryn.” Seven kept her eyes firmly on their interlocked hands, therefore she did not notice how Kathryn's eyes glanced up at the use of her first name. “Without you, they would not have been able to serve Voyager as they did and do now. Without you, they would not have come this far through the Delta Quadrant. Without you, _I_ especially would not be who I am today.”

Seven knew she was rambling and should stop. She already felt light headed but now that she was talking, she found that she could not stop. “You saved me from the Borg. You made me human again. You taught me about humanity, about art, about friendship, about love.”

She was aware of how her voice started trembling but still couldn't stop. The rational part of her was desperately trying to steer the conversation back to the failed First Contact mission and away from words like love. “You were patient with me when I was disobedient, stubborn and downright intolerable. And you were patient with these traders too. It is not your fault that they rejected our offer. You did everything you could and that is a lot more than anyone else could have done. I wish that one day you will see yourself the way I see you.”

The following silence was deafening to her ears. She had completely frozen up as she realized she had said a lot more than she had intended.

Slowly one of the Captain’s hand removed itself from her grasp. Seven prepared herself for a complete withdrawal of both hands. Then the captain would stand up and after some awkward one liners would ask Seven to leave. Why did she have to go too far? Why could she never just find the right things to say and the stop? 

Instead, the Captain’s hand moved up and very gently cupped Seven’s chin, turning her head so her startled blue eyes were looking straight into her own.

“Seven…” Kathryn struggled to find the right words and had to swallow back some tears a few times before she could continue. “What would I do without you?”

And then she smiled.

Kathryn had the most wonderful smile. It was slightly crooked and when the smile reached her eyes her whole face would light up. Seven was completely dazzled by that smile, as she always was. But now Kathryn was so close... She was still gripping her hand in her human hand. She could feel her pulse beating through her fingers, not as fast as her own heart was going though. And Kathryn’s other hand… Her other hand had moved from her chin to her cheek and one of her fingers was slowly stroking her there. Meanwhile Seven’s eyes could not look away from the eyes that were smiling at her.

She felt the first sparks start inside her head, the first warning sign. But her emotions were now completely overriding her other systems. Her rational side was screaming at her to calm down, to move away but she could not. Even though she knew she had to push down on her emotions they now burst forth like a fire after a thunder strike. The last thing she noticed was the smile of her beautiful captain wavering and the smiling eyes changed to a look of concern. Then everything turned to darkness.


	2. Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a comment or kudos for the first chapter. The story continues where it left off but this time the chapter is written from Kathryn's point of view.  
> All the information about the cortical node and the failsafe was taken from the episode "Human Error".  
> Please again, let me know what you think and sorry for the mistakes.

“Seven! Seven, what is happening!” Kathryn quickly grabbed the young woman by the shoulders before she could collapse, trying to shake her at the same time.

But Seven's eyes were closed and she was not responding as strange blue sparks traced over her facial implants. Instinct and years of training kicked in as Kathryn quickly hailed the computer with her combadge. “Medical emergency. Two to beam directly to Sick Bay.”

The nanosecond it took for the computer to activate the emergency transporter felt like an eternity. Her hands were shaking as she tried to hold on to Seven and then the comforting sound of the transporter surrounded them.

“Captain! What happened?” The Doctor was there immediately, activated by the medical emergency transport. He quickly took hold of Seven’s arms and together they moved her onto a biobed. All the while the Captain tried to explain something she still didn’t understand herself.

“We were in my quarters. She was… she was talking to me. We were just sitting down and then suddenly… I don’t know… suddenly she passed out and her implants started to… spark?” Her voice was breaking and trembling but she knew she had to remember as many details as possible to help the Doctor understand what was wrong with her Astrometrics Officer. 

“She is going into neural shock. I am going to have to ask you to stand back, Captain.” The Doctor said while he gently but firmly tried to push her out of the way. She still had one of Seven’s hands in her own and her other hand was on Seven’s forehead. Quickly she took three shaking steps back and leaned back against the wall as she watched the Doctor stabilize Seven. 

He seemed to know exactly what he needed to do and once again she thanked Starfleet for putting an EMH on Voyager. She tried to look at the screens showing the vital signs collected from the biobed but could not focus enough to understand them all. Instead she just focused on the one with Seven’s heartbeat on it. It was slow, way too slow, even for a Borg drone. And it was irregular, as if her heart was desperately trying to regain its rhythm and failing. What if the Doctor could not stabilize her in time?

A dark fear gripped her, making it hard to breath. Slowly she sank down along the wall that was supporting her until she was sitting on her heels. The Doctor quickly glanced in her direction but apparently deemed her fit enough that he could keep working on Seven.

After a few moments, which seemed to pass like an instant and at the same time like a lifetime, he turned to her and gently kneeled in front of her. 

“Captain, I need you to tell me exactly what happened to Seven before she passed out. I know what is wrong with her, this... has actually happened before.” He looked away from her face at that comment, looking a little uncomfortable, but continued nonetheless. “Were you two fighting or arguing perhaps?”

“What? No! No, we were… we were not fighting.” Kathryn was confused, why would she be fighting with Seven. She knew they had a bit of a reputation on the ship for their fiery discussions but they had mostly moved past that.

She gripped her own hands, the hands Seven had held in her own only a few moments before. She could still feel the smooth texture of Seven’s skin on her own fingertips from when she had stroked her cheek.

The Doctor was still looking at her expectantly, waiting for more information but sensing that the Captain was processing something. After a few moments, when the Captain did not continue, he prompted her again. “I’m sorry Captain, but the last time this happened, Seven was experiencing… some strong emotions during a fight and that is when the neural shock set in. In order to help her and to understand her condition more thoroughly I need to know what triggered this second episode.”

Whilst he was explaining this to her the Captain’s eyes moved back and forth without seeming to see anything in particular but suddenly they snapped back to the Doctor’s face. Her typical piercing glare fixated on him. She slowly stood up and her posture made it clear that she was the Captain once again.

“Why wasn’t I informed about this? You have always kept me informed about Seven’s medical condition. If she was in neural shock once before why didn’t you tell me? And who was she fighting?” Her voice was steady now, a quality she was quite proud of and had inherited from her father. No matter how emotional she got she could always find the fire within her to make her voice steady and calm without betraying the emotions she felt. 

“Captain, I am sorry but Seven has as much right to medical privacy as any other member of this crew. She asked me not to share this with you. Or with anyone else for that matter.” He quickly added the last sentence as he saw a flicker of hurt cross the Captain’s face. “Look, you have every right to ask these questions but know that I only acted on my doctor-patient-confidentiality program. If you want to know why Seven did not want to share this with you, you should ask her yourself.”

“So she is going to be fine? Why did you not wake her up yet?” Hope and an immense relief laced her voice despite her efforts to remain calm.

“Yes, she is going to be alright. You acted quickly by activating the emergency transporter. She got here in time and I have been able to stabilize her cortical node once again.” He walked back to Seven’s biobed and started to show her Seven’s vitals on the screen. “Her nanoprobes are already repairing the minor damage that was done as you can see. She should make a full recovery. When they are done, we can wake her. However, this could happen again and that is why I still need to know what happened.”

The Captain swallowed a few times. The relief of knowing that Seven was going to be okay was very overwhelming and the force of her emotions surprised her. They had been in tighter fixes than this and back then she had always kept her cool as captain. Why was this time so different? Probably because she had already been emotional to begin with. What a day this turned out to be. Heaving a big sigh she once again turned to face the Doctor’s expectant face. 

“As I said we were in my quarters, just talking. We were evaluating the failed trading mission and Seven was…” She quickly looked away, back at the sleeping woman lying on the biobed. “She was comforting me.”

A voice inside her head berated her for how lousy a summary that was. Seven had not just been comforting her. _I wish that one day you will see yourself the way I see you._ Those words, in the sweet tone of Seven’s voice, kept echoing in her head. When she closed her eyes she could still see the beautiful look in Seven’s stunning blue eyes. What she had seen there and what she had heard in Seven’s voice was a lot more than comforting. It had made her feel light and warm all over. It gave her hope that maybe… maybe. 

“I’m sorry Captain but I still don’t understand how that could have caused this.” The Doctor’s voice cut through her own confusing thoughts like ice, waking her up to the still startling reality.

“You see… Seven’s cortical node has a failsafe. A failsafe that is apparently present in every drone to prevent them from experiencing deeper emotions.” The Doctor pulled up an image of Seven’s cortical node.

Lost in his query to understand this complicated piece of Borg technology he was sharing a lot more information with the Captain than he probably should. Intrigued and concerned, the Captain decided not to point this out but to prompt him for more information. “I don’t understand. Why would they built a failsafe like that?”

“To the Borg, emotions are highly dangerous. Of course the more basic emotions are needed to survive and are therefore not suppressed. However, stronger emotions like personal hurt, deep anger or love lead to individuality. That is why the moment a drone would feel these more personal emotions, the failsafe is triggered causing the cortical node and all higher brain functions to shut down.” The Doctor sighed. “I have already told Seven that there are a series of surgeries that I could perform to change this failsafe. Like a bypass in the micro-circuitry of the node itself. However, she refused.”

He walked back to Seven and looked down at her. The Captain followed, she had momentarily been distracted by the mentioning of love but now confusion at Seven's refusal took over. “Why?” she asked, somehow the question turned into a whisper. 

“She said she had experienced ‘enough humanity’ and then she assured me it would not happen again. The… activities that prompted the first episode… she… ended them.” Suddenly the Doctor was uncomfortable again, realizing how much he had shared with the Captain. He quickly moved away back to the screen with the schematics of the node.

Kathryn knew that if she wanted to gain more information from him she had to act fast. “Doctor, apparently stopping these ‘activities’ was not enough. You can see for yourself that Seven is still in danger. When a member of my crew is in medical danger from their own behavior I need you to tell me. It is in your protocol. What were these activities that prompted this failsafe to shut down her cortical node?” The Captain had followed the Doctor to the screen and was using her full authority as captain, her voice was no longer trembling and she certainly was no longer whispering. 

The Doctor cowered under her ‘Janeway glare’ as Mr. Paris called it. Kathryn could see the internal struggle going on in his eyes but also knew that the Doctor, despite his extensive protocols, was also a bit of a blabbermouth.

Finally he sighed and gave in. “Seven was probably going to tell you anyway and you are right… maybe you should know.” He looked back at his patient and continued. “A while back Seven was running some simulations in the Holodeck. She called it research and she was trying out… different aspects of humanity. She had created a life for herself in these simulations, a life without implants or cortical node. A life where she could just be… human.”

Kathryn immediately realized when this had happened and that this must be the reason why she had never received an updated gravimetric array. Why had she never asked Seven about that? “But what do these simulations have to do with the failsafe?” She knew the answer but her scientific mind was not following along as fast as it normally would have.

The Doctor looked uncomfortable again but apparently concluded that he had already gone too far to stop now. “Seven was experimenting with fantasies… fantasies about human relationships. Romantic relationships.”

Kathryn was not prepared for the diversity of emotions triggered by this statement. The most dominant one seemed to be hope. Seven had been experimenting with romantic relationships. She wanted romance. Could that mean that she wanted what Kathryn secretly wanted herself?

Without having to prompt him again the Doctor continued. “Seven had created quarters for herself and an illusion in which her implants were no longer visible. When she went into neural shock I found her like that. Apparently she had had an argument with the holographic… date that she had also created.” The Doctor looked into the Captain’s eyes with a small endearing smile on his face. “A holographic image of Commander Chakotay.”

Chakotay… For what seemed like the millionth time that day the Captain was hit with a wave of emotional turmoil. Chakotay… But this time the emotions caused a whole different feeling. It was burning right through her, like she was being consumed by flames.


	3. Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a comment or kudos for the previous chapters.  
> The story continues where it left off and again, let me know what you think and sorry for the mistakes.

Chakotay… Seven had fantasied about having a romantic relationship with Chakotay. Kathryn had completely frozen, even though her insides were in turmoil.

Thankfully a sharp beeping from one of the screens distracted the Doctor so he did not see her reaction to his words.

“The nanoprobes have finished their work. Borg technology can be very destructive but you can’t say it is not efficient.” He walked over to the tray with the hyposprays to prepare one to wake up Seven while Kathryn’s rational side told her to find her cool and to move, Seven was about to wake up. 

Taking small steps towards the biobed again she stopped at the feet of the bed, unable to move any further. She watched as the Doctor pressed the hypospray to Seven’s neck and almost immediately her eyes fluttered open, a look of confusion in them.

“Seven.” The Doctor placed his hand on her shoulder and Seven’s eyes moved to him at the sound of his voice. “You are in Sick Bay. Everything is going to be alright. I’m afraid you cortical node acted up again. The failsafe we talked about was triggered.” 

The hand on her shoulder prevented her from getting up. “The Captain.” Her voice was rough and she quickly cleared her throat. “Where is she?” Before she could even finish her sentence she had already spotted the Captain standing at the foot of the biobed. She looked highly uncomfortable. They locked eyes for a moment but then the Captain looked away. This did not help with Seven’s confusion. “I don’t understand. What happened?”

“That is what I have been trying to piece together, with the help of the Captain of course.” The Doctor quickly responded, finding the tension between the two woman slightly strange. “The Captain told me you were in her quarters and that you were just talking. That you were comforting her. Is that correct? I mean is that how you experienced it too?” He quickly turned to the Captain with a smile, but she remained motionless and far too quite. “Not that I doubt your version of the events Captain but it might be helpful to hear how Seven experienced this evening.”

She looked up at him and gave him a weak smile and a small nod. “Of course Doctor, I understand.”

Turning back to Seven the Doctor removed his hand from her shoulder and immediately the former drone sat upright moving her hands across her own arms and seeming to test if she could still move all her fingers and toes. “Seven?”

“Yes… I remember. We were in the Captain’s quarters like she said and we were… just talking.” She did not look at the Captain as she said this. She wished the Captain was not there so she could talk to the Doctor alone. She knew very well what had happened to her and by the look on the Captain’s face she also knew more than before.

“Seven, this failsafe is supposed to be triggered by strong emotions. Are you saying you did not feel anything unusual at the time?” The Doctor was now highly doubting the effectiveness of this conversation. The change that had come over both women made him highly uncomfortable.

“I did not. The node must have been malfunctioning.” Seven responded in her typical clipped way that usually betrayed that there was more to what she was saying.

“Then I must keep you here for observation and we must double our efforts on the research of this failsafe mechanism. If it can be triggered at any time… it is even more dangerous than we thought.” The Doctor had moved back to his screens and was once again studying the schematics of her cortical node.

Seven dared to glance up at the Captain and was slightly startled when she found the Captain looking directly at her with a strange expression on her face that she could not understand.

Kathryn felt even more horrible than before. As Seven had tried to explain the situation to the Doctor she had gone over the events in her head again too. For the second time that evening she was wondering what could have triggered the failsafe but this time she ruled out happy emotions like love or attraction. What if Seven had been repulsed by her touching her face? What if she had been scared of her, not knowing how to handle her advances? How could she have been so stupid to think that someone as young and beautiful as Seven would even like her that way? She had always been just a mentor and a captain to the former drone. Nothing more and now she had jeopardized that relationship. 

Suddenly she realized that Seven was looking at her and she did read fear in her eyes. That only confirmed her theory. All of a sudden she knew she had to leave. She had to go back to her own quarters and sort through her own emotions before she would make things worse or collapse. She could barely remember what this morning had been like, this day seemed to never end. 

“I should go…” she said, still looking into Seven’s eyes. “You and the Doctor have a lot to talk about and I don’t want you to feel like I am invading your privacy.” As she took two small steps backwards she saw Seven’s face slightly twist. Was it hurt or relief?

Seven did not know what to say. She could tell how uncomfortable the Captain was. What had happened here? How much had the Doctor told her? The Captain was not even supposed to know about her failsafe but she had not asked any questions. She had not shown any interest at all. She was just uncomfortable and now she was visibly backing away from her. 

The Doctor meanwhile was staring at this mostly silent exchange between the two women. “Thank you Captain, you should get some rest yourself. Sounds like you had quite an exhausting day.” He looked at her with concern and hoped that a good night’s sleep would help. 

“Yes thank you Doctor. Seven…” She looked quickly at the young woman who was still sitting awkwardly on the biobed. “Feel better soon.” And then she marched out of there as controlled as she possibly could.

Passing the doors and turning the corner she did not stop even though her legs were slightly shaking. When she finally reached her own quarters she leaned back against the doors, catching her breath before she started to move towards her couch, planning to collapse on it face down but she stopped abruptly. How could it be that, only about an hour ago, she had sat right there together with Seven… hoping and dreaming?

She turned and instead walked to her bedroom whilst removing her uniform jacket. Out of habit she placed her combadge and pips on her bedside table but then just lay down with the rest of her uniform still on. Hiding her face in her pillow she finally allowed the rollercoaster of her emotions to take over. 

Seven and Chakotay... She quickly stopped that train of thought, she could not handle that right now and instead focused on her own relationship with Seven. Seven was afraid of her. No, Seven _might_ have been afraid of her. Maybe this second episode had really been a glitch, maybe it wasn’t triggered by strong emotions like Seven had said. Seven certainly had not looked afraid as they had talked and all the nice things she had said about her… those were not words from someone who feared her.

However, Borg technology was not known for glitches. There usually was a very good reason why Seven’s cortical node or implants acted the way they did. Besides, Seven had always had problems with physical contact, she even had problems with sitting down! And Kathryn had forced her to do both even though Seven might not have been comfortable with it. Guilt threw itself in the mix of her emotional turmoil. She had confused Seven and then when she had woken up she had not provided her with any comfort or even an explanation. She had just stood there and had acted like a complete fool.

Groaning she turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. She was so tired and she felt like she wanted to cry. The flames that had fueled her this evening, both good and bad, had died down and what remained was a numb sad feeling and ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was particularly hard for me to write as I could have gone in so many directions. For now I decided to stick with the Captain as much as possible. Don't worry, the next chapter will once again be written from Seven's point of view.


	4. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter continues right where the third chapter left off but is written from Seven's point of view.  
> Please, let me know what you think and sorry for the mistakes.

Seven kept staring at the closed Sick Bay doors through which the Captain had just disappeared, no... fled. She had almost ran out of there. What had she found out from the Doctor? Or was this Borg malfunction just the last drop and had the Captain finally realized that Seven was still very much Borg and not as human as Kathryn wanted her to be.

The Doctor was still standing near the screens with the schematics of her cortical node, apparently unsure of how to proceed. Slowly Seven got down from the biobed and walked towards him, all the while holding his gaze with her piercing blue eyes. “What did you tell her?”

The Doctor knew from firsthand experience that the Janeway glare was intimidating but the look Seven was giving him now was no less terrifying. What had he gotten himself into? “I’m sorry Seven but this second episode required me to share information about your health with the Captain. It is in my protocol.”

He knew this sounded like an excuse and Seven did not move back, nor avert her gaze. “I want to know exactly what you told her, _all_ the details Doctor.”

He sighed and decided that it was useless to try to sugarcoat this. He had overstepped his bounds and he knew it. “I told her about the first time this happened and the mechanics of the failsafe itself. I told her about the surgeries that could prevent this from happening again.” He tried to get her focus to change to the screens in front of her but with no luck. “I’m sorry Seven but I told her about your simulations in the holodeck.” 

Even though Seven had already expected this it still brought back her embarrassment from the time she had to explain to the Doctor what kind of activities had prompted her first episode. But now the Captain knew as well… Ignoring her burning cheeks she took one more step closer to the Doctor and repeated her question. “What _exactly_ did you tell her?”

“I told her that you were experimenting with romantic relationships, that you wanted to experience all the different aspects of humanity. I told her about your quarters, your new look and your… dating.” The shock on Seven’s face was evident now and for a moment the Doctor was afraid that telling her this might trigger the failsafe again.

However, the anger and surprise Seven felt right now apparently fell within accepted Borg limits. “Did you tell her… who I was… Did you tell her of whom I had created a holographic… date?” Seven barely got her question out as her voice was now trembling with anger but also with fear. 

The Doctor looked down at his shoes and admitted “Yes Seven, I am so sorry. I told the Captain that you had created a holographic version of Commander Chakotay.”

At this Seven did move away, mostly out of fear that she would strike the Doctor or smash one of the screens. “I am so sorry Seven it just slipped out! I knew I should never have told her that but I am sure the Captain found it as endearing as I did when I found out.” The Doctor quickly told her.

“I think we just saw how ‘endearing’ the Captain finds this whole situation!” Seven threw back at him. “You violated my privacy Doctor, it was absolutely not necessary to tell the Captain these… details!” 

The Doctor tried to follow her around the room but Seven was now pacing the floor at a rapid pace. “I know Seven and again I am truly sorry. I will make it up to you! While you are here we can play as many matches of Kadis-kot as you like, we could sing whatever songs you like and you can eat as many strawberries as I can replicate.”

The look of confusion and slight disgust on Seven’s face showed him immediately that none of these ideas were very appealing to her. “I am not staying here Doctor, I need to regenerate.” 

“Wait! You can’t leave. If this failsafe was indeed triggered without you experiencing any strong emotions than I need to keep you under observation until we have figured it all out.” The Doctor bravely stepped between the former drone and the doors. “Or do you want to change your statement about what exactly happened in the Captain’s quarters?” 

This stopped Seven in her tracks. She could see that the Doctor was eager to change the conversation from his mistakes to _her_ previous lies. But she also suspected that he was hoping for some more drama or juicy details. “How do I know that what I tell you will stay between us?”

It was below the belt and Seven knew it. The Doctor’s face crumpled at her lack of faith in him. “Seven, I can assure you that what you will tell me now will stay between us. I promise I will never share details about your personal life or medical history again without your consent… or only when your life is in danger.” He added with an afterthought, still slightly trying to justify his mistakes.

Seven sighed and walked back to the biobed and away from the doors. She voluntarily sat down which slightly surprised the Doctor but he took it as a sign that the conversation was not going to be easy for her. He grabbed a stool and sat down in front of her, patiently waiting for her to start. 

“When I was comforting the Captain in her quarters, we were sitting on her couch and she was wringing her hands together. It looked so uncomfortable, she was hurting her own hands.” Seven told him and the Doctor smiled. He had noticed how the Captain had a tendency to take stress out on her own fingers.

Then Seven continued. “I don’t like it when the Captain is doubting herself or blaming herself for everything that goes wrong on this ship. This mission was doomed to fail from the beginning as these traders are simply not accustomed to interspecies contact and are highly distrustful of strangers. Still, she took all the blame on herself and started to doubt her abilities as a captain. When she started to wring her hands together like that I… I reached out and covered her hands with my own.”

As she was talking she had clasped her own hands together in her lap and kept her eyes firmly fixated on them instead of on the Doctor. “I started to ramble, I told her about how I think she is a great captain and a great leader. I told her about all the things she has done for me and I… I think I took it a bit too far.”

The Doctor was sitting perfectly still, he did not want to disturb her now that she was opening up to him. Meanwhile his mind was racing with what Seven could possibly mean when she said ‘too far’.

“The Captain pulled one of her hands away from me and… then she touched my face. She made me look at her and then she was smiling. Like I had made her feel better after all. Then… I don’t know…” Seven started to shift on the biobed and was now wringing her hands together herself . “I don’t know what happened. One moment I was looking at her and the next… I woke up here.” 

The Doctor tried to hide his disappointment at the slight anticlimactic end of her story but knew that even this experience had been quite intense for the former drone. He also knew that she would no longer need a holographic image of Commander Chakotay to experience romantic feelings. Brushing his own bruised ego at this discovery aside he softly started to speak. “Seven, first thank you for sharing this with me. That must not have been easy for you. Secondly, I think it is safe to say that this second episode was not a glitch but was indeed caused by strong emotions.” 

Seven still did not look up but asked him her most burning question. “The last time this happened, I was angry and confused. I had had an argument with… well him. But the Captain and I, we were not fighting now. I was not feeling agitated at all, I was feeling quite… peaceful. Then why was the failsafe triggered?” Her eyes stared in the distance without seeing much, probably trying to recapture the feelings she had experienced only hours ago.

“As I explained last time, this failsafe was not only designed to block feelings of anger, hurt or personally betrayal. Those are only a few of the emotions that the Collective did not want you to feel. Others, maybe even more powerful and therefore dangerous ones, are positive feelings of closeness and love.”

At this, Seven’s eyes did move to look back at the Doctor. In them he could see her internal struggle. Seven knew her feelings for Kathryn were quite strong but her rational side had always written them off as friendship or some sort of savior complex as the Captain had saved her from the Borg. Deep down, however, she knew it was more than that. Now her cortical node seemed to have caught up with her. 

“Seven, it is alright. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. But I do think that this means that we can’t wait any longer with the surgeries.” The Doctor said.

The look of confusion on Seven’s face turned to one of frustration. “It is not alright Doctor, I should not feel like this about the Captain. There are so many reasons why I should not. If we continue with the surgeries I feel like I would give in to these feelings.”

Surprised the Doctor pondered if he needed to have another talk with her about sexuality and now incorporate the many different forms that sexuality could take. “Seven, there is nothing wrong with love between two women.”

At this Seven stood up abruptly with a big sigh of frustration, startling him. “I know that Doctor! That is not what I meant.”

“If you are afraid about confronting the Captain with your feelings there is no rush!” He tried to calm her down a bit. “I am not saying you should do that now. All I am saying is that you can no longer deny that you are now capable of these emotions and that your cortical node is fighting you on this. Even though you might not want to act on these feelings... it is still necessary to undergo the surgeries. Your life is in danger as long as you don’t!” 

Seven stopped pacing for a bit but her hands were still clenched into fists by her side and her eyes were screwed shut. “I need time to think and I really need to regenerate.”

The Doctor tried to hold in a sigh of his own as he knew how stubborn the former drone could be, especially when it came to her medical care. “I understand that, Seven. But please don’t take too long.” He moved to his office and came back with a cortical monitor. “I want you to wear this again so I can monitor your cortical functions. Go back to the Cargo Bay to regenerate but when your cycle is complete, please come straight back here.”

Seven accepted the cortical monitor and fastened it on her neck. She gave the Doctor a small nod but he was not satisfied with that. “Seven, I need you to promise me that you will take this seriously and that you will come back here once you have regenerated. I am not saying that we will start the surgeries immediately but we at least need to discuss it fully.”

Seven could see the concern in his eyes and knew that he was only looking out for her. “I promise Doctor, I will take this seriously and I will come back here once my regeneration cycle is complete.”

The Doctor smiled at her obedient answer and watched as she walked away and left Sick Bay. Seven stopped in the corridor and heaved a big sigh. At times like this she once again wished that she had never been assimilated. The remaining Borg technology in her body made it so difficult for her to regain her humanity. She had finally made some progress and now her cortical node was literally blocking her from taking the next step.

Her thoughts strayed to the Captain and to the look on her face right before she had walked out of Sick Bay. More than anything Seven just wanted to go and talk to her but judging by the Captain’s reaction to the story of the simulations... that was not a good idea. Also, she had promised the Doctor she would regenerate and who knew what kind of emotions a talk with the Captain would bring.

Resigned, she started to walk to the turbolift that would take her to the Cargo Bay. Thankfully it was late and she did not encounter any other crew members on her way. Standing in front of her alcove she cursed the Borg one more time before she started her regeneration cycle and the world dissolved in smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had my own coming out in the past few weeks so I really needed to write about the love between women. I always found the education of Seven to be quite one-sided, especially for a story that takes place in the future. But I will address that further when Kathryn and Seven will have their conversation about this. Because believe me, they will. ;)


	5. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so not sure what happened here but Kathryn and Seven took this chapter into their own hands. :) Both the location and the conversation went completely different than I had planned but I hope you will like it all the same.  
> Thanks again to all the people leaving kudos and especially those who took the time to leave comments.  
> My apologies for the mistakes. If any native speakers (or other bright minds) see repetitive mistakes, please let me know so I can fix it.  
> I know it is a bit of a cliche, but let me know what you think! This is my first story with dialogue and multiple chapters.  
> Thank you.

“Regeneration cycle incomplete.” With a groan of frustration Seven stepped out of her alcove. It was no use, she was not going to complete a regeneration cycle tonight.

Three times she had started the cycle and three times the computer had told her that the cycle was incomplete. Her body was aching and her nanoprobes really needed a rest after repairing the damage that the triggered failsafe had caused but still she could not regenerate and she knew why. Her mind was swirling and she kept replaying the events of that evening through her head. Especially the looks and words of the Captain in Sick Bay. _Feel better._ That was all she had said when she had left. 

Sighing, Seven first started to pace but her body was truly in pain so she sat down on the platform of the alcoves, putting her head in her hands. She ran through her options in her head. Regeneration was out, that much was clear. Going back to Sick Bay was probably the most logical choice. She had promised the Doctor to come back there after all. But she really did not want to go back and face the truth of the surgeries. Besides, she had promised to come back after her regeneration cycle was complete and it clearly wasn’t. That was a loophole she could use. 

She knew what she really wanted, she wanted to talk to the Captain. But would the Captain want to talk to her? What was she going to do? “Computer, what time is it?”

“It is currently 5:45 am.” The computer replied. That was still very early but the Captain was usually up quite early too. Seven checked the duty rosters in the computer and was relieved to see that the Doctor had already cleared her from duty for the coming days. She saw that Commander Chakotay had approved, so he must already know that something was medically wrong with her. Hopefully he did _not_ know all the details, that would be beyond embarrassing.

Going back to the rosters she saw that the Captain was also free today, that was rare but not unexpected as she had been hard at work the past few weeks to get this trade mission going. However, it could mean that the Captain would sleep in today. Seven could go to the Mess Hall to wait to see if the Captain would show up there for breakfast. But that meant facing other crew members and who knew how many people already knew of her ‘episode’. News spread like fire on Voyager. 

“Computer, what is the Captain’s current location?” If the Captain was still in her quarters Seven would just wait and try to regenerate one more time. If not, she could decide to go and talk to her, wherever she was. Either way, showing up at her quarters after what happened there last night was not an option. 

“The Captain is currently outside of Cargo Bay 2.” Came the reply from the computer. Seven froze. Why was the Captain outside the Cargo Bay? Was she coming in? She quickly faced the door, trying to prepare herself for facing the Captain but nothing happened. She counted the seconds in her head but still nothing happened. Maybe the Captain had moved on? 

Some form of flight or fight decision making was raging inside her. Should she leave the Cargo Bay? But no, she had wanted to go talk to the Captain herself. Besides she could not leave without running the risk of actually running into the Captain in the corridor. Steeling herself she moved to the door and pressed the control to open it. Standing right in front of her was Kathryn. “Captain?” Seven whispered. 

“Seven! Hello!” Kathryn knew she was talking way too loud and she saw Seven jump back a bit at the sudden volume. 

Kathryn had been standing in front of the door for… well she did not know exactly for how long. Too long anyway. After sleeping for a few hours, having some very disturbing and confusing dreams, she had decided that she would not get any real rest until she had talked to Seven. She had gotten up, put her uniform jacket back on and, after asking the computer for Seven’s location, had walked to the Cargo Bay. 

It was not the first time she left her quarters at night to go to the Cargo Bay. Watching Seven regenerate had become a guilty pleasure of the Captain, she still felt a bit guilty about how creepy that might be but it always calmed her down enough to sleep afterwards. However, when she had gotten to the Cargo Bay door this time, she found herself unable to open it. Then, after quite some time of just standing there, it had opened and now Seven was standing there, staring at her. 

“I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you Seven.” Kathryn quickly apologized and thankfully her voice was almost back to normal. “I um… I came to see how you were doing. The computer said you were back in the Cargo Bay so I take it the Doctor discharged you after all.” Now that was a completely normal sentence, she silently congratulated herself. 

“Yes, he did.” Seven replied, still a bit surprised by the Captain sudden appearance. “Would you… Do you want to come inside?” It sounded a bit strange inviting the Captain into the Cargo bay. It was not as if it was such a cozy environment but still she felt like it was a better place for a conversation than the corridors. Especially seeing as the morning shift would soon begin and a shift change always meant full hallways. 

The Captain quickly accepted and walked in but then stopped unsure of what to do. She turned to face Seven who had closed the door and was standing still as well.

“Seven, I need to apologize to you.” Kathryn bravely started out. “First I should not have forced you into any uncomfortable situation in my quarters last night. Secondly, I should have been kinder to you when you woke up. You must have been very confused and I am afraid I only added to that.” She was scrambling to find a third thing to say, could a list really consist of only two arguments? 

However, Seven quickly took over. “Captain, you did not force me in an uncomfortable situation last night and I should be the one to apologize. I am sorry that I passed out like that. It must have been very confusing for you. I am sorry that I… that I am still Borg.” She ended weakly. That was not what she had wanted to say at all but she was so tired and seeing the Captain like this, like nothing had happened and everything was still right between them, it made her confused again. 

“Seven.” Kathryn quickly moved over to the young woman and place her hands on her arms. “Seven, look at me.” She almost reached out to raise Seven’s chin with her hand again but stopped herself. Fortunately Seven looked up by herself and Kathryn was startled to see tears in her blue eyes. 

“Seven, you never have to apologize for being Borg. You are no longer Borg.” At this Seven gave a weak snort and moved away from her. Quickly Kathryn kept talking, unwilling to let the moment go. “I mean yes, parts of you are still Borg. Like your cortical node, but… you are no longer part of the Collective Seven. Seven you are… you are you.” 

Seven turned to the Captain, angry at the tears that were still clouding her eyes. She could not reply, her throat was clenched shut. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself and looked at the floor. 

Kathryn cautiously moved closer once again but did not touch Seven. “Seven, you are you. And you are… you are beautiful and smart and caring. And… like I said, I would not know what I would do without you.” 

At this Seven started to shake and the tears rolled down her cheeks. Kathryn moved forward and finally wrapped her own arms around the trembling woman, hugging her tight. 

Seven was very confused but she also felt relieved. Relieved that the Captain was still there, that the Captain was still talking and that she was holding her again. The tears also helped relieve the tension in her head that had built up from her exhaustion, both physically and mentally. 

Then to Kathryn’s surprise Seven moved back and wrest herself free from the hug. Had her fears been right? Was Seven repulsed by her physical contact? Was she afraid of her?

Seven stood back, still trembling from head to toe. She looked the Captain in the eyes and could read confusion and hurt there. She quickly closed her own. “Captain, I am sorry. I can’t.” There was an annoying hiccup in her voice. “I can’t do this right now.” 

Disappointment hit Kathryn hard, she should not have come here. This was all a mistake and she should leave. But leaving Seven like this, so upset and alone, she could not do that.

Seven, however, had already recollected herself a bit by taking some deep breaths. She reopened her eyes and explained. “I can’t do this right now because it will trigger the failsafe in my cortical node again.”

“I thought you told the Doctor that it was a glitch?” Kathryn answered. She did not want to push Seven but she also desperately wanted to understand what was going on. 

“I lied.” Seven did not look away this time but kept her eyes firmly trained on Kathryn. “I lied when I said that. There is no glitch. The failsafe is only triggered by strong personal emotions. And you trigger those emotions in me, Kathryn.” 

The Captain felt quite dizzy now. Still Seven’s explanation could still go both ways. Either the emotions she caused in the former drone were bad. Emotions like fear and repulsion. Or the emotions were good… like friendship or maybe even love. The ashes from before started to glow again, like embers rekindling a fire. Hope. 

“Seven, please I know this is hard and I really do not want to push you. But I need to understand what you are saying to me right now. Are you afraid of me?”

Then something happened that had not happened before. Seven laughed. She first looked at the Captain in astonishment and then she actually threw her head back a little and laughed. Kathryn would have been insulted if the sound had not been the most beautiful thing she had ever heard.

“Afraid of you? How could I be afraid of you, Kathryn?” Seven said softly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “No, I do not fear you. The emotions I feel for you are quite different, I can assure you.”

She walked back to the platform and sat down on its edge. All the emotions she felt were completely draining her and she briefly wondered how long she had before the Doctor would storm in and check her cortical node. The monitor must have been sending quite some confusing data to Sick Bay. When she looked up she saw that the Captain had not moved and was still standing a few paces away, looking confused.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Seven decided to go with full honesty. “Captain, I know it is totally inappropriate and I know you can not possibly feel the same way. But in my own way... my own limited Borg way, I… I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I did not see that one coming myself. And yes, I know the cliffhanger is a bit mean, sorry but not sorry. ;) Goodnight everyone!


	6. Flares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all the people leaving kudos and especially those who took the time to leave comments. Really appreciate it.  
> Thank you for reading!

_I love you._ Kathryn briefly wondered if this was what having a stroke felt like. She was in shock, first at Seven’s laugh and her admission that she was not afraid of her at all but then she had told her she loved her. Seven loved her. Happiness broke through all the confusion and burst forward like a firestorm inside her. Through her tears of happiness she tried to focus on Seven sitting on the platform. Then she realized Seven did not look good.

The young woman had her arms wrapped around her own knees and her head was resting on them. She was no longer shaking and for a moment Kathryn was afraid she had passed out again. An admission of love, that was certainly something the Borg Queen would not approve of. 

Unable to keep standing herself she kneeled in front of Seven and slowly placed her hands on Seven’s elbows. “Seven, please look at me. Or… let me know you are okay.” 

Slowly Seven raised her head which took almost all the energy she had left. She saw that the Captain was smiling at her and was about to say something. Immediately she realized that whatever the Captain was going to say, she was not ready to hear it, whether it was good or bad.

She reached out her hand and quickly stopped the Captain. “Please, don’t say anything. I can’t… I really just can’t.” Tears were moving over her cheeks again, she was so tired but she was also ashamed of how her exhaustion had made her lose control and had made her admit her feelings to the one person who she thought would never find out. 

Kathryn stopped smiling, interpreting Seven’s words as fear of rejection. She wanted to tell her that her feelings were not one-sided. But now that she was once again close to Seven, she noticed the blinking light of the cortical monitor still attached to Seven’s neck. Realization hit, she could not tell her.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be alright. I won’t say anything but please tell me what I can do to help you right now.” She said instead.

Seven wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to think clearly. “I need to get back to Sick Bay.” How, she did not know. She felt like she could not stand up, plus she could already hear the other crewmembers moving about the ship. The morning shift had started.

Kathryn looked at the door and then back at Seven, she knew Seven was not going to walk out of here. “Is it alright with you if I ask the computer to transport us directly to Sick Bay?”

“Yes, please. I don’t think I can walk. But you don’t have to come with me and please don’t use the medical emergency protocol or the Doctor will have a fit.” It was a poor attempt at humor but she knew she had to lighten the mood somehow to keep her emotions in check. Also it was true, the Doctor would never let her leave Sick Bay again if she arrived by a medical emergency transport for the second time in under twelve hours. 

“I would like to come with you, if that is alright, and I will use my own authorization.” Kathryn waited for a reply but only received a small nod from the exhausted woman in front of her. 

“Computer, two to transport to Sick Bay. Captain authorization alpha-seven-lambda.” Then once again the sound of the transporter surrounded them as they were whisked away to materialize in front of a surprised and very concerned Doctor. 

“Seven, Captain... Please tell me the failsafe was not triggered again.” He quickly moved towards them with a medical tricorder in hand as the Captain was getting to her feet. Seven, however, did not move at all and remained seated on the floor. Lieutenant Paris, who had just started his morning shift, quickly swooped in and easily picked her up by himself and placed her on one of the biobeds. 

Seven rolled onto her right side and screwed her eyes shut whilst turning her face into the pillow. The Doctor quickly started scanning her and turned once again to the Captain for answers. “What happened? I asked her to come back to Sick Bay immediately after she had finished her regeneration cycle.” 

“Well, I don’t think she has. She still seems pretty tired to me.” The Captain started out with the obvious. “But I might be the reason why she did not come back. I was on my way to the Cargo Bay to talk to her and then we sort of ran into each other in the doorway. We… talked and then she asked me to bring her here with the transporter as she could not walk.”

“Thank you Captain.” The Doctor said slightly exasperated. Maybe he should have gone down to the Cargo Bay with Seven to make sure her regeneration went well and to prevent her from having any more talks with the Captain as they did not seem to improve her health. 

His scans showed exactly how tired Seven was. If she was unable to regenerate, sleep was the only alternative. He leaned over her to make sure she could hear him. “Seven, I am going to give you something to sleep. Your regeneration is probably blocked because you are either too tired or too stressed or perhaps both. Sleep will help you relax.” 

Seven was listening and gave him a nod with permission to proceed. Lieutenant Paris had already moved to get the hypospray after a quick questioning look at the Doctor. He had just started his morning shift and the Doctor had not had time yet to bring him up to speed. Also, after last night, the Doctor wanted Seven’s permission before he involved more people in this. “Seven, one last thing before I will put you under. I need to share information about your condition with Mr. Paris so he can help me with your treatment. Is that alright with you?”

Seven once again gave him a nod and prayed that that was the last question she needed to answer. She really just wanted to get some sleep. However, she sensed that the Captain was still there too. She briefly wondered how she was feeling but then decided that it would have to wait. 

Kathryn watched as the Doctor put the hypospray on Seven’s neck, wished her sweet dreams and administered the sedative. Immediately Seven’s body relaxed, the pained expression loosened on her face although the traces of tears were still visible on her cheeks and in her eyelashes. Carefully the Doctor moved her so that her position was not too cramped and uncomfortable. He removed the cortical monitor and made sure the biobed was monitoring her vitals. Mr. Paris gently draped a thin blanket over the sleeping woman. 

Kathryn could not remove her gaze from Seven’s sleeping form. A fierce protectiveness flared up inside her. She had told her she loved her and Kathryn had not been able to say it back. But yes she loved her too and she would do anything at all to protect her. Also she would do whatever she could to make this process as easy for Seven as possible. She would help her get through this. Suddenly she realized that the Doctor was looking at her. “I’m sorry Doctor did you say something?”

“No Captain but I do think we need to have another talk. Would you step into my office please?” The Captain nodded but felt like she was being called into the principal’s office.

The Doctor moved to follow her but quickly turned to his nurse who was still looking around confused. “Mr. Paris, I will fill you in right after I have talked to the Captain. Please, keep an eye on Seven’s vitals, especially her cortical functions.” Mr. Paris nodded and asked no questions. He sensed that this was not the time for cleverness or jokes.

After the Doctor followed the Captain into his office he quickly shut the door and turned to face her. “Now, I am not going to ask you what your second talk with Seven was about. That is private and I am trying to be more sensitive to the boundaries of privacy.” He added with a grimace.

The Captain nodded, slightly relieved. In a way she wanted to make a ship wide announcement about what Seven had told her but for the most part she just wanted to keep that to herself. 

“Thank you Doctor. Seven was very much in control. Actually, she was doing a much better job than I was.” She admitted with a small smile. “But I believe I now better understand what happened last night and I wanted to ask you how I can help. Do you need me to take a look at the schematics of the node? Although maybe Icheb’s or B’Elanna’s opinion would be more helpful, they have a much better understanding of Borg technology than I have. But is there anything I can do to make this easier for Seven?”

The Doctor looked uncomfortable. “You are right. Once I have Seven’s permission to proceed with the surgeries _and_ her permission to call in some reinforcements, I will ask both Icheb and B’Elanna for help.” He shifted around a bit but kept his eyes trained on Kathryn’s face. “Captain… I think it is best if you do not try to help at all right now. In fact… I think it is best if you and Seven stay away from each other for some time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that conversation definitely isn't over, believe me. ;) The next chapter will have some more characters in them. I really feel like Icheb should be brought up to date soon. 
> 
> Just curious but did anyone else wonder at the absence of blankets in Sick Bay? I am sure the biobeds can keep the patients warm or whatever but I always feel more comfortable and sleep better when I have at least a thin blanket covering me.


	7. Melting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all the people reading this story, leaving kudos and comments. Really appreciate it.  
> I was planning to bring Icheb into the story but as Seven is once again unconscious, sorry Seven, I decided to give Kathryn some much needed TLC. This chapter is therefore mostly written from her point of view.

Kathryn stared at the Doctor for a few minutes. “What do you mean Seven and I need to stay away from each other? I just want to help Doctor.” She felt her cheeks warming up but refused to let the Doctor escape her gaze. 

“Captain, I know you want to help but you have to realize what kind of impact your relationship with Seven has on her right now.” The Doctor pleaded with her. “Both times Seven came into Sick Bay yesterday and today, was after a talk with you. And I am not saying that it is your fault!” He quickly added after seeing her look of surprise turn to outrage. “But you must realize that emotions are the kind of thing Seven has to avoid at the moment and you… you bring out quite some powerful emotions in her.”

What did he mean by that? Did he know? Had Seven confided in the Doctor before she had spoken to her? It did not matter, she was not going to be brushed aside. Seven needed her and she needed to be there for her. She started pacing to get her thoughts going, trying to find arguments to convince the Doctor that her place was at Seven’s side. “Doctor, Seven and I have always been close. We have been friends for a long time. I can not just abandon her, especially not now that she is going through something so major.” 

“I understand that Captain.” The Doctor sighed. He realized he had to be a lot more direct to get his point across. “But you know that your relationship has developed beyond friendship and now you also know that Seven can not handle that right now. Or… maybe never.”

That stopped her in her tracks, she spun around to face him. “What do you mean never?”

He walked up to her, a look of real concern on his face. “This failsafe is preventing Seven from forming romantic relationships. The surgeries that I am proposing might create a workaround so that she will no longer be limited in her emotions. But Captain, the surgeries might not work. Borg technology is highly adaptive. Even if we could devise some change in her micro-circuitry there is a big chance that her cortical node will adapt to counter the changes. Seven might never be able to experience the deeper emotions, not without risking her life.” 

A great sadness crashed over her like a wave when the reality of what he was trying to tell her sunk in. Seven had admitted to her that she loved her and she felt the same way. Unconsciously she had already started to picture a future together. But that had been premature and foolish, that future might never be. Trying not to show how emotional she was getting she asked the question she really needed to ask the Doctor. “So... what? If the surgeries fail and the failsafe continues to limit Seven, she and I will have to stay away from each other? That is not possible Doctor.” 

The thought scared her beyond belief and even though she tried to keep them in, tears started to form in her eyes. Sympathetically the Doctor placed his hands on her shoulders. “I know this is hard to accept and there is still a chance we will succeed but I need you and Seven to be prepared for all possible outcomes. If we cannot bypass the failsafe… Seven can no longer feel the way she feels about you. And the only way that is going to work… is if you two do not see each other anymore.”

A tear spilled over and ran down her cheek as she started to shake at how unfair this situation was. Damn the Borg and their destructive power! If she could, she would blow up every Borg vessel in the Delta Quadrant. But that would not help Seven, nor their relationship. 

“Captain, I am going to do everything I can to help Seven overcome this. I will not stop until we succeed. So there is still also another version of the future to think about.” He smiled at her, imagining both women happy together. “I just needed you to know so you won’t harbor false hope and I need you to understand why at this time you have to stay away. If you love Seven… and I think you do, you have to do this for her.”

Kathryn covered her face with both her hands, wiping the tears away and trying to recollect herself by taking some deep breaths. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“I think you need to get some rest Captain.” 

She glanced back at Seven through the office’s windows and seeing her beautiful peaceful face broke her heart all over again. “Will you…” She quickly cleared her throat. “Will you at least keep me informed of her condition?” 

He could not ignore the pleading that he saw in her eyes and gave her a reassuring nod and smile. She then turned around and with a heavy heart walked out of the office and into the cold corridors.

Blindly she made her way back to her quarters, unaware of any crewmembers that she passed. This time when she reached her quarters she did collapse on the couch and finally gave in to her tears. She did not even know why she was crying exactly. Because she had not been able to tell Seven that she loved her too? Because she was afraid that Seven was going to die? Because even if Seven was going to survive she might still lose her? Because she felt so utterly alone right now? Whatever the reason, the tears kept coming and after what felt like an hour she finally cried herself to sleep. 

She was awoken by the sound of her door chime. For a moment she was disoriented but then reality crashed over her. “Computer what time is it and who is at my door?” She asked while she tried to stretch her stiff limbs. 

“It is currently 3:41 p.m. and Commander Chakotay is at your door.” Well at least she had slept for a couple of hours. Sighing she stood up and tried to make herself slightly presentable by straightening her uniform and wiping her face. Giving up quickly she called for her first officer and friend to come in. 

Stepping into her quarters Chakotay immediately noticed how distressed she looked. Her uniform was badly wrinkled and she was not wearing her Captain’s pips. Also her face was blotchy as if she had been crying. “Kathryn… are you okay? Is it Seven?”

She had tried to smile reassuringly at him but at the mention of Seven’s name the tears started to come again. Hiding her face in her hands she allowed him to wrap his arms around her, giving her a comforting hug. She thought she had cried herself out before she fell asleep but apparently the emotions of the past 24 hours were not done with her yet.

Chakotay gently moved them to the couch and got her to sit down. “Kathryn, please tell me, is Seven in danger? The Doctor asked me to clear her from duty for the unforeseeable future. What happened? Did something happen with the traders?”

She tried to calm down but could not find her voice. She quickly got up, moved over to the replicator and got a nice hot cup of black coffee. The smell was incredibly reassuring and she realized it had been almost 24 hours since she had a cup. Chakotay waved off her offer to replicate something and she sat back down, taking a sip from her coffee and then started to talk. 

She told him everything. About how upset she had been because of the failed First Contact mission, about how Seven had comforted her and then had passed out. She quickly explained the failsafe mechanism and how this apparently had happened before. She stumbled a bit at that part, remembering exactly what kind of simulations Seven had been running the first time it happened. She still had a lot of questions about that but now she might never get a chance to ask them.

Chakotay was confused but not as confused as Kathryn probably thought he was. He had seen Kathryn and Seven become close over the years. He had always said how special their relationship was. Kathryn had seen something in the former Borg drone even when no one else, and least of all him, had. Seven in turn had always been fiercely loyal towards the Captain and completely focused on Kathryn’s every move, her likes and dislikes. He had realized a long time ago that their relationship had grown beyond friendship, even before the women had realized so themselves. Now it seemed the cat was finally out of the bag.

Kathryn was struggling trying to explain what happened next. She seemed reluctant to share all the details of the story so he stopped her by placing a hand on her arm. “Kathryn, I know.” 

She looked up at him, her dark gray eyes still shining with tears. “What do you mean, you know?”

“I know about your feelings for Seven and I also know that she feels the same way about you. So if you are trying to tell me that this failsafe was triggered because Seven was feeling strong emotions for you, I think I know what kind of emotions they were.” He smiled at her, a little bit smug.

Kathryn did not know what to say. Chakotay had known, for how long? He seemed to sense her questions before they even completely formed in her own head. “I have known for quite some time actually and to be honest… I think I am not the only one. Many crewmembers have noticed your special relationship and before you start to worry about that, I think most of them would be thrilled if you two finally got together.” He smiled, remembering some conversations with Harry and Tom. They had debated putting up a poll together in which people could place bets on couples who might start dating. Seven and Kathryn had been very high on their list. Out of respect for the privacy of their crewmates the men had never taken the idea further but now he kind of regretted not putting money on this particular outcome. However, Kathryn had been crying when he came in so the news could not all be good.

While he had been reminiscing about what bets might have been, Kathryn had been trying to digest what he had told her, especially about the crew’s blessing for her and Seven getting together. She swallowed another sip of coffee and then told him the hard truth. “Seven and I can’t be together, Chakotay. The failsafe is preventing her from forming romantic relationships. The Doctor is proposing some surgeries but he cannot guarantee that they will work. She might never get rid of this… and because I am causing these emotions in her the Doctor has asked me to stay away. Maybe forever.” Quickly she put the coffee cup on the table as more sobs wrecked her body. 

Chakotay quickly wrapped his arms around his friend once again, only now realizing how insensitive his remarks had been. They might never be able to be together. He felt immense sadness for his friend who was now completely coming apart in his arms. Between her sobs she was still confessing to him. “She told me she loved me… and I… I never even got a chance to say it back.” 

Closing his eyes he tried to push down his own emotions and instead focus on comforting his friend. “Kathryn, I know all seems pretty dark right now but you and I also know Seven. She is not going to give up and neither is the Doctor. They will find a way to fix this failsafe and when they do you will get your chance. Don’t give up hope yet Kathryn, not now you have finally allowed yourself to feel what you have been feeling for so long.”

Kathryn knew he was right, she could not give up hope. Even though she might not be able to be at Seven’s side right now, she would not stop fighting for her, for them. Her breathing started to slow and eventually the tears stopped. Her pain and confusion had mostly melted away through her tears. She was lucky, lucky to have friends like Chakotay on this ship. Together they would find a way. She was not going to give up on Seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I am an avid J7 shipper, I never quite liked C7 or the hints of Chakotay and Kathryn being more than just friends. However, I do think that he is important to her and truly is the friend she needed. Hopefully I did him justice in this chapter. Let me know what you think!  
> Seven will be awake again in the next chapter.


	8. Forging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, first of all thank you to everyone reading this story, leaving kudos and especially to those leaving comments.  
> This chapter takes the story back to Seven in Sick Bay. Let me know what you think.

Seven woke up feeling drowsy and still in pain. The human parts of her body felt refreshed but she could still feel her implants aching and her nanoprobe were buzzing. Almost immediately the Doctor was at her side, tricorder in hand. “Welcome back Seven. How are you feeling?” 

She sat up before she answered. “I feel better Doctor. The failsafe was not triggered again was it?” She looked around Sick Bay but could only see Lieutenant Paris smiling at her as he was cleaning some surgical instruments. 

“No, the failsafe was not triggered. I just put you to sleep so that at least parts of you could get some rest.” The Doctor was quite satisfied with the results, the hours of sleep had done her good judging by his scans.

“Where is the Captain?” Seven asked, just like the last time she had woken up. The question was always on her mind whenever she was not near Kathryn. 

The Doctor quickly glanced at Mr. Paris. He took the hint and moved his work on the instruments to the office. “I have asked the Captain to leave you be for now Seven.”

Seven glanced up at him, surprise in her blue eyes. “You did not have to do that Doctor. Without the Captain I never would have made it back here. I would like to thank her.” 

“That may very well be, but you also know that without the Captain and your… feelings for her, you would not have to be here to begin with.” The Doctor stepped back as Seven hopped off the biobed. 

Seven felt uncomfortable, feeling like the Doctor was blaming Kathryn for her condition. “It is not her fault Doctor. _My_ cortical node and _my_ feelings are the reason I am here.” Now that she was standing, she did not really know what to do. She kept glancing at the door, somehow hoping that Kathryn would appear there. 

Sighing the Doctor realized he had to have the same talk he had with the Captain only hours ago with Seven and of the two of them he guessed this one was going to be the hardest. “Seven, I do not mean to put blame on the Captain _nor_ your feelings. This whole situation is rather unfair and if blame has to be dulled out it would be to the Borg.”

He moved a stool over to where Seven was standing and sat down, indicating that he needed to talk. Seven made no move to sit down herself but that was no surprise. “Putting aside all of that, we have to face reality. The failsafe in your cortical node posses a real danger to you. Will you reconsider the surgeries?” The Doctor asked her.

Seven did not take long to answer, she knew she had no choice. Not if she wanted to move forward with her quest of regaining her humanity. “I already have reconsidered them Doctor. I wish for you to proceed with the surgeries.” 

The Doctor sighed in relief, one difficult subject down. “We have already discussed the risks. You know how dangerous it is to meddle with your cortical node. If something goes wrong and the node fails… there will be nothing I can do for you.”

They had discussed this at length. Any surgery was dangerous of course and there was always a risk to the patient’s life but a surgery involving a cortical node was even more risky. Still, the Doctor was confident that they had researched the node enough to proceed. Also, he really felt like they did not have a choice now that Seven was experiencing these emotions outside the fantasies of the Holodeck.

“I know Doctor, I will accept the risks.” Seven had always been somewhat reckless when it came to taking risks that endangered her own life. In the Collective the only thing that mattered was the survival of the hive, her own survival had been less important. When Voyager had become her new collective, she had often felt the same way. However, when her cortical node had failed, she had realized how her own existence influenced the other people on the ship. Not that she had been running towards her own death before but now she knew she could not take unnecessary risks without hurting others. But these risks… they were not unnecessary. Every fiber of her being longed to be free of her implants and her cortical node with the damned failsafe. She needed to do this.

“Good to hear, Seven. I think it is the best decision. But I still need you to understand the other risks so you won’t harbor false hope.” He looked in her trusting blue eyes and prepared himself for the same reaction the Captain had given him. “The surgeries might fail. If we create this workaround in your micro-circuitry, the node might adapt and undo everything we have done. I can not guarantee that that won’t happen. If it does, we won’t stop looking for others ways to fix it obviously but I need you to know that there is a possibility that we won’t find a way.”

Seven noticed how the Doctor had slightly raised his shoulders, apparently bracing himself for her reaction. With a small smile she responded. “I know that too, Doctor. I know how adaptive Borg technology is. Believe me I have run through every scenario already.”

The Doctor had to admit how foolish it had been of him to expect anything else. However, he wondered if Seven truly understood the consequences. “I guess I should have expected that.” He took a deep breath and then soldiered on. “I hope you also understand what this would mean for your relationship with the Captain. I have asked her to stay away until the surgeries are complete _and_ successful. If the surgeries fail… I am afraid you and the Captain will need to stay away from each other until we have found another solution. If we don’t…” His voice trailed off, not really sure how he could put this darkest scenario into words for her. Judging by the look on her face she already understood. 

From the first time the failsafe had showed itself, Seven had run all kinds of scenarios through her mind. But in all of them the Captain had been at her side. Never had she even imagined a future without her. A distant voice in her head, the logical part of her, knew that the Doctor was right. But it was drowned out by a feeling of loss and stubborn refusal. She could not lose Kathryn. They had managed fine so far, up until yesterday the Captain had not even been aware of Seven’s feelings. Surely if she could contain them, they could still work together, play Velocity together, talk together… She could not imagine her life on Voyager without the Captain’s presence, she would just have to find a way to keep her emotions in check.

But then she remembered the Captain’s smile, her hand on her face…

Quickly she turned away from the Doctor and placed her own hands over her face, digging her fingers hard into her skin and facial implants. The pain and discomfort pierced through the emotions. She knew he was right… She could not go on pretending that Kathryn was just her friend, her mentor. She would always be more than that. Now that she had finally admitted her feelings, to Kathryn but more importantly to herself, she could not go back.

But she also wouldn’t give up. She turned back to the Doctor who had stood up when she had moved away from him, ready to help her if the failsafe kicked in again. Relieved he saw a very stubborn look on her face. Normally Seven’s stubbornness was a pain for him and for his work but now he took heart from it. They would not give up, they would find a way. 

“Doctor, thank you for being so honest with me.” She squared her shoulders and quickly steered the conversation away from Kathryn and towards action. “What is the first step?”

Energized the Doctor moved to the screens and pulled up his plans for her cortical node. Quickly he explained again that he proposed three separate surgeries, the first would create the receiving end behind the failsafe. That would be the easiest, as it would not disrupt the circuitry as it was operating now. The second was more dangerous as they then needed to built the staging area above the failsafe, partly blocking the signals as they ran now. Finally, the third surgery would create a connection to both areas, sealing off the failsafe mechanism and establishing a flow around it. Hopefully providing Seven’s cortical node with a safe way to process emotions. 

“Seven, I would like to ask both Icheb and B’Elanna to help me with the surgeries. As you can see this might take more skill in engineering than in medicine to accomplish.” He gave her a begrudging smile, none of his programs had prepared him for operating on the Borg. “Icheb can help me finish up the schematics but I will not ask him to actually assist with the surgeries, that would be too hard on him.”

Seven agreed. She and Icheb were close, he was the closest thing to family she had on this ship. “I really want to talk to him before we start, Doctor.” 

The Doctor nodded and proposed a plan. “I understand. Why don’t you ask him to meet you in the Cargo Bay. I would really like for you to try to regenerate one more time before we start. The better rested you are the better our chances will be. Meanwhile, I will ask Lieutenant Torres to join Mr. Paris and me here. I will start explaining the procedures to them and then when Icheb and you have talked, he can join us here while you regenerate.”

He seemed pretty happy now that they had forged a plan and Seven had to agree. After all the emotional revelations of the past day it was good to actually do something and move forward. The Doctor picked up the cortical monitor from where he had put it when she went to sleep and placed it on her neck again. “Do you need someone to stay with you while you regenerate?”

“No thank you Doctor, I will be fine and someone watching me will probably prevent me from completing a cycle.” She sai.

It was true that she retained some form of consciousness when she was regenerating. If needed a regenerating drone could sense the coming of an attack or could sense someone watching them. 

However, she did not always mind that last part as Kathryn had developed a habit of watching her regenerate when she could not sleep herself. She had never told the Captain that she knew, afraid that it would embarrass her and would make her stop. Kathryn watching her had become her own guilty pleasure. But the Captain could not watch her now and having anyone else there would be uncomfortable.

While Seven hailed Icheb asking him to meet her in the Cargo Bay, the Doctor asked Lieutenant Torres to come to Sick Bay. Tom had already moved back into the main room and was studying the schematics on the screens. As Seven walked to the door she looked back at the two men and was overwhelmed with a deep feeling of gratitude. She was lucky to be on Voyager and to have friends who would fight for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously I made up the whole set up for the surgeries. Truth be told I have no idea how to fix a failsafe in a Borg cortical node ;) and unfortunately I am not an engineer. Still I felt like I needed to give some sort of explanation as to why there will be three surgeries. (The episode only specified 'multiple surgeries'.)  
> Also I had planned to have more of the story written by now but the conversations take up more room than I expected. Because I do not want to rush this, as I want to do it right, I am taking my time. But please let me know what you think.  
> Icheb will finally appear in the next chapter.


	9. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to you, the readers of this story and especially to those leaving kudos and comments.  
> An extra chapter today as I really wanted to write about Icheb. I have always loved his relationship with Seven, even more so after watching the first season of Picard. (There will be no references to that series in this story so don't worry about spoilers if you have not watched it yet.)

When Seven reached the Cargo Bay, Icheb was already there having come straight from the Astrometrics Lab. She had tried to figure out what she was going to say to him on her way there but had not made much progress. She walked over to him and decided to just let the conversation come naturally. “Icheb, thank you for coming. I hope I am not keeping you from your work.”

“Actually you are keeping me from _your_ work as Commander Chakotay asked me to take over most of your shifts in Astrometrics.” He said with a smile, indicating that he did not really mind. “What is going on, Seven? Are you sick?”

“Not exactly.” She briefly wondered if they should sit down but then realized that she did not have to. Icheb was just as comfortable as she was standing through a conversation. “There is another problem with my cortical node.”

Icheb looked taken aback. When Seven had taken over his cortical node he had never thought it would fail again. His node had been quite new and there was nothing wrong with it when the Doctor had removed it from him and given it to Seven. 

Seven could see that he was gearing up to ask a lot of questions so she decided to continue her explanation before he could ask them. “A while back the Doctor discovered a failsafe in the node. Apparently it is present in every node to prevent drones from experiencing deeper emotions, emotions that would lead to individuality. When triggered, the node causes neural shock and the shutting down of all higher brain functions.”

She knew that he would understand, he had been Borg, no matter how briefly. He knew the Collective considered emotions dangerous and understood why the failsafe would have been put in place. 

“How did the Doctor find this failsafe? And why did you not tell me?” Icheb asked, a note of hurt in his voice.

Seven knew the next part was not going to be easy. “He discovered it after it was triggered… the first time.” Icheb raised his eyebrows, catching on the emphasize she placed on those last words. “Last night… it happened again but both times the Doctor was able to stabilize me.”

Icheb’s expression had turned into a frown of concern and Seven quickly decided to address his second question. “I did not tell you because after the first time I did not expect it to happen again. I have tried to keep my emotions in check but I… failed.” 

Icheb waited for more but Seven did not continue. “What do you mean, failed? What happened?”

Now Seven had reached a point where she had to look away from him. How was she going to explain this to him? Would he understand? Would he find her weak? Looking back at him she knew she needed to make him understand as he was going to help with the surgeries. And if she did not survive them… he needed to know why she had taken the risk. 

Taking a deep breath she continued. “I have developed certain feelings for a member of this crew and I was no longer able to control my emotions concerning… them.”

Icheb laughed. Seven looked at him in surprise. Was he not taking her seriously? Icheb quickly put her at ease. “You mean the Captain. You mean you have developed feelings of love for the Captain.”

“How… What?” Seven was not often speechless but this was one of those times. How did he know and why was he so much better at putting _her_ feelings into words than she was herself? 

Icheb laughed again. “Come on Seven, I am not blind. Besides I think almost everyone on board knows. I am just glad you finally figured it out yourself.” He added with a smug grin on his face. “Did you tell her?” 

His eyes were positively sparkling with glee but Seven needed a moment before she could respond. So not only did he know but more people knew? How could they know if she hadn’t known for sure herself? Had the Captain known? 

She took a long time contemplating that last possibility and Icheb was getting impatient. He cut through her thoughts. “Seven? Did you tell her? Is that what happened?”

“Yes… I mean no! That is not what happened. At least not when the failsafe was triggered.” She was agitated now and standing still was no longer an option. She started pacing in front of the alcoves, glancing back at Icheb who had crossed his arms in front of his chest and was still smiling.

Giving up she decided to tell him everything. About how Kathryn had been frustrated with the failed mission, how she had tried to comfort her and then when it got too intense she had passed out. 

“What do you mean too intense?” Icheb asked and Seven could not believe how much he was enjoying this. Was this not awkward for him too? Did he not understand that she was actually trying to tell him something very serious? But then again, he was still a teenager.

Pinching her nose she tried to explain. “Nothing dramatic happened. I was holding her hands and then she reached out and.. and touched my face.” Despite her trying to make the story as factual as possible she could still feel her cheeks burning. Wanting to move on quickly she continued. “I lost control and then the failsafe was activated. I passed out and the Captain brought me to Sick Bay. The Doctor was able to stabilize me but I can no longer ignore the fact that this failsafe is a danger.”

Icheb was no longer smiling as he understood what she was trying to tell him. “So what is going to happen now? Does the Doctor have a plan? Can he correct the node?”

Grateful that the conversation had moved on Seven could now look him in the eyes again. “Yes, he does have a plan. He is proposing three surgeries to correct the micro-circuitry in the node. It will be dangerous and there is no guarantee for success but without it… I am stuck.”

The look on Icheb’s face turned to one of pity. He was no longer limited by a cortical node and he wished that Seven could be free of it as well. Unfortunately, due to the fact that she had a lot more implants and they were much more complicated than his, that was not possible. Pity quickly gave way to determination. “Can I help?”

Seven smiled at him. “The Doctor actually asked me to ask you to come to Sick Bay after our talk to look at his plans. You won’t have to help with the actual surgeries but he would like your opinion on the plans before he starts.” 

Icheb seemed to grow a few inches as she told him that. Seven understood, she was quite proud herself of how quickly Icheb had become a valued member of the crew. He had grown so much.

“So… shall we go to Sick Bay then? Why did you ask me to meet you here?” Icheb asked.

“I need to regenerate before the Doctor can start his surgeries. I tried regenerating last night but it did not work.” Seven admitted.

“Okay, I will go help the Doctor.” Icheb turned to move to the door but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Icheb… I need you to know that just because this failsafe was triggered because of my emotions for... the Captain…” She had almost said Kathryn but she did not want him to start smiling like a teenager again. “it does not mean that I don’t also have strong feelings for you.”

This was hard to say but she needed him to understand how important he was to her. “You are my family and…” 

He quickly stopped her, placing his own hand over hers. “I know Seven. I feel the same way.”

She looked away and stepped onto the platform to program the regeneration cycle. “I just needed you to know that, in case the surgeries… in case something goes wrong.” She looked down at him as he stood at the foot of the platform. The resulting difference in height made him look even more like a boy and she quickly looked at her feet. “Know that if something does happen to me that you will be well taken care of. This crew can be your family and I know they will help you with your Starfleet exams.” 

She took a deep breath, making sure she was calm. “You will make a fine officer, Icheb.” 

He then climbed up on the platform and enveloped her into a hug. Seven wanted to give into it, the loving warmth of it, however she knew she had to restrain herself. She did hug him back but then softly pushed him back. 

Icheb was emotional but understood why she had to keep her distance. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Seven. I won’t let it.” He added with a brave smile. “Besides neither will the Doctor.” He quickly hopped off the platform and headed for the door. Turning around in the doorway he added “Nor the Captain.” Then with a wink he disappeared into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to give them their space so B'Elanna will make her entrance in the next chapter. Then I will also go back to Kathryn to see how she is holding up.  
> Please let me know what you think if you have the time! Doesn't matter what you want to write, every comment no matter how short is welcome!


	10. Searing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to all of you still reading this story that this chapter took longer than usually to post. Thank you for everyone leaving comments and keeping me motivated. Really appreciate it.  
> This chapter is divided in four parts, two from Seven's point of view and two from Kathryn's. Also, B'Elanna finally joins the story. Hope you like it!

With a big sigh of relief Seven stepped out of her alcove. She had completed a regeneration cycle without problems. Now both her human and Borg parts felt better. Walking to Sick Bay she did not encounter any crewmembers in the corridors as the night shift was currently underway. When she entered Sick Bay only the Doctor was there, still pouring over his screens.

The Doctor looked up with a smile as she walked to his side. “Ah Seven there you are! How was your regeneration?” 

Seven quickly looked at the screens and arched her eyebrow. “Judging by the data on your screens, Doctor, you already know how my regeneration cycle went.” The screens were filled with data from the cortical monitor and her medical history. “Where are the others?”

“I asked B’Elanna and Tom to get a good night’s sleep so they will be fresh. I have scheduled the surgery to start at 8 am. Icheb was very helpful hammering out the last details of the plan and wishes you the best. He asked me to keep him informed of our progress, I expect that’s not a problem?” The Doctor asked.

“Of course not.” Seven looked at all the instruments on the table and a small part of her was starting to feel nervous. Unfortunately she still had a couple of hours to kill before the surgery would start.

“Both Commander Chakotay and the Captain also asked to be kept informed.” The Doctor added, giving her a sideways glance. “Is that okay too?” 

Seven thought he was taking this asking for permission thing a bit far but could not object now that he was protecting her privacy so thoroughly. Also, the idea of Kathryn asking to be kept informed was comforting. She quickly agreed.

The Doctor continued while he rearranged some of the instruments. “Now I have talked to both the Captain and the Commander about dropping out of warp during the procedure. Thankfully we are heading in a very calm area of space with no M-class planets nearby so we should not encounter any surprises.”

“Why would we drop out of warp for the surgery?” Seven asked him a bit surprised.

The Doctor looked back at her. “We can’t risk anything here Seven. If B’Elanna’s or my hands slip for even a nanometer we could seriously harm you. Frankly I would prefer the ship stopping completely but that is apparently not good for the engines and with the failed trade mission behind us we can’t really risk getting stuck here.”

Seven felt uncomfortable. The ship was dropping out of warp just so she could have this surgery. The Doctor quickly sensed her discomfort and put a hand on her shoulder. “The crew is fine with this small delay in getting back to the Alpha Quadrant if it betters your health. Remember what we talked about Seven. How would you feel if we would do this for someone else? For Harry Kim, Naomi or anyone else.”

She knew he was right, she would be more than fine with that. Sighing she resigned to the idea of the crew spending time and resources on her surgeries. 

“Now I presume your talk with Icheb went well? He seemed to know about the risks involved.” The Doctor asked her, killing time through conversation.

“Yes, we had a good talk. I prepared him for every possible outcome, including my death.” Seven stated in her own matter-of-fact voice.

The Doctor cringed at her words. “I guess it is a good thing to be well prepared.”

Seven wondered. Should she write a message for the Captain? Their last conversations had been so confusing. Although she did not really know what she would write, she had already said quite enough. Also, just thinking about writing the message made her feel slightly lightheaded. Besides, she could not deny that _I love you_ were fine last words to say to someone.

The Doctor tried to figure out her facial expression. “Seven, some say that a positive mindset is important before going into surgery. So maybe you can stop thinking about saying goodbye and instead prepare yourself or distract yourself if that is what you need.”

Seven nodded and tried to stop thinking about the worst possible outcome. Not really knowing what to do next, she picked up a padd and went through Icheb’s report from Astrometrics of the day before. She was not as focused as she normally would be but she preferred doing this to kill the time to talking to the Doctor. While he kept himself busy with the last preparations, she waited. 

Kathryn gave up on sleep around 5 am. Considering that she had slept for a large portion of the day her inability to sleep was to be expected. But the main reason was that she was too nervous. She knew the surgery would start in a couple of hours. 

Last night the Doctor had come over to discuss his plans with her and Chakotay. Thankfully by that time she had calmed down a bit. Chakotay had prepared a meal for her from the replicator after they had talked and they were just cleaning up when the Doctor had arrived. He had addressed his questions to both of them but Chakotay had done most of the talking. Kathryn was grateful for that, she could not really answer questions about engines, warp speed or planets they might encounter in the next 24 hours. Both men understood that she could not be objective when it came to Seven. 

After the Doctor had left, Chakotay had offered to stay with her to read, to play a game or to just talk. But she had refused. Before he left they agreed that he would take command again tomorrow. Kathryn knew she should not be in charge while her thoughts would be completely focused on Seven in Sick Bay. But that still left her with her current dilemma, what was she going to do today? 

Seven would still be awake for a couple of hours. She really wanted to talk to her or somehow let her know that she was thinking of her. Could she talk to her through the comsystem or maybe write her a message? So many things had been left unsaid, especially on her part. However, just picturing the expression on the Doctor’s face when she handed him the message was enough to know it was a bad idea. He had told her to stay away so she had to stay away completely, even though her heart had never left Seven’s side. 

Checking to see if the holodeck was free she quickly decided to go there to be distracted. She could go to Da Vinci’s studio to work on her clay modelling, that usually calmed her down enough. Even though all her models these days had delicate facial implants instead of eyebrows.

Mr. and Mrs. Paris, also known as Lieutenants Paris and Torres, arrived in Sick Bay early. While Tom went to have a final chat with the Doctor before the surgeries started, B’Elanna made a straight line for Seven who was still studying her padd.

When the Doctor had asked the Chief Engineer to help him with the surgeries, she had been reluctant. It was quite a responsibility and so many things could go wrong. But he had explained that Seven was willing to take on the risks and it seemed that together they had already made quite an impressive plan. After Icheb had made his modifications the plan looked rock solid, still she felt nervous. 

Seven looked up when B’Elanna approached her. “Lieutenant, thank you for offering your time and expertise.”

B’Elanna smiled at Seven, she was always so formal even now she was going to mess around in her head. “You are welcome Seven.” Hesitating for a moment she continued. “How are you feeling today? Are you still sure you want to do this?”

“I can assure you I am quite sure, I have not changed my mind.” Seven put the padd back on the table, having read only parts of the report. 

“It is just that it is so dangerous. The Doctor explained the plan and it looks good from an engineering point of view. But this is your cortical node we are talking about. If something goes wrong, even the tiniest of mistakes, or if we have to take it out and do not place it back in time… you could be seriously injured.” B’Elanna studied Seven’s face, expecting to see the blank expression she had gotten used to in the past few years.

However when Seven looked at her she gave her an encouraging smile. “I am confident that nothing will go wrong, Lieutenant. Besides, the Doctor has informed me that a positive mindset is important.” The women shared a knowing look, the one thing they had bonded over in the past year was their distaste of being a patient and they both hated the Doctor’s clichés. They had really become closer the last time Seven had been under the Doctor’s care for her cortical node. 

“Don’t get me wrong, Lieutenant, I know that there are a lot of risks. But for me the gains of these surgeries being successful far outweigh the risks. Isn’t being human about taking risks?” She quickly looked from B’Elanna to Tom. “Can one truly love without taking risks?” 

B’Elanna was taken aback. She had not expected such an emotional response and Seven’s face was not blank but filled with emotions. Hope, fear and an intense sadness. She felt bad for her, not in a small part because of how she had treated Seven when she first came onboard. Back then she had only seen the Borg, not the woman, the victim, underneath. Now she really looked at Seven, her friend, and realized how much she had changed but also how much Seven had changed her.

Seven looked back at her, perhaps expecting answers to her questions. “Of course, Seven you are right.” Taking a breath to clear her own head and hopefully the mood. “Just wanted to make sure that you are sure, that’s all.” 

The Doctor and Mr. Paris approached them then. “I think we are ready Seven. Do you have any questions left? Is there anything you want to do before we start?” The Doctor asked her. 

Seven was not sure what he expected her to say. What could she possibly want in a moment like this? Starting to feel uncomfortable, now that the attention of the three people in front of her was solely focused on her, she quickly replied. “No, Doctor. I am ready.”

“I have just checked in with the Bridge.” Tom informed them all. “We have dropped out of warp and everything looks good.”

The Doctor nodded. “Then let’s begin.”

Kathryn was going out of her mind. She had spent two hours in the holodeck. First working on her clay modelling then going through programs about history, about her home but nothing seemed to distract her enough. Everywhere she looked, she saw Seven. She quickly returned to her quarters. At 7:45 Chakotay checked in through the comsystem to see if she was alright. With her bravest voice she told him she was fine but she did not really think she had fooled him.

The next hours she spent pacing her quarters, picking up books and setting them down again after trying to read the same page over and over. She started writing a letter to her mother, telling her about the surgeries but quickly deleted it again. Her mother had started corresponding with Seven after Kathryn had told her about her and how Seven did not have a lot of family left. Kathryn decided she would write the letter when the surgeries were over and they knew Seven was going to be alright so she would not worry her mother unnecessarily. Still there was already so much she wanted to tell her mother. So much had happened and still so much more could happen but it all depended on the success of the surgeries. 

She tried to let go of her agitation, tried to accept that she was agitated and just let it happen but that had never really worked for her. How long was the surgery supposed to last? She had asked the Doctor but he had told her that he could not really give her an estimate. It all depended on the micro-circuitry of the node and how quickly they could make the changes. Speed was important considering that they could only take the node out of Seven’s head for short periods of time and only when absolutely necessary. Most of the work had to be done while the node was still partially submerged. Images of how this might look popped into her brain but she quickly pushed those aside. It made her nauseous just to think about it. 

When her combadge beeped she almost jumped out of her skin but it was just Neelix asking if he could be of service as Morale Officer or if he could bring her something to eat. Not too kindly she had brushed his offer aside and had asked him not to disturb her again. She would have to apologize for that later but hopefully he understood. At least both Chakotay and Tuvok seemed to understand that they had to leave her be, she preferred to suffer through this alone, too confused about her own emotions to share them with anyone. 

Shortly after 2 pm her combadge beeped again and this time it was the Doctor’s voice hailing her. “The Doctor to the Captain” 

“Yes?” She jumped up. After all this waiting the few seconds it took for the Doctor to answer her seemed to take forever.

“The surgery is complete Captain. I think it was a success.” She sank back down on her couch, relief flooding through her like searing flames. “Of course we can not be sure of the results until Seven wakes up and we can only be absolutely certain after the other surgeries but I am pleased with the results so far.” 

The Doctor paused for a moment, perhaps waiting for a response but Kathryn was unable to say anything, so he continued. “After Seven has woken up and I have run some tests, I will get back to you.”

Taking a few deep breaths she finally found her voice again. “Thank you Doctor.” 

Closing her eyes she leaned back until she was half sitting half lying on the couch. Every fiber in her body wanted to run to Sick Bay and see Seven. But at the moment she had to be content with knowing that she was alright. The first hurdle was taken and she could finally breath again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first draft had this chapter end after the Doctor hailed the Captain but I thought that was overly dramatic and perhaps a little mean as a cliffhanger. ;)
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	11. Stifling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone reading this story! A special thanks to those who keep leaving comments, forever grateful!  
> This chapter starts with Seven but halfway through it switches to Kathryn. I hope you enjoy reading it!

When Seven woke up again it took her longer than usual to remember where she was and what had happened. The first few moments she was quite groggy, scaring the Doctor and his two assistants. Seeing a former Borg drone as disoriented as Seven was in that moment was quite terrifying and they were afraid that something had gone wrong with the surgery.

However, Seven’s head quickly cleared and after the Doctor had reminded her of the surgery it all started to come back. After her mind and body had caught up, nothing seemed different from before the surgery. All her motor functions checked out and her cortical node seemed to behave as if nothing had happened. The Doctor was especially pleased by this last part as it proved to him that the node did not automatically adapt to all changes by reversing them. The node accepted the changes they had made in the micro-circuitry. Of course this was only the first and the easiest of the three surgeries but it was an encouraging sign. 

Even so, the Doctor still performed all the tests and scans that he could think of. Irritating Seven to no end. After what felt like hours of testing he finally seemed satisfied and allowed her to eat something. Neelix had brought food for Seven to Sick Bay, his own interpretation of an Earth feast. Seven did not eat all of it, most was too pungent and there was simply too much food. 

Thankfully Tom was still there to help and he happily munched on French fries while the Doctor looked on with disapproval and perhaps a hint of jealousy. Seven was simply amazed by the amounts of food Tom could eat in such a short time, that was one aspect of humanity she was never going to adopt. Becoming restless after being cooped up in Sick Bay for so long she asked the Doctor what the next step was.

“I would like for you to regenerate again, Seven. Let’s take the night for regeneration and sleep for my assistants.” He quickly nodded his head to Tom who had started on the chocolate molten lava cakes. “Then in the morning, if the node is still acting as it is now, I see no reason not to continue with the second surgery. We might as well take advantage of this calm area of space we are travelling through right now.” The Doctor did not want to rush her but at the same time they never knew what lay behind the next star system in this quadrant. Voyager had returned to warp speed after the Doctor had informed the Captain and Commander Chakotay that the surgery was over but their long range sensors still showed no immediate change in population of the space ahead.

Wearing the cortical monitor once again Seven finally left Sick Bay. She knew regeneration was a good idea considering how her Borg implants had felt at least some strain during the surgery. But she did not feel tired and returning to the cold empty Cargo Bay did not appeal to her. Considering how rested she was, she concluded that her regeneration cycle would probably be quite short and that should give her some time. She knew she still had to be careful and therefore knew she could not go to the Mess Hall or any other area of the ship where she could run into the Captain.

Shaking herself mentally she decided to go to Astrometrics. She wanted to check those long range sensor readings herself and perhaps Icheb was still there. Entering the lab she saw him standing in the circle of screens, pouring over Starfleet charts of the Alpha Quadrant.

“Seven! What are you doing here? I did not expect to see you today. The Doctor said you would rest and then continue with the second surgery in the morning. I was planning to see you before that.” He smiled at her but his tone was slightly reproachful as Seven had a history of being a bad patient.

“I was on my way to the Cargo Bay but considering how much time I spent either asleep or unconscious in the past few days, I felt like I could take a small detour. My regeneration cycle is probably not going to take the whole night.” Seven defended herself.

“Well it is good to see you and to see that you haven’t changed a bit.” He said. “I guess you don’t feel any different?” 

“No. But that was to be expected, this was the easiest surgery.” Seven moved to the screens and pulled up the long range sensors so that the results were displayed on the main screen.

“Ah I see, you are here to check my work.” Icheb said with a straight face. “Are you afraid that I might have missed something that might jeopardize the surgeries?”

Seven quickly looked back at him. “No of course not! I know you don’t make mistakes.”

“It’s alright Seven, I was joking.” He was smiling again. “Tom and Harry say I am getting better at humor.” 

Seven grimaced, she wasn’t sure if those two were the standard that Icheb should measure himself with when it came to humor but did not point that out. “So you are. I just wanted to see if there really are no missed opportunities here for Voyager. Considering our last failed trading mission, I don’t want to be the reason that we might miss other refueling stations.”

“There is nothing there and don’t worry we have plenty supplies to go on.” Icheb reassured her. “Stop feeling so guilty, you could not have picked a better spot to make these changes to your node.”

She begrudgingly returned his smile and moved on to the data they had collected from the star systems they had passed while she had been in Sick Bay. Leaving her to her screens Icheb returned to his own. He had planned to go back to his quarters but instead stayed with her in case she needed him. 

The work eased Seven’s mind as she could spent some of her energy reconfiguring the data into calculations and charts. After two hours her combadge beeped. “The Doctor to Seven of Nine.”

She closed her eyes and heaved a big sigh but responded nonetheless, as naive as she could. “Yes, Doctor?”

“I see you are in the Astrometrics Lab instead of regenerating in the Cargo Bay. Is there a problem? Should I come over?” He kept his tone light but there was a stern and threatening undercurrent to it.

“No problems Doctor I just wanted to do some work. I will go to the Cargo Bay right now, no need to come here. Seven out.” She quickly ended the conversation giving him what he wanted. 

Turning around she saw Icheb’s smug smile was back on his face. He was closing his own reports and seemed ready to leave the lab himself. Seven copied him and together they walked into the corridor. Icheb asked if he should escort her to the Cargo Bay to make sure she got there this time but she quickly brushed that aside with a stern look.

They halted near the turbolift as they were going in opposite directions from there. “Good luck tomorrow, Seven. I am sure the next surgery will go just as well as the first one.”

“Thank you, Icheb. I am sure it will.” With those words she stepped into the lift, not ready for another emotional goodbye like they had the day before. He knew everything she had said still applied. 

As she entered the Cargo Bay she quickly stepped into her alcove. She knew the Doctor was probably checking her every move through the Computer and she did not need another lecture. Resigned she let the regeneration cycle begin.

Kathryn slept well that night, compared to the nights before. The Doctor had put her mind at ease as he had informed her of the tests he had run on Seven. The node seemed to accept the changes and that was good news. Kathryn was happy to hear that they would proceed with the second surgery the very next day, the sooner this was all over the better. Her nerves could not take this very long. Having asked all the questions she still had, she had felt a lot better. Even though she could not talk to Seven, she still felt like she was part of it all. She just had to be patient and with that mindset sleep had come easily.

She had dreamt of Seven. 

They had been standing in rich fields, a red and white barn and a big farmhouse visible only in the distance. Seven had been wearing blue jeans and a red and black flannel shirt. Her hair was loose and formed golden waves as it framed her face. In her dreams Seven always had her implants, she could not really imagine Seven without them and she did not want to. They were part of her and Kathryn loved them. 

Seven’s face had been peaceful and she was smiling at her. She had looked so beautiful. In the dream Kathryn was walking towards her and when she got closer Seven reached out her hand. But just before Kathryn could grasp it into her own she had woken up. 

Sighing she had tried going back to sleep and to the dream but she knew it was no use. As her mind slowly let go of the dream the realization that today was another day of surgery had fully woken her up. 

She got out of bed, took a quick shower and got dressed. She intended to eat breakfast in the Mess Hall and then head to the Bridge, trying to go back to her usual routine. 

Chakotay had come over again after they heard the surgery was successful, to talk about their command shifts. Kathryn did not think it fair to her first officer to make him take another full day shift of command even though the space they moved through was boring as hell. Besides, she really hoped it might do her good to be on the Bridge. Staying in her quarters might not have been the wisest choice after all. She had been on the verge of going mad. 

Even so, they agreed that she would only take half of the day shift and return to her quarters afterwards to wait for the Doctor to tell her how the second surgery had gone. She'd rather receive that news when she was alone so she could react as Kathryn without having to keep her composure as the Captain. Fully dressed in her uniform, with her pips all in the right place, she stepped out in the corridor. Ready to take on at least the first half of the day.

Chakotay had been right about this area of space. It was utterly boring and the bridge crew had almost nothing to do. Tuvok kept a close eye on the results from the long range scans but it seemed that they had days or maybe even weeks of dead space ahead. As it was not the first time this happened it did not really rattle the crew but moving at impulse made it seem like they were not moving at all. 

Early on in her shift the Doctor had called the Bridge to let them know that he was ready to begin and they had dropped out of warp. From that moment on Kathryn had completely tensed up, knowing that Seven was once again in danger. She had failed to find any distractions in her quarters yesterday but being on the Bridge with so little to do was not much better after all.

Tuvok tried to engage her in philosophical discussions about Vulcan literature. A topic he must have picked out beforehand, trying to prepare a strategy for the Captain’s anxiety. She was grateful because she could at least pretend to listen and keep up appearances for the sake of her junior staff who kept glancing at her nervously but it did not really distract her. 

She kept checking the time but it seemed that with Voyager dropping out of warp, time itself had slowed down too. Everything and everyone seemed to move at a slower pace. She was reminded of those stifling summer days back home when everything would slow down because it was simply too hot to move. 

Shortly before half of the shift was over Chakotay arrived on the Bridge, asking if she wanted to join him for lunch in the Mess Hall before he took over command. Leaving the Bridge in Tuvok’s capable hands, she quickly agreed. 

“I see taking a shift on the Bridge did not calm you as you had hoped.” Chakotay observed as they stood in the turbolift.

“It did not. It might have helped if we weren’t plodding along in dead space. I almost wished for some sort of emergency if it hadn’t endangered the surgery.” Kathryn told him. 

Arriving in the Mess Hall they quickly joined the line to receive lunch from Neelix. He briefly tried to engage them in conversation, asking if they had heard anything from Sick Bay. Chakotay quickly replied that they hadn’t and shot him a look, warning him about trying to get more out of their Captain. Thankfully Neelix understood and after filling their trays, let them go. 

Kathryn turned and at first started to look for an empty table. But then she saw Icheb sitting by himself at a table in the corner and quickly made her way towards him after briefly checking with Chakotay. 

“Can we join you Icheb?” She asked him.

“Of course!” Icheb quickly made some room on the table as he had taken several padds with him from the Astrometrics Lab. He tried not to look at the Captain any differently than before but knowing that she now knew about Seven’s feelings made it slightly difficult. So instead he tried to convey his emotions with a smile.

Kathryn understood and quickly realized that Seven must have told him about their encounters. She was not surprised, they were like family. One of the reasons she had wanted to sit with Icheb was because he was the closest to Seven she could get right now. Also, she figured that he must be anxious to hear from Sick Bay as well. 

Chakotay swiftly engaged Icheb in conversations about the Astrometrics Lab, joking about how the young men should not take his work with him when he took a break. Icheb then launched in a passionate defense of how he was studying ancient Vulcan star charts and Kathryn quickly zoned out. 

She tried to eat but now that her shift was over her nauseous nervousness of the day before came back. Icheb excused himself first, wanting to get back to the Lab. Kathryn and Chakotay stayed until his shift started and then she quickly returned to her quarters. 

She had decided to write that letter to her mother after all. She did not need to save it for the next data stream just yet but she could at least make a start and put her thoughts and feelings into words. This worked well for a while as she tried imagining telling her mother face to face about everything that had happened this week. But as the hours melted away she grew more restless. Surely they must be done by now... She kept expecting her combadge to beep but nothing happened. 

Around 6 pm she had just started pacing again when instead of her combadge her door chimed. Surprised and expecting to see either Chakotay or maybe even Neelix with dinner, she turned to open the door herself. The Doctor was standing in front of her and even before he said anything she realized why he was there. Something had gone terribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. ;) Had to leave a cliffhanger this time.  
> If you don't hate me too much, leave a comment to let me know what you think! :)


	12. Scorging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to everyone who did not see this dark turn coming. I hope you still like the story and that you will keep reading.  
> Thanks again to those loyal readers who keep leaving comments. You are the best!
> 
> Obviously this chapter is written from Kathryn's point of view.

“No…” Kathryn backed away from the door, somehow trying to back away from the reality that was about to crash over her. 

The Doctor followed her in and the door shut behind him, shielding them from any unwanted eyes. “I am sorry Captain… the surgery… it did not go well.”

She was shaking her head, still trying to deny what he was going to tell her. She backed away until she reached the couch and sank down on it. 

The Doctor was happy that she did because she had looked ready to pass out. He sat down beside her but refrained from touching her, not knowing what her reaction would be. “Seven is still alive. She is in bad shape but… she is alive.” 

Kathryn took in a shuddering breath when he told her that. Closing her eyes to let at least some form of relief wash over her even though the Doctor did not sound convincing at all and he was just getting started.

He took a deep breath and decided he just needed to tell her what had happened. “Everything seemed to go well, much the same as the day before. We had started building the new layer of micro-circuitry above the failsafe mechanism and all seemed to go quite smoothly. But then… the node responded. I don’t know why it happened at that specific moment. Maybe we triggered something or maybe we had just crossed some sort of limit.” The Doctor was still trying to figure it all out himself but he kept his eyes locked on the Captain’s face, monitoring her reaction. “Suddenly the circuitry surrounding the failsafe started to grow, it tried to push through the structures that we had built, trying to destroy or undo them I think. We had to move quickly to counter it and in order to do so we had to remove the node completely.”

Kathryn had started to shake while he talked and when he told her that they had to take the node out a cold shiver went right through her. 

“We tried to counter the circuitry coming up from the failsafe by trying to finish building ours first and blocking whatever the node was trying to achieve. I think… I think we succeeded in doing so. At least the node seemed to stabilize but it had been disconnected for a long time… too long.” His face showed how troubled he was and Kathryn saw the hurt and the guilt play over his face.

He continued. “When we put the node back in, it was still functional but… it did not regain all the cortical functions it had before.” He sighed. The Captain was still looking at him, pleading him with her eyes to tell her that everything was going to be okay. He felt terrible. “Seven had gone into anaphylactic shock and her heart had stopped. When we reconnected the node… it did not reestablish the support of her vital functions. So we had to restart her heart manually and control her breathing through the computer.”

Kathryn felt like she could not breath herself, her heart however was hammering away in her chest. She both wanted the Doctor to stop talking and at the same time she needed to know more.

“By the time we had restarted her heart and breathing… I am afraid it took too long Captain.” He finally broke her gaze and stared at his own hands. “Seven’s brain… it is different than a normal human brain. Because the cortical node controls so many functions, the different parts rely completely on it and when it fails… combined with the lack of oxygen during the time her heart had stopped… it caused some significant damage.”

Tears were now flowing freely over Kathryn’s cheeks but she needed the Doctor to finish his story. He needed to tell her exactly how bad the situation was. “Tell me, Doctor.” She choked out.

He looked up. “Several areas of her brain were affected. Among them the areas responsible for the regulation of the vital functions and her memory. Right now… I can’t say if she will pull through. We can regulate her heart and breathing for a while but if the nanoprobes don’t repair the damage and the node does not reestablish all its functions…”

His voice trailed off. He did not need to continue, she got the picture. Seven’s life was hanging by a tread, having to rely completely on the adaptability of Borg technology once again. Having heard everything she needed to hear Kathryn leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees and hiding her face in her hands. Trying to block out the world, letting her tears fall.

The Doctor waited. He felt terrible and responsible even though none of them had foreseen this response of the node. If only he had moved more quickly, if only they had put the node back sooner... These surgeries were meant to bring hope to both Seven and the Captain, now everything had turned dark. Seven had accepted the risks but now he realized he had not prepared himself nor the Captain for this outcome.

After several minutes, Kathryn had regained some control over her emotions. She looked up and the Doctor was surprised by the determination he saw on her face and maybe anger? Anger at him or at the situation? He slightly cringed back when she started to speak, afraid of what she might say.

“I have to see her Doctor.” Her voice was calm and clear. The Captain’s voice. “I don’t care what you are going to say. If I understand you correctly, Seven is not going to know if I am there. She might never know. I have to see her… please.” Somehow the end came out like a plea instead of a command. However, she knew that even if the Doctor refused, she would not be stopped. She was going to Sick Bay now and nothing could stop her.

The Doctor saw that it was useless to fight her on this and he agreed, Seven would not know if she was there or not, not in her current condition. The failsafe would not be triggered.

“Alright Captain, of course.” He stood up, briefly wondering if he had to help her up too but she was already standing before he could even finish the thought. “I have to warn you though. Because we had to reestablish as many functions as possible in a short amount of time we had to make some… external connections between the node and Seven’s implants. So when you see her, she will be covered in wires and tubes.”

Barely listening Kathryn quickly nodded as she was already moving to the door. Despite the storm of emotions inside her, she marched through the corridors with surprising speed. Much quicker than expected they reached their destination. Hesitating by the Sick Bay door, Kathryn tried to steel herself for what lay ahead. 

Going in, the sight of Seven on the biobed still broke her heart into a thousand pieces. The air was knocked out of her lungs. A buzzing filled her ears. Stunned she walked forward until she reached the biobed.

Seven was almost unrecognizable. A sickening green glow seemed to illuminate her skin, coming from the gap in her forehead which was still open. From it, several wires came out. Some of them were attached to other parts of her, regulating her implants from the outside. Others fed data into the computer and the machines that were surrounding the bed. Tubes from those machines covered her as well, regulating her breathing and heartbeat. Her chest rose with even breaths and the screen at the foot of the bed showed her steady pulse. Both too perfect.

It reminded Kathryn of the perfection of the Borg. Cold and calculated. It reminded her of how they had found Seven, like all the progress she had made towards becoming human had been stripped away. 

Still, Kathryn almost preferred having that old Seven back. At least there had been a fire inside the Borg drone, she had been fighting Kathryn from the moment she was severed from the Collective after all. Now the life seemed to have been drained from her and what remained was a shell.

Kathryn had to remind herself that Seven was still in there. She had to belief that, she had to belief that Seven was still fighting to come back. 

For seven years Kathryn had been fighting herself. She had not given up on getting back to the Alpha Quadrant, even though all the odds were against them. There had been suffering, pain and even death but she had pushed through. Although the last few years had not felt like fighting at all but more like surviving or even living. Only now did she fully understand what Seven had brought her. Friendship. Love. Home. If she was taken away now, if she had to go on without Seven… she knew she couldn’t do it. 

Still staring at Seven’s face she felt her legs giving out. Thankfully the Doctor was right beside her and he gently moved her to a chair that Tom had pulled up. She barely registered his assistance, nor the others who were still in the room.

Icheb was there and so was B’Elanna. They had been studying and working the screens in front of them, trying to find out how extensive the damage to Seven’s brain was when the Captain had come in.

The Doctor had decided to inform Icheb first of Seven’s condition. He had not said a word when the Doctor had explained what had happened, instead he had immediately moved on to the data and had started helping out Lieutenant Torres. 

B’Elanna was still pretty shaken up herself by what had happened during the surgery. She was not a nurse like her husband, when engines failed during modifications it was a set-back but it did not mean endangering a life. You could always start over. Knowing that their attempt to alter the node could have caused permanent damage to Seven was very hard for her to wrap her head around. 

Tom had felt even more helpless and had found it hard to see the look of devastation on his wife’s face when everything started to fall apart. He had not known what to do. He had been through some hard surgeries with the Doctor before but those had always been about medicine and biology. This was different, beyond his skills.

Meanwhile the Doctor refused to give in to his own emotions, thankfully as a hologram, that was possible. He knew he had to keep going, day and night, until they had found a way to repair the damage. He also knew that he had to keep a close eye on the Captain for now because she looked like she might still pass out. 

After some long minutes, in which she did not say anything or even acknowledge that they were there, the Doctor joined Icheb and B’Elanna again. Tom moved in and took his place at the Captain’s side to watch over both her and Seven, not knowing what else he could do.

Kathryn was completely oblivious to all the talk coming from the trio at the screens. She did not care anymore. It did not matter to her how they were going to bring Seven back, as long as they did. She needed Seven to wake up, to open her eyes, to smile… anything to replace the current image of her that was being branded into her memory, the accompanying feelings scorched into her flesh. 

Not caring about how she might look and what the others might think she gently cupped Seven’s left hand in her own, careful not to upset any of the wires or tubes. She kept her eyes firmly locked on Seven’s face, willing Seven to sense that she was there, to come back, urging her to wake up. She needed her Seven back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kathryn. :( I actually feel bad for doing this to her.  
> Please let me know what you think!


	13. Glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13... not a very lucky number...  
> Still I am surprised at how this story keeps growing, thanks to all of you who keep coming back for more.  
> Thank you for leaving comments and kudos! Really appreciate it.

Kathryn did not notice the passing of the hours until the Doctor asked her if she wanted to return to her quarters for the night. She did not. Without asking for permission she decided to stay at Seven’s side, still holding her hand. 

Food had been brought to Sick Bay but she hadn’t eaten any of it. Chakotay had come over but she had not spoken to him, she knew he would handle ship’s business even without having to ask him. 

The Doctor, B’Elanna and Icheb eventually had given up on trying to map the consequences of the operation. Without knowing why the nanoprobes were not repairing the damage, there was nothing they could do. 

Silence settled over Sick Bay as the others left for the night. The Doctor, sensing that he could not do anything for either Seven or the Captain, had retired to his office to keep working as he did not need sleep nor nutrition. 

That left Kathryn alone with Seven. After staring at Seven’s face for hours, hoping that she would wake up, her mind and eyes started to wander. Her eyes tried to take in all the wires and tubes but after seeing how many there were, how many implants had to be supported through them, they quickly settled back on Seven’s face. Her mind had woken up after the first shock and began to imagine possible outcomes. Not Seven’s death. She never imagined that. But every story she had ever heard about brain damage came back to her.

The largest problem was of course the node’s inability to reestablish support of the vital functions. The machines could take over for now but what if the damage to her brain was more severe than they realized. What if Seven’s brain was not going to recover? What if the lack of recovery meant that the nanoprobes had assessed the situation and had deemed it beyond repair? Would they have to ‘pull the plug’ at some point? Quickly steering clear of that question she remembered the Doctor telling her that Seven’s memory might be impaired. 

Seven’s memory had always been quite a marvel. Not only did she have an eidetic memory, she still had the memory of the Collective. The vast amount of data stored in Seven’s brain had been a goldmine for Voyager and she had actually transferred as much as possible into the database. 

Kathryn had always suspected that Seven did not like remembering so much. She had been through plenty of traumatic events herself while also remembering so many traumas of others through the hive's mind… it was dizzying just trying to imagine it. Besides that, something as simple as enjoying a good book was hard for Seven as she knew the outcome of most classics because of the knowledge of humanity that the Collective had deemed useful to save. 

It had always been a paradox. Seven was so innocent and naive when it came to emotional aspects of humanity and the great mysteries of life. Information that the Collective had not remembered. But on the other hand she had contained so much knowledge and wisdom of countless of species. A very rare and complicated combination.

If that part of her memory failed her, Seven would be a different person. If all of her memory failed her… then they would have to start all over again. She would not know who Kathryn was. She would not remember their talks, their Velocity matches, their work. None of it. 

Even if they did bring back some of her memories or built new ones, Seven might still not be the same. The brain was such an complicated organ, emotions, senses like sight and hearing, cognitive functions… all was determined by that one precious organ. Science and medicine had come a long way of course but Seven’s brain was not a normal brain, making a complicated organ even more complicated.

Sighing Kathryn gave up on trying to understand it as she knew it was pointless at this point to imagine how Seven might wake up. 

She traced the lines of the intricate implant on Seven’s left hand. She knew Seven was self-conscious about her implants and Kathryn understood but she also saw the beauty and elegance in them. Stroking Seven’s fingers in her hands and listening to the soft hum of the machines surrounding them calmed her down eventually. So much so that she fell asleep.

“Kathryn.” She looked around to discover the sound of the voice but could not find it. She was once again standing in fields, the wind creating waves in the wheat surrounding her. She seemed to be alone this time. 

“Kathryn.” The voice called her again but it was so soft and fleeting as if it was part of the wind. 

Turning around she saw an open space in the field, a square where no wheat grew. Deciding that whoever was calling her must be there she started walking towards it. 

“Kathryn.” This time the voice was clearer as if she was indeed getting closer to its source. This time she also recognized it and she started to run.

When the wheat suddenly gave way to the open space around her she saw her. Seven was lying on the soft ground still in the jeans and shirt from her last dream. 

She opened her eyes and looked directly at Kathryn who had frozen once she entered the open space. Slowly Seven reached out her hand to her and this time, when she moved forward, she could take it in her own. 

Instead of pulling Seven up she was pulled down herself, kneeling next to the young woman. That is when she saw the black lines on Seven’s skin. They were everywhere but all of them came together on Seven’s forehead, right where her cortical node would be. 

Seven’s grip on her hand was quite strong as she pulled Kathryn down. “Kathryn, please you have to help me.” Tears were flowing down her face, drowning her beautiful blue eyes.

Kathryn felt completely helpless, she did not know what to do and could only stare at Seven. Then she noticed the black lines turning green, spreading like a poison through veins. Seven was struggling to breath and Kathryn quickly tried to bring her in an upward position, taking her fully into her arms. Seven was clutching at her with both hands. “Kathryn… please.”

Then the green from the lines reached her eyes and the blue slowly turned green. Borg green. First taking over her irises, then her pupils and the whites of her eyes too. “Kathryn…" She choked out and then went limp. "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile.” 

Kathryn woke up, panting and disoriented. She sprang to her feet and quickly scanned Seven's face but there was no sign of lines and the green glow coming from the gap in her forehead was much the same as it had before. 

“Captain?” Whirling around she saw the Doctor standing behind her, a medical tricorder still in hand but clearly he had frozen midmotion. She must have startled him.

“Sorry Doctor. Bad dream.” She collapsed back into the chair and rubbed her eyes, trying to clear the disturbing images from her nightmare.

“Don’t you think you would be more comfortable in your quarters Captain? I will call you as soon as there is any change?” The Doctor looked at her with real concern. She had slept for hours but she still looked awful. 

“No, Doctor. I am staying right here.” The Captain replied, back in control now. She took Seven’s hand, which she must have dropped during her sleep, back into her own. 

When Tom and B’Elanna came in she nodded to them but did not engage in any chit chat. They quickly joined the Doctor in his office and continued their work from the day before.

Icheb came in shortly after and walked straight up to Seven. “Did anything change during the night?” He asked the Captain.

“I am afraid not Icheb.” She told him, looking away from Seven to look at him. “No change that I could see anyway.” He nodded and went to the office to see if the Doctor’s scans had had any results. 

So the hours slipped away. Neelix came in to bring meals and Kathryn got up every time to stretch her limbs. Walking around she ate some of the food and drank some coffee, then returned to her chair. Chakotay came in during the afternoon to see if there was any chance. She knew she should ask him how things were on the Bridge but could not find the energy to do so. He did not press her nor did he bother her with any news. Both B’Elanna and Icheb left Sick Bay at some point. There was really not much for them to do but wait to see if the cortical node would take on all its functions again and the nanoprobes would be activated. Until then they did not know what they could do for Seven.

Throughout the day Kathryn talked to Seven in her mind. She told her that she was there and that she was not going away. She told her that she loved her too. She told her everything she wanted to show her when they reached earth, she even conceded to hiking the Grand Canyon again if Seven wanted to. She told her about the house she wanted to live in with her. But most of all she kept repeating that she was there waiting for her.

In the evening she was right in the middle of describing the room in their house with the big telescope in it through which Seven could study the Earth’s stars, when one of the machines started to beep. Startled she stood up and saw the Doctor rushing in from his office, Tom not far behind. He did not speak at first and Kathryn tried to remember what the function of the machine was that was beeping so loudly.

The Doctor looked up, relief clear on his face as he started to smile. “The nanoprobes… they are active again!” 

Tom gave a small cheer but Kathryn did not really know what this meant, not having paid any attention to the medical/engineering talk. “What does that mean?”

The Doctor did not answer right away but instead asked the computer to repeat the scans that they had been running on and off in the past 24 hours. He stared impatiently at the screen for the results to come in and Kathryn reluctantly let go of Seven’s hand to join him.

“The probes seemed to have adapted… at least… they are acting differently than before as if they have… evolved somehow. They are flooding the damaged areas of the brain.” He showed her the highlighted areas on the screens, now covered in buzzing little lights.

“Does that mean that they are repairing the damage?” Tom asked. Kathryn was on the brink of asking the same question but her mind was still a bit slow. 

“I can not tell for sure but I think so. It would be the most logical conclusion of this behavior.” The Doctor theorized. “Perhaps the nanoprobes needed time to adapt, to change so that they could react to the changes in Seven’s brain.”

He and Tom both looked hopeful but Kathryn could not yet allow herself to join them. Relying on the nanoprobes felt too much like relying on the Borg to bring her Seven back. The images from her dream came back to her, how Seven's eyes had turned green and how she had spoken with the voice of the Collective.

She tried to keep up with them as they discussed the various scans that they could run to closely monitor the progress of the probes but their excitement was too much to take in after sitting quietly at Seven’s side for so long. 

Kathryn moved back to the biobed and looked at Seven’s face. Nothing had changed, there was no sign that her Seven was actually coming back. But maybe she was… Even though she did not want it to happen, afraid of disappointment, hope started to glow inside her chest. Reaching out she again took Seven’s hand, squeezing it this time. “I am here and you are coming back to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always wondered at Seven's memory and how she coped with having all that knowledge and experience while also lacking some basic knowledge about humanity and relationships. Must be really tough.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!  
> And bear with me :) More action coming up!


	14. Burning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming back to read another chapter! And yes, I will keep saying it, thank you to those leaving kudos and comments. 
> 
> I have tried to write this chapter as truthfully as I can with the information I could find and my own experience as a patient.  
> As I said before I am not an engineer and to my mother's regret I am not a doctor either. ;) So bear with me on the medical details and remember Seven's brain is one of a kind (granting me some literary freedom).
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy reading it!

Everything was burning. She could not move as the fire was dragging her down. The very flow of her blood burned through her veins and it felt like she was breathing in liquid fire instead of air.

There was pain everywhere but there was also warmth. Not the oppressive heat of the fire but a different kind of warmth. It came from her left hand, like a glow spreading up her arm. She decided to focus on that, as it felt good. 

Sometimes the glow disappeared and she panicked. Feeling alone she tried to move, to get to where the glow had gone. But no matter how hard she tried she could not move. Thankfully the glow always returned and she would calm down.

There was a buzzing in her head, it was very annoying. She tried to remember where she was or who she was and the buzzing was not helping.

And then there was darkness and she gave into it whenever she could. 

But every time she resurfaced there was a little change. Breathing became easier and the pain became more tolerable. She became aware of her limbs, her legs and her arms.

Suddenly, the buzzing stopped and there was a blinding pain in her chest. Then she felt something, like something was ripped out of her. Pulled out slowly and just when she thought she could not take that sensation any longer it was over. 

Then the buzzing continued but it felt different as if it had moved. She let the darkness take her again.

Kathryn felt a strange mix of emotions while watching Mr. Paris and the Doctor work on Seven. She felt she should be there helping them but knew she did not know what to do. Still it felt weird being away from Seven’s side after days of sitting there. She felt like she had to keep watching her because if she stopped, even for a second, something might go wrong. But she also felt queasy when they started to pull out some of the wires and tubes that had controlled Seven’s implants, pulse and breathing. Afraid she might actually throw up she had to look away at one point.

The Doctor had been very excited ever since the scans had indicated that the evolved nanoprobes had resumed their work of healing Seven. They had swarmed to the area of the brain which, the Doctor believed, controlled her vital functions. Even so it had still been a guess to take Seven from life support. An educated guess as the nanoprobes had reduced their activity in that area of the brain and some had already moved on to other affected parts. Still, interpreting that as a sign that the cortical node was once again ready to take over regulating Seven’s breathing and pulse, had been a leap of faith. 

When the screen tracking Seven’s pulse beeped the dreaded flatline, Kathryn thought she would pass out. Instead she trained her eyes on Seven’s face again, urging the node to take over. After only a few seconds, which felt like hours, the screen beeped. “Pulse stabilizing at 56 beats per minute.” The relief in Tom’s voice was apparent to everyone. The node had taken over.

Relief burned through Kathryn’s veins. Seven’s heart was beating on its own again and shortly afterwards the tubes helping her breath were also removed. The cortical node had reestablished the vital functions and the nanoprobes had done their work.

The Doctor made sure that Seven was actually stabile and then Tom moved all the dreadful machines back so that the biobed once again stood by itself. Kathryn’s chair was brought back and she quickly sat back down in it, taking Seven’s hand again.

When she resurfaced from the darkness the first thing she noticed was that the burning pain was gone and then she noticed that the glowing warmth was still there. What was that? Something was holding her hand. She tried really hard to think, it had gotten easier now that the pain had stopped. 

She started slow, realizing that she was a person… she was part of something larger though. For a moment she was confused. Was she an I or a we? Somehow that seemed important. 

What was her name? Did she have a name? Annika… no that did not seem right. That name was wrong, surrounded with pain and loss. She quickly shied away from it. It might be her name but that was not was she had called herself. She had had a designation, a number. Seven of Nine or… just Seven. That sounded right, like she remembered someone calling her that. 

She was not alone, that she knew for sure. She was part of something larger even though she was a person. One but not alone. Someone had explained that to her… it was important that she remembered. Maybe the glow was a clue. It was the only thing she could focus on besides the buzzing in her head so she tried really hard to reach out to it.

Kathryn had been sitting at Seven’s again for hours. The Doctor had reassured her that Seven was doing better, her heartbeat was strong and her breathing was even. But she had not woken up yet and the nanoprobes were still hard at work according to the scans.

The Doctor was trying to think ahead. It was difficult to know how Seven would react when she woke up. She might not remember anything, she might even be a completely different person. But if the nanoprobes fixed the remaining affected areas as efficiently as they had done the area of the vital functions, Seven might not have changed at all. It was impossible to know at this point.

Something the Doctor had not forgotten was the failsafe. What would happen if Seven woke up and the first thing she saw was the Captain sitting by her side holding her hand? What if it stirred up emotions in the young woman on the biobed?

Emotions were one important complication they had to take into account. What if Seven woke up scared or angry? Anything seemed possible now. Was it wise to wait for her to wake up or should they choose the moment carefully so they could control the setting?

When the scans of Seven’s brain showed that her consciousness was reestablishing itself, the Doctor knew he had to talk to the Captain about this. Once again he decided that total honesty was the best policy here as he told her about his fears and theories.

Kathryn listened with a growing fear. She had regained some of her calm now that Seven seemed to do better but that did not mean she wanted to leave her side. “Are you sending me away again?” She asked the Doctor. Unconsciously she tightened her hold on Seven’s hand, unwilling to let go. 

But then Seven squeezed back.

It felt like Kathryn was struck by lightning. Quickly her head whipped around, looking hopefully at Seven’s face. “Seven?”

Sensing that something had happened the Doctor quickly moved to Seven’s other side while keeping an eye on the screens. Was she waking up? “Captain, what happened?”

“She squeezed my hand. Really she did, I did not imagine it.” Quickly she squeezed back, hoping that Seven would react once more so she could prove to the Doctor that she was not losing her mind.

The Borg enhanced fingers closed tightly around her own and this time they did not relax. The grip was strong but not uncomfortable. Kathryn would not have cared if all the bones in her hand had been crushed. Blinded by tears she looked up at the Doctor. “She is doing it again, look! She is here, she can feel me.”

The Doctor saw it for himself and of course he was thrilled. After some moments of joy he quickly realized that this only confirmed his theory that they had to prepare for Seven waking up. 

“Captain that is wonderful, truly it is. But this settles it, we have to make a decision whether we let her wake up on her own or that we give her a hand. Either way… I think it would be best if we do not overwhelm her and I think that means she should only interact with me in those first moments.”

Kathryn had to swallow back some primal responses. He was kind of ruining the hand squeezing moment but the scientist in her knew he was right. Sighing she agreed and the Doctor went back to his scans to determine if and when they should try to wake Seven up.

Seven was fully aware of her body now that she knew she could move. The glow was real and she now realized it must be someone else holding her hand into their own. She could feel fingers and if she really concentrated she felt a pulse. The hand was squeezing her back. It felt strange and familiar all at once. Memories came flooding back to her, some were nice but some were not.

Most of the memories were cold and filled with metal and a sick green light. Others were warm and filled with other colors like blue, yellow and red. Red… that was an important one. It was somehow connected to the warmth she felt when that someone was holding her hand.

The more she tried to remember the more visual the memories became instead of just being feelings or emotions. She started to remember faces. Faces of people she knew were her parents but also a lot of faces that frightened her, white faces laced with metal. 

Then there were a lot of people who all wore the same clothes but with different colors. That must mean something, maybe that was the group she belonged to. There were people in yellow, people in blue and people in red. 

One of the red clothed people kept coming back. She also had red hair and red lips. She found these memories the most comforting and she quickly linked them with the glow in her left hand. She kept trying to open her eyes but something was still dragging her down like she was underwater and could not find the surface. 

The only thing she could do was squeeze the hand and it kept squeezing her back. Did they want her to wake up? Could they pull her out? If only the buzzing would stop, she knew she would be able to solve all the mysteries. Straining against the buzzing she forced herself to look further, to think. She had to remember.

Kathryn. Her name was Kathryn. Seven felt happy, she knew the name and she knew it was important. Kathryn was important. As if the name had unlocked something in her, the memories became more clear and she was suddenly flooded with images and other names. The buzzing intensified as if it was screaming the information at her. Voyager, Borg, Icheb, Collective… it was too much… way too much. She clamped down her hand on Kathryn’s hand, desperately trying to anchor herself. Then suddenly it was gone. The glow was gone and she panicked.

“What is happening?” Kathryn asked as Tom gently tried to pry Seven’s fingers away from the Captain’s hand. 

The Doctor was still looking at the screen, trying to understand what the nanoprobes were doing. They had flared up as if they had intensified their effort to heal Seven, then suddenly many of them seemed to disappear. The lights on his screen, each one representing a probe, were going out. All his programs tried to come up with another theory about this behavior of the Borg technology but he knew he had to follow his instincts now. Easier said then done for a hologram. 

“The probes are deactivating.” That was the only conclusion he could give the Captain. “We have to wake her up.”

“Are you sure?” Kathryn was trying to massage life back into her hand which Tom had somehow freed from Seven’s steel grasp. 

“No Captain, I am not sure.” Irritation laced the Doctor’s voice as he loaded up a hypospray. “I am following instinct at the moment.”

Tom quickly exchanged a worried look with the Captain. The Doctor following his instincts was a scary idea.

“Mr. Paris, I need you and the Captain to move back and resurrect a force field around the biobed.” The Doctor moved in and halted near Seven’s face. It was no longer peaceful. Her eyes were screwed shut, her jaw was pulled tight and her brows were pulled down in a frown.

When Tom and Kathryn had both moved back and the forcefield was up, the Doctor pressed the hypospray to Seven’s neck and waited.

Seven started to move slowly, she started to breath through her mouth, panting. Then she took in a deep breath and spoke. “Kathryn?”

Following her own instincts Kathryn stepped forward, trying to answer Seven’s call but the forcefield prevented her from getting closer. Now she understood. The Doctor had not asked for the forcefield to protect Seven or to prevent her from getting out but to prevent Kathryn from getting back in.

Seven’s eyes blinked open, a dazed look in them. They flitted around and then landed on the Doctor’s face. She knew him, he was one of the blue clothed people of her dreams. 

“It’s alright, you are safe.” The Doctor told her, placing his hand on her right shoulder trying to reassure her and at the same time restricting her movements. “Do you remember your name? Do you remember me?” 

Seven looked at him, it was hard to focus. Everything was so bright. But she knew her name. “My name is… Seven.” She hesitated, should she have said Annika? “You are… I know you.”

“Yes you do know me.” He smiled at her. “I am the Doctor and I am your friend. Everything is going to be alright.”

Seven raised her left hand, looking at it as if trying to decide if the hand belonged to her. Trying to remember. Then she asked “Where is Kathryn?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I am relieved myself that Seven is awake again. :) 
> 
> I know the hand holding can be a bit too cheesy for some or it might seem excessive but it is based on my own experience after being in an accident. It can be extremely comforting, like an anchor to hold on to. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Any feedback is welcome!


	15. Boiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading this story.
> 
> Sorry I did not post anything yesterday, rough weekend. But I found a better place to write so hopefully it will get better.

“Where is Kathryn?” The Doctor was amazed how once again the first question Seven asked on waking up was about the Captain. However, she was still staring at her own hand as if the answer to her question was written on her skin there. He quickly moved to the wall near the forcefield and without looking at the Captain’s face he made the forcefield opaque so Seven could not look beyond the small circle of space surrounding her bed. 

Thankfully, she had not noticed the change though she was trying to sit up. He quickly moved back to her side and softly pushed her back down. “Seven, let’s take it slow okay?” She looked up at him with clear trusting eyes and without protest stayed down. 

“I need to know what you remember Seven. What is the last thing you remember?” He asked her, hoping that the damage to her memory was not too bad. 

She frowned, her face changed to a look of concentration. “I… I don’t know. I remember dreaming. There were a lot of faces but not a lot of names.” Her voice was small, like that of a child just waking up after a nap.

“You said you know me. Did you see me in your dreams?” The Doctor prompted her. “What were we doing?”

“We weren’t really doing anything.” She was still frowning. “There were a lot of pictures and feelings… it was hard to focus. Maybe they weren’t dreams. Can I sit up now?”

The question startled him a bit but he quickly took his hand of her shoulder not wanting her to feel restrained. “Of course, just take it slowly.” He picked up a medical tricorder and showed it to her. “Do you remember this?”

“I don’t know. Is it important?” Seven looked at the tricorder with intense concentration. “I know I have seen it before. What do you need me to do with it?”

“Oh no, you don’t need to do anything with it. I was just going to ask you if it would be alright if I took some scans with it? To see how you are doing on the inside?” He asked her and she shrugged, not really interested. When the tricorder started beeping the look on her face changed as if she recognized the sound.

“You don’t have a name do you?” She asked him while he moved the tricorder up and down. 

“No, I haven’t picked a name for myself yet. People just call me Doctor.” He smiled at her. 

“Doctor… I called you that too… right?” She looked around at the biobed and the walls surrounding them, briefly pausing at the forcefield. Without waiting for an answer she continued. “We have been here before… I was on this bed… you were... treating me.” 

The Doctor was quite impressed, it seemed that Seven’s brain was still capable of quickly putting pieces of information together. “That’s right, Seven.”

“I don’t remember everything, it is like… like I forgot some important parts.” She started rubbing her temples, hoping it would clear up the fog in her mind. “Can you please tell me what happened?”

Not seeing any harm in telling her he told her about the surgery and how it had not gone totally according to plan and how parts of her brain were injured. He quickly told her that her nanoprobes were fixing her and that he was hopeful that everything would come back to her.

She had looked at him while he explained but when he started talking about her nanoprobes she looked down at her own body and raised her hands in front of her face. They were different, one was just made out of flesh but the other… there was metal covering her fingers. Flashes of her dreams or memories came back to her. The metal covered people, the green light. Feelings of fear, pain and anger. Words like Borg and Collective. 

The Doctor noticed her distress and quickly tried to calm her down. “Seven, what are you thinking or feeling right now? Tell me, maybe I can explain.”

“What is the Collective and who are the Borg? Am I Borg or am I… human? Where do I belong to? What is Starfleet and Voyager? Who are Icheb and Kathryn?” She was spiraling and her breathing came faster and faster. She wanted to stand up but the Doctor quickly grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to stay down. 

“I will answer all your questions, Seven. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be alright? I know it is scary right now but I will tell you what happened to you and I will answer your questions, okay?” The Doctor’s mind raced, not quite knowing where he should start but as she was still staring at her Borg hand, plucking at the metal with her human hand, he decided to start at the beginning. Taking a deep breath he started telling her her life story.

When the Doctor had moved towards the forcefield Kathryn had been convinced that he was going to take it down. Instead the field had turned impervious, blocking her view of Seven and vice versa. Rage started to boil up inside of her and she quickly turned to Tom, he cringed and took a few steps back when he saw her expression. “Why did he do that?” 

She moved to the wall to remove the forcefield herself but Tom stepped between her and the controls. He looked very uncomfortable but still determined. “He must have had his reasons, Captain. I am sure he is just trying to protect Seven.”

Kathryn briefly considered demoting him again and deactivating the Doctor all together. Taking three very deep breaths she backed away from the Lieutenant. He heaved a very audible sigh of relief and she quickly shot him another look of annoyance.

Not really knowing what to do with herself, she started to pace. “She is awake and she remembers… at least she remembers her own name… and mine.” She did not elaborate because she did not really know what Seven remembered. Did she just remember her name or did she remember who she was, who they were when they were together? 

Tom remained at his post near the controls, still slightly on guard in case the Captain made any sudden movements. “I guess that is a good sign. We will just have to wait and see what the Doctor finds out.” 

Kathryn scoffed. Waiting… She had been waiting for days! Days spend at Seven’s bedside, holding her hand. She hated waiting but she knew Tom was right and she also knew she should not bite his head off for acting like a good nurse. So instead she just continued her pacing, counting the seconds until the forcefield would be lifted.

Seven was very confused but also happy that the Doctor kept talking. Everything he told her sounded familiar, like a story she had read once but had forgotten the ending to. But she also knew it was her own story and with every detail images and feelings bubbled to the surface. She remembered the faces of her parents and when he told her about their assimilation she remembered the intense fear and anguish. Thankfully he did not linger too much on that part nor on her time being Borg.

When he told her about Voyager and how she had become part of the crew, she slowly relaxed. When countless names of crewmembers started to melt together in her head she interrupted him for the first time. “Please, stop for a moment.” She looked around not quite sure what she wanted to ask. 

The Doctor waited patiently, curious to see what she was going to say and quickly checking his medical tricorder again. Everything looked good. He had been a bit worried when he had told her about the Borg, afraid of the memories that would resurface and the feelings that might awaken. 

Then suddenly Seven hopped off the biobed and picked up a padd from the nearby table. “Can you show me pictures of these people? I saw a lot of images of people in clothes like yours when I was… sleeping.” She struggled to find the right words to explain what she needed. “I know I know them but I can’t really put the names to the right people.”

The Doctor smiled at her, quite proud of how she was handling the whole situation. “Of course, I can. But maybe we should take a break first. Are you hungry or thirsty? I could get you something from the Mess Hall or the replicators if you like?”

Seven frowned in frustration. What she really wanted was to remember everything right now. “I am not really hungry.” She said, even though she thought maybe she was. “Are you in need of nutrition?” 

The Doctor laughed a short laugh which startled Seven. He quickly stopped when he saw the look of hurt on her face. “Oh Seven, I am sorry. That is actually quite sweet of you but I don’t eat. I am a hologram.”

She looked at him for a while and then looked down. “I am sorry, I forgot.”

He walked closer to her and put his hands on her arms. “That is quite alright Seven, I am glad. I never mind being mistaken for a man of flesh and blood.” He tried giving her another smile but she looked back at him with an uncomfortable look.

Stepping back he quickly steered the conversation back to the topic of food. “I will send out for some food anyway and you can decide if you want to eat. Then, if you are not too tired, we can continue the story. It is alright to take things slow, Seven.”

“I don’t want to take it slow. It is very frustrating that I don’t remember.” Seven replied, looking at the padd in her hands. 

“I understand. Let me step out for a moment to ask for the food and then we can go on. I will be back before you know it.” The Doctor told her and stepped through the forcefield.

He was still smiling when he stepped into the main room of Sick Bay but that smile quickly disappeared when he saw the Captain whirling around and advancing at him. He almost backed right back through the forcefield.

“What is happening Doctor?” The Captain growled at him.

He gulped. “She is doing well Captain. I am just trying to help her jog her memory. I stepped out for a moment to ask Neelix to bring her something to eat.”

“I will go get her some food!” Tom quickly told him and without waiting for an answer he sprinted out the door.

The Doctor looked after him and hoped that Mr. Paris remembered to get something light and nutritious but he did not blame the man for wanting to leave. He could only imagine what the Captain’s reaction had been to him changing the forcefield.

Looking back at the Captain he continued explaining. “Seven seems to remember the important parts but it is all just jumbled together in her head so I am trying to clear that up for her.”

“Why did you change the forcefield? I mean… surely I can help?” Kathryn already knew the answer but she still wanted to try.

“Captain you know why.” The Doctor looked at her with understanding in his eyes.

An awkward silence followed. Slowly Kathryn’s posture changed from attack mode to resignation. She suddenly felt how tired she really was.

“Maybe you should retire to your quarters now Captain. If anything changes or if I find out how bad the memory loss really is, I will let you know.” He told her. “We just have to handle this situation delicately for now. Plus, I think you will help Seven best by taking care of yourself first.”

Kathryn put her hands over her face and ran them through her hair. Looking back at the forcefield she gave in. “Fine. I will go. Just tell her… tell her I was here.” The Doctor nodded at her but did not make any promises.

Walking back to her quarters for the first time in days Kathryn started to yawn. She really needed to get some real sleep, in a bed. But first she needed a shower. Now that Seven had woken up she suddenly realized how she must look. Going back to her quarters was the best idea and she knew the Doctor would call her if anything changed.

The Doctor silently congratulated himself for getting the Captain out of Sick Bay. He understood that she just wanted to help but there really was nothing she could do right now except get some rest.

Nodding to himself he stepped back through the forcefield only to find Seven sitting on the biobed again with the padd still in her hands. However, the screen was no longer black. Seven was staring at a picture of the Captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. Again any kind of feedback is welcome.


	16. Branding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading this story and especially those of you leaving comments. I love reading them and I hope you will love this new chapter. Enjoy!

“Seven?” The Doctor asked softly, unable to read the expression on Seven’s face. She looked up at the sound of his voice. 

“I found the pictures I was looking for.” She told him in a very matter-of-fact way that almost reminded him of the old Seven. 

“That is great. Do you need me to tell you the names and stories that go with them?” He reached out to take the padd from her but she quickly turned away and returned her gaze to the picture on the screen. 

“I know her name, she is Kathryn.” She said proudly. “I remember her, she is… important.”

The Doctor grimaced a bit at that. He wondered, could the failsafe be activated while Seven was in this state? Emotions could rise up without having a clear trigger or memory behind them. He decided to try to distract her. “You asked about Icheb too, do you remember him?”

She looked up at him, her face once again full of concentration. “I remember his name and that he is very important to me too. He is… like me.” She said while she raised her left hand, clearly hinting at the Borg connection between her and Icheb. 

“That’s right.” The Doctor said while he took the padd from her right hand now that he had broken through her focus. He quickly pulled up a picture of Icheb from the personnel database which Seven had apparently accessed. “This is Icheb.”

Seven smiled and took the padd from him again. Looking hard at the picture of the boy smiling up at her she tried to brand it into her memory, hoping that it would spark something. She tried to remember talking to him and only flashes resurfaced. But the emotions she was feeling were good.

“Shall I continue your story Seven?” The Doctor asked her and when she nodded he started talking again about her first months on Voyager but this time, every time he said a name he pulled up a picture. 

Seven listened and did not ask any questions. She stared intensely at the pictures and the Doctor could see how hard she was trying to remember everything. 

They paused so Seven could eat some of the food that Tom had brought in to Sick Bay. Seven wondered at the way the Doctor stepped through the forcefield to get it. “Why is that forcefield there? Is what I am being treated for contagious?” She asked him. 

“Oh no, it's not. I put the forcefield in place so you would not be overwhelmed. I wanted you to find your bearings in this small space first without any… external stimuli.” He smiled at her and she seemed to accept his answer.

“What am I being treated for? You said you performed an operation on my cortical node. Why?” She asked instead. 

“There is a mechanism in your cortical node, a failsafe, it is… keeping you back.” The Doctor answered. “The failsafe is triggered when you experience strong personal emotions, emotions linked to your individuality. We decided to build a workaround so that that would not happen again. That’s what B’Elanna, Tom and I were doing when the surgery went wrong.”

She remembered B’Elanna and Tom. The Doctor had showed her pictures of them only moments ago. What struck her most, however, were the emotions that rose up when he told her about the failsafe. They were very confusing and she needed more answers. “What does the failsafe have to do with Kathryn?”

The Doctor was slightly taken aback. He had been careful not to mention the Captain too often in his story and not at all as he explained to her why she was in Sick Bay. But some things had not changed, at least some part of Seven’s mind seemed to be completely preoccupied with the Captain. 

He choose his next words carefully. “The emotions that triggered the failsafe are emotions of closeness, of love, Seven. You and the Captain, you and Kathryn are very close.” 

She looked into his eyes and knew he was telling her the truth, a truth she already knew. When she had accessed the database on the padd the first name she had entered was Kathryn. When the picture of the red headed woman had come onto the screen she had been dizzy for a moment. Emotions which she could not place had flooded her systems and she had felt a tingling in her left hand. 

“She was here wasn’t she? When I was sleeping.” She asked the Doctor, unconsciously clenching her left hand into a fist. 

The Captain’s words came back to him. _Tell her I was here._ He looked down at Seven’s hand. “Yes, she was here and she held your hand.” 

The tenderness that flashed over Seven’s face at that last comment scared him and he rose up in alarm as she dropped the padd and reached up both hands to cover her face. “Seven? Are you alright?”

The dizziness was back, far worse than it was before and the buzzing intensified. She tried to take some deep breaths and just focus on her heartbeat. After some scary moments, she slowly lowered her arms and looked at the Doctor’s frightened face. He was holding the tricorder, scanning her. 

“I am fine, Doctor… I guess… I am just tired.” She replied softly. “I think I need a break.”

“That sounds like a good idea Seven.” He said anxiously. “You have to understand that it is a bit dangerous right now to tell you everything as your emotions have clearly not weakened and the failsafe is still there. Preferably I would have you complete a regeneration cycle but I do not want you to leave Sick Bay, so sleep will have to do.”

She quickly agreed, picked up the padd again and handed it to him as if she wanted him to take it away from her. When she turned to lay back down on the biobed she suddenly stopped and looked at the forcefield. “Will you… will you stay with me?”

He put a hand on her shoulder and reassured her. “Of course I will Seven. Like food I don’t need sleep either.” He smiled at her as she laid back down. 

When Seven had drifted off to sleep he performed some more tests. He was relieved to see that the nanoprobes were still at work, although their numbers were still dropping. Hopefully sleep would do her some good. 

Seven slept peacefully and when morning came the Doctor asked both the Captain and Icheb to join him in Sick Bay. Telling them about the extent of the memory loss had been difficult. Icheb had asked a lot of questions and the Doctor did not have all the answers. 

The Captain mainly just stared at Seven’s sleeping form through the forcefield which had turned clear again. She had taken a shower when she had returned to her quarters and had fallen into a dreamless sleep. It had greatly refreshed her and she felt good as she was once again in control of herself despite still being very worried about Seven’s current condition.

The Doctor told them how he had told Seven her story about joining Voyager and how she had remembered both their names. He told them how she had looked at pictures and how they had seemed to bring back some of her memories. 

“Why do you not let her listen to her personal logs? Surely they would bring back her memories more efficiently?” Icheb asked him. 

The Doctor smiled at him before answering. “That would be a very good idea Icheb if that failsafe had been taken care of. I am afraid her personal logs might trigger too many emotions. Looking at some of the pictures and hearing some of the stories already proved too difficult for her.”

He looked at the Captain when he said that and she wondered which stories he had told Seven. He continued. “I think Seven’s emotions are even closer to the surface now that her memory is impaired, making the failsafe even more dangerous.” 

A silence fell as they all contemplated that. The Doctor then voiced what they were all thinking. “The question is: do we let Seven recover her memory first and make that our priority or do we continue with the final surgery so that recovering her memories will be less dangerous?”

The Captain looked at the Doctor, weighing her words. “Do you think it is safe to even continue the surgeries? Considering how the last one went?” 

He understood why she asked that question and knew it was not meant as a jibe at his skills as a physician. “I don’t think the risks have changed Captain. The cortical node has stabilized and is acting as it did before we started. We could continue.” 

Before the Captain could respond Icheb jumped in. “Should it not be Seven’s choice whether or not you perform the final surgery?”

“Normally of course I would agree.” The Doctor quickly conceded. “However, Seven is not in a good condition right now. With her memory impaired, I don’t know if she could even make the decision, fully knowing what it would mean.”

“Are you asking us to make the choice, Doctor?” Kathryn finally asked him. 

“I guess in a way I am, Captain.” The Doctor looked from the Captain to Icheb, both had a slightly troubled but determined look on their face. “I think you two can best determine what Seven would want us to do. The old Seven, the Seven we are trying to get back.”

Kathryn and Icheb exchanged a short look. “I think we all know what Seven would do.” The Captain said with a smile. 

She looked back at the sleeping woman. Seven was not a quitter. She was incredibly stubborn and would fixate on a problem as long as needed to come up with a solution. This had been extremely irritating at times but it was also one of the things Kathryn loved most about her. In this case there was not a doubt in Kathryn’s mind about what Seven would want them to do. She would want the final surgery to take place. She had already risked so much, stopping now would not be an option. 

“I agree but I still think that this Seven,” Icheb gestured at Seven sleeping on the biobed. “should have a say as well.” 

“I agree Icheb and I will talk to her about it. Still I am glad that I have your support.” The Doctor nodded at both of them. “When she wakes up, I will suggest the final surgery.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.  
> Emotions can be such a tricky thing to understand and when our memory is impaired they can be very confusing but even more powerful. That is why I feel like the failsafe has to be a priority right now. But then again, I am no doctor. :)
> 
> I plan to go through the previous chapters tomorrow to hopefully correct some of my mistakes. I know they must be very annoying to you, the readers (especially those of you who are native speakers) but I hope you will forgive me.


	17. Scalding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone still reading this and especially to those of you leaving comments! 
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer than usual, I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless!

When Seven woke up she felt disoriented. She had had some very confusing dreams, the story the Doctor had told her the day before had been replayed in her sleep. It felt more like her own story now but still she was missing so much. She knew the important facts, like who she was and where she had come from, but that was not enough. 

She sat up and looked around the surgical bay. She then noticed that the forcefield was gone or at least she could see the rest of Sick Bay now. It was empty, safe for the Doctor who was working near the screens in the center of the room. He was singing to himself. Seven knew the song but could not place it. 

As the Doctor raised his head for a long note he saw Seven staring at him and quickly moved over. When he entered the space surrounding her bed she saw the forcefield flicker and knew that it was still there. 

“How are you feeling Seven? Did you sleep well?” The Doctor asked her as he took out his tricorder to scan her again.

“I feel fine.” She answered him but she felt restless and did not quite understand why. Maybe she had been locked away in this space for too long or maybe the agitation of her lost memories was getting to her. 

The Doctor noticed her tone and saw the frustration in her eyes. “The scans look good, Seven. I am really amazed at how quickly you are healing. I know it must be frustrating, not remembering everything, especially for someone with an eidetic memory.” 

He stopped talking. Did Seven still have an eidetic memory? He could not be sure. Quickly he steered the conversation in another direction. “There is actually something I need to talk to you about but maybe you want to have some breakfast first?”

Seven pondered that question. She could eat but she was not very eager to. She was more hungry for information. “I would rather continue the story Doctor.”

That was exactly what the Doctor had expected her to say. “I think we should wait a while before we continue the story.” The look of frustration deepened on her face and he quickly continued. “I wanted to talk to you about the surgeries.”

Seven had not expected that, they had already discussed the surgeries yesterday. She understood what had happened now and did not see why they should circle back to that topic.

“The surgeries are not complete yet, we still have to finish the workaround in the micro-circuitry of your cortical node.” The Doctor told her. “Until we do, the failsafe is still a danger to you. Yesterday when we were talking I was afraid that the failsafe would be triggered again.”

Seven did not remember how it had felt when the failsafe had been triggered before but she remembered the dizzy feeling she got yesterday when the Doctor had told her about Kathryn holding her hand. Unconsciously she clasped her own hands together and stared at them.

Interpreting the change in her posture as a sign he got her attention, the Doctor continued. “What I would like to propose is that we finish the surgeries first and then we will work on bringing your memory back. That way if you feel any strong emotions as you recover, they will not harm you.”

Seven considered this for a moment. She liked the idea of not having to be careful about her emotions anymore. Also she did not like it that the surgeries were incomplete. But she was also afraid. Afraid of the darkness that she _did_ remember after the last surgery. 

“I am afraid.” She told the Doctor, not really sure how else to put it.

This really moved the Doctor. A surge of pity flowed through his photons. He knew he was doing what was best for her but he hated the idea of her being afraid of the surgery or maybe even of him.

He sat down next to her on the biobed and put his hand on hers which were still clasped in her lap. “I’m sorry you are afraid Seven and I think it is a very normal reaction. Especially after what happened the last time.” He had to pause for a few seconds and Seven looked up at him. There was fear in her eyes but also trust. He continued. “I hope you know that I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening again and so will B’Elanna and Tom. We just want what is best for you.”

“I know that, Doctor. I trust you.” She said without hesitation. 

He smiled at her and decided to keep going. “I discussed the final surgery with Icheb and… Kathryn while you were sleeping.” 

Seven sat up straight at the mentioning of their names and her eyes moved back to the main room of Sick Bay, searching to see if they were still there. But they must have left. Feeling a bit deflated she looked back at the Doctor. 

He was not very encouraged to continue after her rather strong reaction at just the mentioning of their names but he could not back out now. “They both agreed that moving forward with the final surgery is the best idea. Plus, we are still in a quite area of space so it is safe to proceed on that account too.”

Seven still looked at him, not sure what he expected her to do. He seemed to wait for something but he had not asked her a question.

The Doctor tried to read her expression but could not tell what she was thinking. “So what do you think, Seven? Do you want to continue with the surgeries?”

“Yes, I think so… If you all think it is the best idea.” She responded. Still she could not entirely shake her feelings of fear. 

The Doctor noticed this and offered to show her the plans for the final surgery but she refused. Instead she asked to have some food after all and if she could have the padd back to look at the pictures of the day before. 

He agreed because he did not want to disappoint her and he would keep a close eye on her. While she looked up the pictures in the database again he called for Lieutenants Paris and Torres to join him in Sick Bay and to bring some food for Seven.

He moved to the controls of the forcefield and decided to take it down. Seven seemed calm and she had never had any strong reactions when he mentioned Tom and B’Elanna so he was sure she would be alright with them coming in. Keeping one eye on Seven he pulled up his plans for the final surgery and started studying them.

Kathryn decided to spend her day in her Ready Room. That way she felt like she was doing something productive even though she was not quite ready yet to take back her place on the Bridge. She also did not want to be too invisible for too long. The crew got anxious when their captain did that, even though by now everyone knew about Seven’s condition. 

She was reading through some reports of the past few days when her door chimed. When she opened it the Doctor was standing there together with Chakotay. Immediately she assumed the worse and fear took her heart in another ice cold grip.

“Nothing is wrong, Captain.” The Doctor quickly told her. “I have talked with Seven about the final surgery and I am just here to discuss this with you and the Commander.” 

She quickly motioned for them to come in so the door would close before the whole Bridge crew could see her reaction. Taking some deep breaths she moved to the replicator, offering Chakotay some tea which he accepted. She almost offered the Doctor something but quickly bit her tongue. Food could still be a sensitive issue for the EMH. 

Taking her own strong cup of black coffee to her desk she quickly sat down as the two men took a seat on the other side. “How is Seven today?” She asked while taking a big sip of the scalding liquid. 

“She is doing quite well. I am quite surprised on how fast she seems to recover.” The Doctor told them. “However, her memory loss seems to be quite extensive. The nanoprobes are still working on the affected areas of the brain but their reduced activity makes me think that they will not be able to fully repair the damage. Seven’s memory was so vast, I don’t think she will be able to recover it all.”

Kathryn tried to take in his words but her fear of losing Seven was still there and no amount of coffee could take that away. 

“She seems to remember the important parts like people and their names are coming back more easily now. Her emotions, however, have not changed at all, which is why I suggested to continue the surgeries on her failsafe.” The Doctor explained to Chakotay. “I already discussed this with Icheb and the Captain. When Seven woke up this morning I asked her what she thought herself.” 

The Doctor hesitated and Kathryn wondered how that conversation had gone. More than anything she had wanted to be there when Seven woke up but after their talk the Doctor had asked both her and Icheb to leave Sick Bay again. 

“She told me she was afraid but that she wanted to continue as it was what we thought was best.” The Doctor continued. “Honestly I don’t think she is in any shape to make this decision but at least she is not fighting it. I asked Lieutenants Paris and Torres to join me in Sick Bay and we have gone over the plan one last time. We would be ready to begin right away if that is alright with you?”

Kathryn saw that the Doctor was looking at her, waiting for an answer but she could not speak. The thought of Seven going into surgery again was so daunting and she had not been prepared to deal with it today. All she had tried to do was act like a captain again and now her emotions were taking over.

Thankfully Chakotay quickly stepped in and she was once again so grateful for his help. He told the Doctor that they were still in quite space and that they would be ready to drop out of warp at his signal.

“Then I would like to start now. I don’t know how long this surgery is going to take and at least now my two assistants are still fresh and Seven has had a good nights sleep.” The Doctor turned back to the Captain, still waiting for her response.

Kathryn was focused on her own breathing but did manage to nod to the Doctor. 

Not wanting to waste any more time the Doctor got up but was unsure of what to say before he left. Instead the Captain suddenly found her voice. “Good luck, Doctor.” She told him while she looked him straight in the eyes. 

“Thank you, Captain. Remember if this works…” He did not finish his sentence but she knew what he was going to say. If this worked, if these surgeries were finally over, she would not have to stay away from Seven anymore. 

Seven was standing in the main room of Sick Bay and looked at Tom Paris with a look of amusement on her face. He had been showing her pictures of a program on the Holodeck called Captain Proton. Apparently she had once played a small part in it but she could not remember. When he told her about a particular dashing rescue mission of this Captain Proton she could not hold back a laugh at his dramatic gestures and facial expressions.

However, when she laughed he froze completely, staring at her. She stopped and quickly looked at his wife B’Elanna who was staring at her too with an open mouth. 

“I am sorry… I thought that was meant to be funny.” Seven quickly muttered and she could feel her cheeks burning. 

“No, no! It was, Seven.” Tom laughed with her this time. “It is just… I don’t think we have ever heard you laugh before.”

“Oh.” She did not really know what else to say and was saved from any further embarrassment when the Doctor came in.

He quickly looked at the screens and when he saw the images of that ridiculous program of Mr. Paris on the screen, he sighed. “I see you have been making yourself useful.”

“I am sorry Doctor.” Tom said. “We were just trying to help Seven remember some of the more epic adventures we have had on this ship.” He turned to Seven and gave her wink. To the Doctor’s amazement Seven smiled back.

B’Elanna quickly took over the conversation. “What did the Captain and the Commander say, Doc?”

The smile on Seven’s face disappeared and she turned to look at the Doctor. “They told me that we could start with the surgery when we are ready. The ship will drop out of warp at our signal.” He answered.

Seven felt a burst of nervousness as she quickly glanced at the biobed in the surgical bay. When she looked back at the three people surrounding her she noticed that all eyes were on her. 

“Are you ready, Seven?” The Doctor asked her. 

When she gave him a short nod he walked her back to the biobed while his assistants prepared the hyposprays and instruments for the surgery. The atmosphere had changed from fun and casual to complete seriousness in only a minute. 

Seven was shaking slightly when she laid back down on the bed and looked up at the Doctor with trust but also fear in her eyes. 

“Don’t worry, Seven.” The Doctor told her as he accepted the hypospray Tom handed him. “We will take good care of you.” And then the darkness took her again. 

After the Doctor had left her Ready Room, Kathryn did not know what to do for a moment. She looked at Chakotay and he returned her gaze with understanding in his eyes. 

“Do you want to go back to your quarters, Kathryn?” He asked her. 

“I don’t know.” She told him. During the first surgery she had stayed in her quarters the whole time and it had nearly driven her mad. During the second surgery she had spent some time on the Bridge but it had not made it any easier. She did not like her crew seeing her distraught and she knew she definitely would not be able to keep her cool this time. 

When the second surgery had started, she had been optimistic. The first surgery had been such a success that she had felt confident that the second would go very much the same way. But now, after the disaster and torture of the past days, she really did not know what to think. Maybe she should have asked the Doctor for a sedative so she could just sleep through the whole day. But somehow that felt like she was letting Seven down. 

“I think you should go back to your quarters, Kathryn. Not that I don’t want you here.” He quickly added. “But I know you will only worry more when you are close to the Bridge. But you don’t have to be alone. I could go with you or maybe Tuvok? There is no need for both of us to be on the Bridge right now.”

“That is very kind, Chakotay.” She told him. “But I don’t think I will be very good company.” She put her hands on her face for a moment and tried to figure out how she was going to survive today.

“Tuvok could help you meditate, maybe that would make this day easier.” Chakotay offered. 

Kathryn considered this, having Tuvok with her might actually calm her down. He was her oldest friend on the ship and she could really use some Vulcan stability right now.

“I guess I could try to meditate.” She smiled at him. “Although I think Tuvok will have to be extra patient with me today, even more than usual.”

“I am sure he will be.” Chakotay stood up and walked with her to the door.

Taking a deep breath Kathryn stepped back on the Bridge first and as usual the eyes of the crew immediately moved to her, including Tuvok’s. She focused on him and quickly walked to his side.

“Tuvok could you help me with a personal matter today?” She asked him quietly.

“Of course, Captain.” He responded immediately and quickly indicated for an ensign to take over his place at Tactical.

Kathryn looked back at Chakotay, hoping that he knew how grateful she was for his help too. He nodded at her, as if he understood what she was thinking.

“You have the Bridge Commander.” She quickly told him as she walked to the turbolift with Tuvok.

Just before the doors closed, the Bridge was hailed by the Doctor, asking them to drop out of warp as the surgery was about to begin. Kathryn’s mind flew to Seven in Sick Bay, sending her all the positive thought and energy she could master. One more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	18. Flickering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! Special thank you to those of you, you know who you are, who keep posting comments. Really appreciate it.
> 
> Now back to the story, get ready for some Vulcan vibes.

When they arrived at her quarters, Kathryn told Tuvok what was going on. Of course he already knew about Seven’s surgeries but he had not known all the details. 

Talking to a Vulcan about your feelings for someone was quite different than talking to your human friends but it was also quite refreshing.

Like Chakotay, Tuvok was not at all surprised when Kathryn told him about her feelings for Seven and how Seven had confessed her love for her. Apparently he was one of the crew members who already knew. 

Knowing that, she could ask Tuvok anything, without being judged in any way. She actually dared to think about what kind of future she and Seven could have together on Voyager.

“You don’t think it would cause problems if I started… dating a member of our crew?” She asked him. She knew it was still a little premature but she could not stop thinking about what it would be like, to date Seven, and now she could finally talk to her friend about it.

“I see no problems whatsoever, Captain.” Tuvok answered, all logical and still calling her by her rank. “Many Starfleet captains have had spouses on their ships and that is not against regulations. Of course those spouses usually did not fall under the normal chain of command but we could make a similar exception for Seven.”

Kathryn blushed, she had just mentioned dating. She was nowhere near ready to think of Seven as her spouse… her wife.

Because she was still trying to process what he had said, gasping for air a little bit, he continued. “Of course Voyager’s mission did not include bringing families along but our circumstances have changed. I therefore see no reason why you should not be able to take on a partner in the same way as Lieutenants Paris and Torres have done. I am sure that if we informed Starfleet they would give you permission to…”

She quickly cut him off. “Thank you Tuvok! That’s enough to ease my mind for now, thank you.” She felt her cheeks burn and was amazed how the controlled logical speech of her friend had caused such an intense reaction in her.

“You are quite welcome, Captain.” Tuvok answered, not at all put down by her cutting him off. “Is this what you needed my help with?” 

“No, actually. I wanted to ask you if you could guide my meditation. The last two times Seven was in surgery… I didn’t handle it very well and Chakotay suggested meditation to get me through this last one.” She explained.

“I see, Captain.” Tuvok noted. “I had noticed how my discussions on the Bridge about the Vulcan classics did not distract you as I had hoped. Meditating seems to be a logical next step.”

He cleared a space on her floor, spreading a blanket and putting some pillows there while she went to find some candles. 

When the candles were lit he started guiding her through the start of the meditation. He told her to allow the part of her mind that was in distress because Seven was currently in surgery, to keep going. But through her breathing she was building a wall around it. She had to acknowledge that the feelings and emotions were there but at the same time she could not grant them power over her mind. 

Of course she had done all of this before but having it explained to her again by Tuvok made it all the more powerful and effective. Slowly she felt her mind calming down, letting the hours pass away without focusing on the actual passage of time. Instead she kept her eyes trained on the flickering flames of the candles letting them guide her breathing.

After several hours she started to lose her concentration and Tuvok gently guided her to an end of the meditation. They agreed to get lunch together in the Mess Hall but Tuvok insisted that afterwards he had to get back to his duties on the Bridge. 

As it was already 2 pm most of the crew had already eaten lunch so the Mess Hall was quite when they came in except for some stragglers. Some of whom jumped up as they saw the Captain and the Lieutenant Commander come in, hurrying to get back to their posts. Kathryn just hoped that most of them were more afraid of Tuvok than of her.

Neelix asked how she was doing before he asked about Seven. She told him she was fine and that they had not yet received any news from Sick Bay. Still feeling the calming effect of the Vulcan meditation she at least answered his questions nicer than she had done the days before. 

They ate quietly which was fine with her as her mind had now completely wandered back to Sick Bay. When she had entered the Mess Hall she had realized how many hours had already passed and she could feel the nauseating nervousness rising up inside her again. Soon the Doctor would call or maybe show up at her door again… She tried to focus on Tuvok’s calming presence but she also felt an urge to get back to her quarters. 

Luckily their lunch did not last long, mostly due to the lack of conversation. Walking out of the Mess Hall Tuvok went straight back to the Bridge after he had wished her success with the rest of the wait. Vulcans didn’t belief in luck. 

Stepping back inside her quarters she left the blanket, pillows and unlit candles on the floor. If the wait was going to be another long one, she might have to try and meditate again on her own. For now she curled up on her couch and returned to the letter she was writing to her mother. It was quite long now and she knew she had to do some serious editing if she was every going to send it. But putting her thoughts and feelings into words to her mother had a similar calming effect on her as the meditation. 

Hours past. She would write a bit and then pace the floor for a while. She did not try to read a book or reports because she knew she would not be able to focus. At one point she had been wringing and scratching her own hands to such an extent that she had started to bleed. Going into her bathroom to take care of it she looked into the mirror. 

What had happened to her? She had always been able to control her emotions, even when she was in a relationship. It was one of the reasons why she got along with Vulcans as well as she did. Now the woman staring back at her seemed half mad. Was she wrong to allow herself to become this person? She was still a Starfleet Captain after all. 

But then she realized that she had had no control over it. She had not allowed herself anything... Seven had completely changed her heart and she was not sorry. 

As she resumed her pacing in the living room her mind went back and forth. 

One moment it conjured the images she most dreaded. Seven not making it out of surgery. Seven surviving the surgery but not knowing who Kathryn was anymore. Seven having changed so much that she did not love Kathryn anymore. The surgery failing so the failsafe would still be there and they had to stay away from each other forever. 

But at times she also thought about another possible future. A future in which the surgeries had been a success and she could finally tell Seven that she loved her too. A future in which they would be dating. Even though Seven might have lost most of her memory, Kathryn would be there to help her and to build new memories. She thought back to the house she had described to Seven in her mind while she was unconscious. 

Both versions of the future were battling in her head and she knew she was driving herself crazy again. Around 7 pm she had just settled back down on the blanket to try to meditate when her door chimed. 

Scrambling to her feet she called for the person to come in and she froze when she saw it was the Doctor. 

For a split second she was convinced that it was bad news, why else had the Doctor come to her quarters? But then she noticed the relieved expression on his face.

“Good news, Captain.” He said while he walked towards her. The door sliding shut behind him. “The surgery went well, we were able to complete the workaround and the node did not respond this time. I think we were successful.”

Before she could control herself tears were flowing down her cheeks and without hesitating she threw her arms around the Doctor, crushing him into a hug. Only after several minutes did she realize he was crying too. Startled she slightly pushed back to look at his face.

“I’m sorry, Captain.” He hiccupped. “I think it is all the stress coming out. I had to suppress my personal programs for so long, they are catching up with me.”

The Captain smiled at him, not caring at all. All she cared about was that he had pulled Seven through and she would be eternally grateful for that. 

“So Seven is fine. Is she awake yet?” She asked him.

“Well no. I did not want to wake her too soon and we still can’t know for sure that the node will not respond to our changes when she does.” He was mopping his face with a white handkerchief. “Then we would still have to wait and see how the node responds to Seven experiencing strong emotions but for now everything looks good.”

Kathryn restrained herself, there were still quite a few ifs and buts to this. She could not let herself go quite just yet. However, the surgery had gone well. After the tragedy of the last time, that was worth a small celebration.

“I just wanted to tell you in person.” The Doctor was once again in control of himself.

“Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate that.” Kathryn told him but then hesitated. She wanted to ask him if she could go to Sick Bay but she already knew the answer. 

The Doctor sensed her hesitation and realized what she had been about to ask him. “I am sorry, Captain. I really am. But you will just have to be patient for a little while longer.”

Kathryn closed her eyes and then walked to her couch. Sitting down she let out some deep breaths. She knew he was right and she knew she could wait a little longer. At least Seven was not going to be in surgery anymore. The hardest part had to be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hesitant writing Tuvok into the story but I really thought he could help Kathryn out. It was only logical. ;) Still writing about a Vulcan was challenging.  
> Please let me know what you think.


	19. Smoldering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading and especially those leaving comments!

Seven felt herself waking up but was struggling against it. She was having such a wonderful dream. There was a big house, strawberries, sunlight and Kathryn was there. But it all melted away as she became aware of the biobed she was lying on and the soft sounds of Sick Bay. 

When she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was the Doctor leaning over her. He was smiling down at her but he looked nervous. His hand was once again on her shoulder, holding her down.

“Welcome back again, Seven. How are you feeling?” He asked. 

“I feel fine, Doctor.” Seven did a quick scan of her own body, moving her arms, legs, fingers and toes. “I do have a slight headache and the buzzing is still there.”

Before she had finished the word ‘headache’ the medical tricorder was back and the Doctor was scanning her head. “I guess a headache can be expected. It has been a while since you regenerated. Your nanoprobes must be getting tired.”

“How did the surgery go?” Seven asked him.

“Everything went according to plan.” He snapped the tricorder shut with a satisfied smile. “The node did not respond this time and allowed us to finish the workaround. The failsafe should be taken care of now.”

As the Doctor removed his hand from her shoulder, Seven immediately sat up. She felt a bit sore but it did not feel too bad. Looking around, she saw Tom and B’Elanna standing nearby, smiling at her.

After a few moments, encouraged by her responses, the Doctor motioned for her to join him near his screens. She carefully stood up and slowly moved over. On the screens she could see the more recent scans of her cortical node and the workaround that they had created. Seeing it like that made it seem more real and she felt happiness rise up inside her.

“Thank you. To all of you.” Seven looked at the Doctor and his two assistants. 

“You are quite welcome, Seven. But I think we are all happy that this is over.” Tom replied with a smile.

“I have to say I am quite proud of what we achieved here and I think Starfleet Medical will be very interested to hear about this.” The Doctor was practically beaming.

“Can I leave Sick Bay now?” Seven asked him, not really interested in what Starfleet had to say about any of it. 

The Doctor turned away from his masterpiece. “I think it will be a good idea for you to regenerate, if you really feel up to leaving Sick Bay.”

Seven did not avoid his piercing gaze but instead returned it without blinking. “I would very much like to leave.”

B’Elanna gave a small chuckle at that and the Doctor threw a stern look her way.

“Now, Seven. You can leave Sick Bay for the Cargo Bay but only to regenerate. Plus I think it will be best if I stay with you.” Seven quickly looked at Tom and B’Elanna, silently asking them for help.

“Surely we could keep an eye on her, Doctor?” B’Elanna quickly took the hint.

“It is already quite late and I think both you and your husband require some rest yourselves Lieutenant Torres.” The Doctor replied with a tense smile. “Besides I would not trust you to look after a patient who is at flight risk, not even if you were the last person on board.”

B’Elanna seemed eager to reply to that last statement but the Doctor quickly marched off to his office to get the cortical monitor. “Don’t worry, Seven. I won’t stay with you throughout your entire cycle. I know you don’t like people watching you while you regenerate.”

Seven was surprised. She remembered Kathryn watching her regenerate and the accompanying feelings were not negative at all. Before she could say anything about that though, the Doctor was back fastening the monitor on her neck. Then he paused.

“Maybe it will be best if we transport to the Cargo Bay directly.” He said. “We should not take any unnecessary risks.”

“But you said that the workaround was stable. What risks could there still be?” Seven asked, confused. 

“Well we still have to test the workaround and I would prefer to do that here, in a controlled environment instead of in one of the corridors or turbolifts.” He explained. “Shall we?”

She looked back at Tom and B’Elanna, not quite sure what to say to them. She felt like her simple thank you had not been enough. But then Tom gave her a small wave. “Sweet dreams, Seven.” And the Doctor used his authorization to transport them to the Cargo Bay.

When they rematerialized Seven looked around, curious to see this room again. She had been told about the Cargo Bay and how it had functioned as her ‘quarters’ because housed the regeneration alcoves. She did recognize it on some level, everything she saw looked familiar if not very homey. When her eyes landed on the alcoves she froze. 

The Doctor was closely watching her and had expected her to have some sort of reaction when she saw the Borg technology. “It’s alright, Seven. They are not linked to the Collective and neither are you.”

She nodded at him and moved closer to the platform. The green light and the flashing lightning above the alcoves looked frightening but she also knew that they could not harm her but instead would bring her rest.

On instinct she made her way to the rightmost alcove, sensing that this was what she was supposed to do. The Doctor followed her and started to program the regeneration cycle for her. 

“Now, I will be monitoring your situation carefully so I will know if the cycle ends abruptly or if something happens to you physically.” He motioned at the cortical monitor. “Right before the cycle will end, the Computer will send me a signal and I will come back here. So when you wake up it will be as if I never left.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Seven said. She took another deep breath to banish all feelings of fear of the green light and stepped into the alcove.

Kathryn had hoped she would sleep peacefully now that the surgeries were over but no such luck. Maybe the meditation had calmed her down too much during the day or maybe she was just restless knowing that the failsafe might no longer be a problem and she just wanted to see Seven. 

Was Seven awake yet? Had the node responded to the new micro-circuitry? Why had the Doctor not send her any more messages? 

At 2 am she stepped out of bed, not able to stay in any longer. She almost marched out of the door to go to Sick Bay herself but then remembered that she couldn’t. So instead she hailed the Doctor. 

“Captain? I thought you would be asleep. Are you alright?” He asked. 

“I am fine, Doctor. I just…” Kathryn knew this was going to sound clingy. “I just wondered how Seven was doing. Has she woken up yet?”

“Yes, she woke up about two hours ago. I did not want to disturb you during the night.” The Doctor quickly defended himself. “Everything went well and she is regenerating right now.”

So Seven was not in Sick Bay anymore. That was good news and good to know...

“Before you might get any ideas, Captain…” The Doctor continued. “I am with Seven in the Cargo Bay to make sure the node remains stable.”

Kathryn felt rather peeved. What did the Doctor think she was going to do? Storm into the Cargo Bay to look at Seven while she regenerated? She knew she was not supposed to do that, even though it had been on her mind the very minute he told her where Seven was... Watching Seven regenerate always calmed her down when she couldn’t sleep.

“Thank you, Doctor.” She replied, quickly spinning his last comment into another direction. “It is good to know that someone is watching her.”

“You are welcome, Captain.” The Doctor replied smugly but then his tone quickly turned serious. “I suggest as your physician that you try to get some sleep yourself. I was planning to ask you and Icheb to come by Sick Bay once Seven's cycle is complete. We have to discuss testing the workaround.”

Butterflies erupted in her stomach just thinking about seeing Seven again. Like a smoldering fire that suddenly erupted into flames again. She felt like a dumb teenager. “You mean I can see Seven tomorrow?”

“I will run some test myself when her regeneration cycle is done. Because it has been a while since she has regenerated the cycle might take a bit longer than usual. After it is complete I will try to invoke an emotional reaction on a small scale first. But if everything goes well… I think it will be safe to let you and Icheb back in.” The Doctor conceded. “When I know the right time, I will let you know.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Kathryn said as she ended the communication. 

In a daze she walked back to her bed and got back under the covers. She might see Seven again tomorrow, a Seven that was awake. The last time they had talked had ended in Seven telling her she loved her. But then again, Seven’s memory was impaired. How much did she even remember of that conversation? 

Screwing her eyes shut she tried to banish all her thoughts about possible conversations out of her head. She had to get some sleep so she could be at her best for Seven tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was a bit of a rough day so I had to cut this chapter short. I had written more but was not happy with those parts yet so I decided to move them to the next chapter. I hope you liked the chapter nonetheless. Now I will try to follow Kathryn's example and get some sleep. ;)


	20. Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, for leaving kudos and especially for leaving comments.
> 
> In my first outline of this story I had thought I needed about 10 chapters and now here I am, posting chapter 20! All thanks to all of you.

“Regeneration cycle complete.” The voice of the Computer sounded very familiar as Seven stepped out of the alcove. The Doctor was standing right in front of the platform as he had promised.

“Good morning.” He greeted her. “How was your regeneration?”

“It was good.” Seven replied. She actually felt really good. Her headache was gone although the buzzing was still there but it did not bother her so much without the pain.

To be on the safe side the Doctor used his authorization to transport them back to Sick Bay where food was already waiting for Seven. After she had eaten, the Doctor asked her to get back on the biobed for more scans to see how the node was responding. 

“All the scans look good, Seven.” He told her after he had examined the results. “The node is still stable and the nanoprobes look refreshed, they are still working on the affected area of your brain.” 

The lights on his screen showed that more nanoprobes were back at work than before, the regeneration must have fired them up again. He took this as a hopeful sign as they were apparently not giving up on repairing her memory.

“I feel a lot better, Doctor.” Seven had sat up again now that the scans were complete and was pulling her hair up in her usual style for the first time in days. “More like myself I think.”

“Very good.” The Doctor picked up a padd, pulled up a stool and sat down in front of her. “Now that the surgeries are over there are two matters that need our attention. First, we have to test the workaround. That means that we have to try out some emotional responses and see how your cortical node will respond. Second, is of course the recovery of your memory which will be a lot easier and safer if the failsafe is truly defeated.”

He hesitated and handed her the padd. “Now I want to try out some emotional responses if that is alright with you. I think we should start small and then work our way up.”

Seven looked down at the padd, not really sure what he wanted her to do.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with this so if at any time you want to stop, just say the word and we will.” He explained further. “I thought maybe we could start by discussing your parents.”

As they talked Seven pulled up pictures of her parents and pictures of herself as a child. The emotions she felt were strong, she still felt quite some anger and resentment towards her parents, but after a while she thought that they should try something else.

“Both times when the failsafe was triggered, I was experiencing strong personal emotions that were connected to… romantic feelings.” She was explaining this just as much to herself as she was explaining it to him. 

The Doctor had told her the stories of the triggering of the failsafe, apparently she had shared the details with him before the surgeries. She vaguely remembered both episodes but a lot of details were still unclear. 

“I know I loved my parents.” She looked down at the padd in her hand. “But my feelings about them and about their assimilation… I don’t think they will really test the workaround.”

“Alright.” The Doctor replied. “Then maybe we should explore your feelings for… Kathryn.” He thought it was better to use the Captain’s first name in this context. “Do you remember what you were feeling that night right before the failsafe was triggered for the second time?”

Seven’s hand reached up to touch her own cheek. She closed her eyes and tried to remember. Kathryn had been stroking her cheek with her fingers and she had been smiling. She did not need to pull up a picture of Kathryn from the database to remember that smile.

The Doctor did not interrupt as Seven was lost in her thoughts. He kept a close eye on her face, especially her facial implants, to make sure he would catch any sign of the failsafe somehow being triggered. 

Seven dug deep to remember the feelings of that night. She had told Kathryn what she meant to her, how much she had done for her in the past few years. She remembered flashes of it.

Kathryn pulling her into an awkward hug in the Brig right after she had tried to contact the Collective. She still had most of her implants back then and she had looked like the Borg. She shied away from that memory and instead remembered other moments. Kathryn and her working on the Omega molecules together, spending time in Da Vinci’s studio, playing Velocity and several talks they had. She had learned so much from her, about humanity and the true purpose of life. Kathryn had guided her into becoming an individual, all the while keeping the ship safe and sound too. 

For long moments she was just lost in thinking about how amazing she found the Captain but then she realized where she was and that the Doctor was probably still looking at her. When she opened her eyes she quickly lowered her hand away from her face as she felt her cheeks burn with heat. 

“Well I think it is safe to say that you do remember your feelings.” The Doctor told her with an endearing smile on his face. “Did you feel any dizziness or other reaction from your implants?” 

“No.” Seven did not really know where to look anymore and wondered what the Doctor wanted to do next.

Sensing how uncomfortable she was and trusting that the workaround was at least holding up so far, he decided to move forward. “I think we should move on then. I would like to ask Icheb to come here so you two can talk.”

Seven was relieved that the Doctor did not dwell on her reactions and was happy to hear that she would be able to talk to Icheb. When the Doctor hailed him she quickly stood up and tried to remember as much as possible about her time with Icheb. She did not want to disappoint him. 

When Icheb walked into the room, Seven’s mind was flooded with images of spending time with him and the other children from the Borg vessel, spending time together in the Astrometrics Lab and sharing a hug in the Cargo Bay.

Icheb slowly walked towards her, slightly concerned for her as she was blinking rather rapidly. 

“Icheb.” Seven voice was soft and she was trying to mask her confusion but also her emotions of happiness and… affection.

After briefly glancing at the Doctor, Icheb reached out and gently pulled Seven in a hug. When he pulled back he saw her quickly wipe some tears from her eyes.

“It is great to see you again, Seven.” He said. “I was quite worried after the second surgery. I am sorry I did not predict the node responding in that way.”

Seven looked at him in surprise. He was staring at his feet, guilt bearing down on him. She quickly reached out and turned his chin up, forcing him to look at her. “You did nothing wrong, Icheb. No one can fully predict the adaptability of Borg technology. Besides, without your insights the surgeries would not have been a success and they have been.”

“So the workaround is working? The failsafe is not going to be triggered again?” Icheb asked her. The Doctor had moved back into his office giving them space. 

“So far it looks that way.” Seven told him. “The Doctor and I have been trying out some emotional responses just now and nothing happened just like nothing is happening now.”

“How about your memory loss?” Icheb was not sure if he should ask her so many questions but he really just wanted to know how she was doing.

“It is still very confusing.” This time it was Seven looking down. “I remember feelings mostly. But I remember more actual events than I did before my regeneration and the nanoprobes are still working on the affected area of my brain. However, I don’t really remember anything from the memory of the Collective. Just my own memories have come back.”

“Well, no loss there.” Icheb’s voice was laced with anger towards the Borg. 

“No, I guess not.” She smiled at him trying to keep things light.

“So, what is going to happen now?” He returned to his questions. “Can you leave Sick Bay?”

“I hope so.” Seven told him. “I don’t think there are many tests or scans that the Doctor hasn’t completed already. However, I think he wants to be sure that the workaround is really keeping the failsafe from triggering again but I don’t know how he plans to be a hundred percent sure of that.”

Icheb started to grin and flashes of their last conversation together started to come back to Seven. They had discussed Kathryn. 

“There is a sure way to test the workaround and it involves the Captain.” He raised his eyebrows at her. 

Seven did not really know how to respond but was saved by the Doctor stepping back into the room, apparently he had heard Icheb’s last comment. 

“My thoughts exactly, Icheb.” He returned Icheb’s grin but then turned to Seven with a more serious look on his face. “Would you be okay with asking the Captain to come here? She has been very eager to talk to you. I had to do everything in my power to keep her away from you actually.”

Seven felt her head spin for a bit but not in a way that made her think the failsafe was triggered. Kathryn… what was she going to say to her. What had she said to her the last time they spoke? She knew about the second time the failsafe was triggered and she knew that Kathryn had stayed with her while she was unconscious… holding her hand. 

But she also had a vague memory of the two of them in the Cargo Bay sometime between her second episode and the first surgery. She had felt really terrible and she had been sitting down… Then she had told her something important… she strained to remember and then suddenly it came back to her... she had told her she loved her. 

Embarrassment burned through her, she felt her cheeks heat up again and she quickly turned away from the Doctor and Icheb.

They looked at each other with a questioning look but waited for her to speak as she started pacing in front of them.

“The last time I spoke to her… did I…” She turned to look at them, desperation in her eyes. At last she choked out. “Did I tell her?”

Icheb was grinning again but the Doctor took the situation more seriously. “Actually I never asked the Captain what your last talk was about. It seemed quite private… but yes… judging by what she did tell me… I think you did.”

The look of horror on Seven’s face was quite startling and Icheb quickly chimed in. “But that does not have to be a bad thing Seven. Besides she sat with you all those days that you were unconscious, I don’t think you have to be worried about rejection.”

Seven stared at him, not able to find the words she needed to tell him how uncomfortable she was right now. 

The Doctor quickly stepped between them, trying to get Seven’s attention back to his question. “Seven, the Captain really wants to see you. Whatever happened between you two… you should sort it out just the two of you.” He threw Icheb a stern glance. “But if you would rather wait a while, that is okay too. I am sure she will understand.” He was also sure that if that was the case, he would send Icheb to tell the Captain that she had to wait.

“No…” Seven quickly wiped her hands over her face, trying to find some control over her emotions. “No, thank you Doctor. I don’t want to wait. I want to see Kathryn… I mean the Captain.”

“Good, I will ask her to come to Sick Bay then.” The Doctor then turned to Icheb who was trying to keep in his glee at the whole situation. “Maybe you should get back to your work, Icheb.”

“Seven, can I stay?” He asked her, knowing what her reaction was going to be.

“No!” She told him and ignored the fake look of hurt on his face.

“Okay, I’ll leave.” He turned to walk to the door. “Good luck, Seven. Let me know how it went!”

Then he was gone and suddenly Seven wondered if she had made a mistake. Maybe he should have stayed as a distraction or a buffer but no… she really needed to focus on her conversation with Kathryn and she could not do that with a teenager grinning in the corner. 

The Doctor walked up to her. “The Captain is on her way.” 

He watched her as she tried to take some calming breaths. “I will deactivate myself while you talk, the Captain will know what to do if something goes wrong and if for any reason you need me you can just call for me, okay?”

She gave him a nod and he gently squeezed her shoulders. Then they both turned around at the sound of the Sick Bay doors opening again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am evil... I know ;) It was too good an opportunity to pass on.  
> Please don't hate me and let me know what you think.


	21. Ignition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that last cliffhanger was a bit evil... therefore I give you... the next chapter. :)  
> Hope you will enjoy and again please let me know what you think.

Seven couldn’t breath but could only stare at Kathryn as she stood in the doorway. 

Kathryn was frozen herself. She had almost run to Sick Bay when she had received the Doctor’s hail. She had been conveniently close by, spending the day inspecting parts of the ship which just happened to be in the near vicinity of Sick Bay.

Seeing Seven standing up, looking directly at her, brought up so many emotions in herself that for a moment she forgot why she was there. The startled expression in Seven’s eyes finally made her move forward, slowly, almost like approaching a startled deer.

The Doctor took a few steps back as he watched the Captain approach Seven. When he saw that Seven continued her breathing, he quietly deactivated himself, hoping that both of them knew what they were doing.

“Seven.” Kathryn said quietly. “It’s good to see you again.”

Seven knew she should say something but she could not find her voice. She was struck by how beautiful Kathryn looked and what an impact her presence had on her, looking at pictures really was not the same.

Thankfully Kathryn had imagined this moment for several days. She stopped walking only when she was right in front of Seven and carefully took both her hands in her own. She gave them a slight squeeze. “How are you feeling?”

The squeeze in her hands brought tears to Seven’s eyes. She really did not want to cry in front of Kathryn. Not again. But she remembered the glow she had experienced when she could not wake up from the darkness after the second surgery. That glow had pulled her through and now once again her hands were held by Kathryn’s warm soft hands. 

Kathryn was startled by the tears in Seven’s eyes but decided to wait patiently for her to say something back.

Seven swallowed a couple of times and then took a shaky breath. “I am feeling a lot of things right now, Captain. I feel like there is so much I want to say to you but I don’t know how.”

Kathryn smiled at her and reached up to tuck a stray strand of Seven’s hair behind her ear. “Then let me just talk for now.” Her eyes locked on Seven’s. “First, I think it will be best if you call me Kathryn during this conversation.”

She smiled her crooked smile at Seven and she could do nothing but return it.

“Second, I just want you to know how happy I am to see you again. I was so worried about you and when the second surgery did not go well… I was just terrified.” She hesitated, biting her lower lip. 

“Third, I need to know what you remember from our last conversation.” Kathryn just had to ask. She could not move forward with the speech she had thought up in her own head without knowing if Seven remembered her confession of love and if she did not… did she even still feel the same?

Seven blushed at the mentioning of their last talk. She looked away from Kathryn for a moment and to win some time she moved to the nearest biobed to sit down. 

Kathryn followed her and sat down right next to her. Seven had placed her trembling hands firmly on her knees but Kathryn quickly picked up the nearest one, the left one, and started tracing the metal implant on Seven’s fingers. A gesture that had become so familiar to her. 

Seven stared at their hands for a moment and then looked up, looking the Captain straight in the eyes. “The last time we talked… I told you. I told you I loved you.”

Kathryn smiled at her and Seven’s embarrassment seemed to melt away because of that smile. 

“I am glad you remember. At the time you asked me not to say anything back. I assumed that was because you did not want to trigger the failsafe again?” Kathryn asked.

Seven nodded and then looked down at their hands again, mesmerized by the feeling of Kathryn’s fingers stroking hers. But then Kathryn’s other hand came up to cup her chin and just like that, they were in the same position as they had been all those days ago in the Captain’s quarters.

Kathryn did not feel nervous as she had expected, instead she only felt an intense joy building up inside her, ready to spill over. Still smiling she trained her own eyes on Seven’s beautiful blue ones.

“I love you too, Seven”

Seven’s eyes moved from Kathryn’s left eye to her right and back. Trying to read her very soul, to see if she really meant it.

“I can see you doubting what I just said.” Kathryn sighed, she had expected this. “You said that it was inappropriate for you to love me and that I could never feel the same way. But I do, Seven. I really do.”

Before Seven could even come up with a response, Kathryn leaned in and kissed her.

The kiss was soft and tender. Seven had frozen but Kathryn’s lips were softly moving against her own. The hand that had been on her cheek moved to the back of her neck, softly stroking her hair there as Kathryn slowly made Seven melt into the kiss. 

Then Seven awoke, like a fire being ignited. Her free hand, the one not being held by the Captain, moved to Kathryn’s shoulder angling them closer together. Inside her a firestorm of emotions was raging like she had never felt before, as she never could have felt before. Far away the logical part of her mind told her that the workaround was 110% successful because she felt like she would die from the pure happiness she was feeling. 

When Kathryn finally pulled back from the kiss she was breathing heavily. She had not planned to do that at all. She really wanted to take things slow so Seven would not be overwhelmed. But when she had seen the doubt in Seven’s eyes she had just moved on instinct. She had to make Seven feel how much she really meant it, how much she loved her.

For a moment Seven could only look in Kathryn’s gray eyes with a dazed look in her own. Then a smile broke free and she gave a breathy laugh full of relief. When Kathryn returned her laugh Seven put her head on Kathryn’s shoulder. The relief and the overwhelming amount of emotions made her feel dizzy and a bit tired, tears finally flowing over her cheeks. 

Kathryn quickly wrapped her arms around Seven, putting her cheek on the top of Seven’s head. She closed her eyes and just breathed in the scent of Seven’s skin and implants for a few heartbeats. Then she felt Seven’s arms wrap around her torso and squeeze her tight. Kathryn softly placed a kiss on Seven’s head and just held her close.

They stayed like that for a long time, completely ignorant of the minutes passing or of the fact that they were still in Sick Bay. 

When the position finally became uncomfortable they broke apart. Kathryn gently wiped the tears from Seven’s cheeks. “I know everything is still a bit confusing for you and I really do not want to rush this. I want to do this right.”

“Thank you and me too.” Seven told her with a smile. “I just wished I remembered everything. What we used to do, what we talked about. I don’t want you to go through all the same conversations again.”

“Believe me I would do them all over again without protest.” Kathryn replied but then paused. “Except maybe some of the earlier ones.”

“You will have to tell me about those.” Seven said while standing up. “I’m afraid you will have to explain a lot of things to me. But the Doctor says that the nanoprobes are still working to fix the damage so maybe it will all come back to me.” She hesitated. “Probably not everything, not the knowledge of the Collective. I feel like that is lost to me forever.”

“I don’t know if we should be sad about that.” Kathryn told her as she got off the biobed as well. Taking Seven’s hand in her own she gave it one more squeeze and then took a deep breath. “We should probably let the Doctor know how our “talk” went.”

Seven smiled at Kathryn’s use of the air quotes and for a moment felt quite giddy thinking back to their kiss. She could not imagine telling Icheb about this, not yet anyway.

Kathryn motioned for Seven to reactivate the Doctor, probably so that he knew right away that she was fine. When the Doctor reappeared and saw them standing together, looking perfectly happy, he almost hugged them both. Instead he tried to remain professional. 

“Looks like the workaround is the success we all hoped it would be.” He was beaming with pride. “Seven, to be sure, can I please repeat the scans for one more time to see how your cortical node is responding?”

Sighing, Seven laid back on the biobed but thankfully Kathryn stayed with her. 

For a moment Kathryn was sharply reminded about the last time she had stood next to Seven lying on that bed but this time Seven was looking back at her and there were no wires nor a green light.

“The node is not showing any unusual activity at all.” The Doctor said relieved. “The micro-circuitry we built has not changed and the failsafe is inactive. We did it.”

Seven quickly got up when he said that, walked over to him and to his surprise enveloped him into a hug. “Thank you, Doctor… for everything.”

“You are very welcome, Seven.” His voice betrayed how moved he was by her hug. “We will keep an eye on the work of the nanoprobes but there is no reason why you should have to stay in Sick Bay now.”

Seven face lit up when he said that but then a little frown appeared. “I am not sure what to do now. I don’t think I can go back to my work just yet.”

“Oh, no. That is not what I was suggesting. You should probably go through your personal logs, those could really help you recover your memory. Furthermore talking to other crew members and visiting different places on the ship should help too.” He suggested. “Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Memory loss is no small thing and try to find some company whenever you can.”

At that last comment his gaze shifted to the Captain and he knew that Seven would not be spending much time alone in the coming days or weeks. 

“Would you like to start with having lunch with me, Seven?” Kathryn asked her. “We can go to the Mess Hall or to my quarters if you want a little more quite.” 

“Thank you, Ka… Captain.” She quickly corrected herself, glancing at the Doctor. She was a bit unsure what to call the woman she had just kissed. 

He gave her a knowing smile but did not comment on it. “Remember to regenerate and eat when needed. Also come back here whenever you feel something that is slightly different or painful or if you have any questions. If not… see how things are going and come back here in a couple of days to repeat the scans.”

“Thank you again, Doctor.” Seven nodded at him and then looked expectantly at Kathryn.

Kathryn walked over to the Doctor and put her hand on his shoulder. “Yes, thank you Doctor.”

Then she walked over to Seven, put her arm around her waist and together they walked out of Sick Bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so wanted to write this chapter. :) Been looking forward to it for quite some time.  
> It almost reads like an ending but I still have some ideas in store for you.


	22. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story and a special thanks for all of you leaving kudos and especially comments.
> 
> This chapter took me a bit longer to write as I did not want to cut it short or split it into two. As a result it is a bit longer than usual as we spend the rest of the day with Kathryn and Seven.

“So, where do you want to go?” Kathryn asked Seven once they entered the corridors. 

“I hope this is alright with you but I would rather go to your quarters than to the Mess Hall.” Seven answered. “I am not feeling up to talking to any of the others just yet.”

“I was hoping you would say that.” Kathryn admitted with a smile and quietly they walked to the turbolift that would take them to Deck 3. 

When they arrived at her quarters, Kathryn opened the door but let Seven walk in first. Seven took a few steps in and then stopped, looking around, trying to remember the times she had spent in here.

Kathryn walked in and after watching Seven’s reaction for a moment, she moved to the replicator. “What would you like to eat?”

Seven moved over to look at all the different options on the screen but did not really know what to pick. She did not think she really cared about food before and she did not really care about it now. “I don’t really know. I will just have whatever you are having, Kathryn.”

Her name came out a bit hesitantly but Kathryn quickly smiled at Seven. She loved hearing Seven call her by her first name.

Kathryn quickly replicated some simple sandwiches, they sat down at the table and after some nervous looks just started eating. 

Seven was looking at her sandwich with a concentrated look on her face, trying to remember if she had eaten it before. Kathryn meanwhile was desperately trying to find a suited topic for them to talk about. They used to talk about anything but now, after they had kissed, she could not really come up with anything.

After Seven had dissected her sandwich and had approved the nutritional value of it, she looked up at Kathryn. Seeing the nervous look on her face she almost wondered if she had made a mistake to focus so much of her attention on the food. So she decided to break the silence. “Can I ask you some questions?”

“Of course.” Kathryn answered relieved. “You must have so many questions right now.”

Seven did. Swiftly they lost themselves into the conversation. Seven asked her about her time on Voyager, about her work, the other crewmembers and about their friendship. Kathryn patiently answered all of them. She should not have been surprised, Seven had always been very curious and now that her memory was impaired, she had to start almost all over again.

Their talk continued long after the sandwiches were gone but then Seven fell quiet as if she needed time to process all the information.

“You don’t have to rush this Seven.” Kathryn told her with a smile. “You can take all the time you want. I will always be here to answer your questions.”

Seven returned her smile and then quickly stood up to clear the table and put the plates and glasses back in the replicator. When she turned around Kathryn was standing awkwardly next to the table. 

“Do you have to get back to the Bridge?” Seven asked her.

“I don’t.” Kathryn replied. “The Bridge has been very quiet this week, there is not much to do. Or did _you_ want to go there?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Seven answered. “I think I should go through my personal logs as the Doctor suggested.” She briefly looked around. “I guess I should go back to the Cargo Bay.”

“You don’t have to.” Kathryn quickly said. “You can stay here if you want. I was just going to work in here myself. Or if you would rather be alone, that is okay too.”

Kathryn knew she should calm down and let Seven decide things for herself. But now that they were together again, after thinking that they might never be together like this ever, she did not want it to end. She knew it was a bit selfish but she wanted to keep Seven for herself today.

Seven was a bit confused when she tried to read the expression on Kathryn’s face. She liked the idea of staying with her but she did not want to be an imposition. The thought of being alone in the cold Cargo Bay while she went through her personal logs was a bit frightening so she decided to accept Kathryn’s offer.

“I would like to stay if that is really alright with you.” She said.

“Of course.” Kathryn smiled. “Do you want to read through your personal logs or rather listen to them? I could give you some privacy if you want.”

“No you don’t have to do that.” Seven quickly responded. She wanted to stay in the same room as Kathryn. “I think I will start with reading the transcripts, that way I will be able to process more information in a short time.”

Kathryn picked up a padd from a shelve and handed it to her. “Don’t overdo it and if you have any questions or want to talk about anything, no matter what, just let me know.”

Seven nodded as she was already accessing her personal database. She was aware of Kathryn sitting down at the table with a computer to work and she knew she should sit down herself. She would have preferred to remain standing but she thought that might make Kathryn uncomfortable so she sat down.

Kathryn pulled up her to do list. There were no reports to go through from the past few days. The area of space they had traveled through had been so empty and boring that there had not been much to report on and Chakotay had already gone through those reports that had been handed in. So instead she went through some of the proposals the crew had made over the past few months that she never really had a change to look at. Trying not to look at Seven too much she went to work.

Seven looked through her personal logs, not really sure where to begin. She decided to start at the beginning of her time on Voyager but reading those first few logs made her highly uncomfortable. She did not recognize the words and the tone behind them as it was so angry and hateful. Especially the descriptions of the Captain irritated her. 

She briefly glanced at Kathryn through her eyelashes. Sitting across from her, was very distracting. Her eyes took in the little frown that had appeared between Kathryn’s eyebrows as she concentrated on her work. Then they moved lower and focused on her lips. She still remembered how they had felt on her own…

Shaking herself she quickly looked back at her padd. She now knew what topic she wanted to read about: her own research into romantic relationships. Quickly finding the personal logs with the right metadata she started with the logs about her simulations in the Holodeck. She read through her logs as more and more memories came back.

They spend the afternoon like that. Only taking short breaks in which the Captain drank some coffee and Seven some water. Kathryn asked if she was doing alright and Seven appreciated that but she was doing well. Even though she did not always remember every detail of the events that were described in the logs, it helped to read about them in her own words.

In the evening Kathryn did not ask Seven if she wanted to go to the Mess Hall for dinner but only asked her again what she wanted to eat. Seven still did not really know or care but she asked Kathryn if she knew of any food that she had liked before. Kathryn could not really remember Seven ever saying anything positive about food except for strawberries so she replicated a simple dinner and spend some extra rations on a bowl of strawberries as dessert. 

Seven took the shared meal as an opportunity to ask more questions. This time they were all about Kathryn. She wanted to know about her home back on Earth and her family.

After Kathryn had told her about her parents, her sister and all the pets she had ever owned, Seven asked her a different question. “Did I already know all this about you?”

“Well, you know my mother quite well as you have corresponded with her in the past few months.” Kathryn answered as she took a strawberry from the bowl that was placed between them. “But I guess I am sharing a bit more details with you now than before.”

She took a bite from the strawberry but then suddenly became very aware of Seven's eyes which were trained on her lips and she had a dazed look in them. Kathryn blushed and quickly picked up the bowl and offered it to Seven. “Take one. You love these.” 

The look on Seven’s face as she bit into the first strawberry was priceless and this time it was Kathryn staring at Seven as she quickly took a second and then a third.

When Seven looked up again after her fifth strawberry, she noticed Kathryn smiling at her, her head resting on her hand. “Sorry, I lost myself in the taste. You are right, I love them.”

“So, what is the next question?” Kathryn asked her still leaning forward no longer interested in eating the strawberries herself. 

“I am sorry, I have been asking you too many questions.” Seven blushed. “I did not want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like you were being interrogated.”

“Not at all, Seven.” Kathryn laughed. “I don’t mind. Give me a hard one.”

The ocular implant above Seven’s eye arched up as she carefully considered her next move. “After our kiss this morning… I thought it would be a good idea to go through my personal logs that mention my research into romantic human relations. Could you tell me about your personal relationships. Did you ever… date a woman before?”

Kathryn was a bit distracted when Seven’s mentioned her research and did not quite know how to respond to her question. “Well… yes I have dated women before.” She gave a nervous chuckle. “I had a girlfriend in high school and another when I was in Starfleet Academy.”

Seven looked intrigued but also a bit nervous as she asked the next question. “How many men have you dated?”

“I have had serious relationships with… two men really.” Kathryn answered. “I am just counting the girlfriends and boyfriends here, not the casual dating.”

Seven blushed at that and looked down at the bowl of strawberries, not quite sure how to respond. She was so inexperienced herself, mostly due to growing up Borg of course. Then thinking about Kathryn with those other women and men… 

When she looked up again she saw Kathryn looking back at her uncomfortably, waiting for a response.

“I am sorry, Kathryn. I just find it hard to imagine you dating someone else…” Then she quickly shook her head as she closed her eyes. “I don’t mean that it is hard to believe that anyone else would be interested in you! I just don’t like to think about it...” Her voice softly trailed off.

“That’s alright, Seven and perfectly normal.” Kathryn reached out and placed her hand over Seven’s. She hesitated but felt like this was as good a chance as any. “As we are on the topic of previous dates and your research…” 

Seven looked at her with confusion in her eyes, surely Kathryn wasn’t asking her about her non-existent date life?

“The Doctor told me about the simulations you were running when the failsafe was triggered for the first time.” Kathryn continued nervously. 

Seven was glad she had gone through the right personal logs this afternoon. “You mean my attempts to create a romantic relationship with a hologram?”

“Well yes.” Kathryn looked down at their joined hands. “Specifically a hologram modeled after Chakotay.”

When she looked back at Seven she could still only read confusion in her blue eyes so she pushed on. “Why did you create a hologram of him?”

“It seemed like a logical choice.” Seven answered.

Kathryn flinched a bit at that and moved back in her seat, letting go of Seven’s hand. 

Seven was a bit surprised at the sudden change in Kathryn’s posture and knew she had made a mistake. “Kathryn, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She decided to explain everything. “The Doctor had been teaching me about dating before and had taught me everything he felt I should know about romantic relationships.”

Kathryn was still staring at her own plate, wondering where the conversation was headed. Had the Doctor suggested Chakotay to Seven as a match? That seemed unlikely.

“Because the topic did not immediately interest me, I did not pursue it in my own research and just accepted his information at the time.” Seven continued. “The Doctor only told me about love between men and women. I am sure he did not mean to be so one sided and I am sure he assumed I knew that all the information he told me could be applied to all other relationships, but at the time I did not see it.”

Kathryn relaxed a bit. She wanted to point out to Seven that the Doctor’s “mistake” might have been slightly intentional because he had had a crush on her but Seven continued talking.

“So when I decided to try dating, I compared only the men on board Voyager and just picked the one that seemed best suited for the purpose of my research.” She finished.

Kathryn smiled. That did not sound romantic at all. She could just picture Seven going through the personnel files figuring out the most suitable match. 

Seven reached out this time and took Kathryn’s hand back in her own. “Did I hurt your feelings?”

“No, Seven.” Kathryn moved her thumb across Seven’s hand. “I guess I just needed to hear your explanation. I felt quite jealous and crushed when the Doctor told me. I thought you were or had been in love with Chakotay.”

Seven nodded and a cheeky glint came into her eyes. “Believe me, Kathryn, I wasn’t. When I found out about all the wonderful variations of human love, you were the only one on my mind. In fact, all my personal logs of the past year seem to be about you.”

Kathryn’s heart melted. She stood up and softly pulled Seven out of her chair and into a hug. They stood like that for a while. Seven was the one who pulled back first. She hesitated but could not keep her eyes from Kathryn’s lips any longer. Briefly glancing up to check the look in Kathryn’s eyes she leaned forward and kissed her.

This time the kiss went deeper and Kathryn almost lost her footing. But Seven was holding her close and was not going to let her fall. She quickly moved them to the couch and sat down while pulling Kathryn on her lap. 

Seven’s hands were on Kathryn’s back, bracing her while Kathryn reached up to stroke one hand through Seven’s hair, pulling out the pins as her other hand softly traced the outline of an implant over Seven’s spine. 

Seven was completely lost in the feeling of Kathryn in her arms. She could still taste the strawberries on Kathryn’s lips and tongue as fireworks went off in her head but only the good kind. Love and happiness were raging inside of her and she knew she would never tire of this.

Panting they finally broke apart and just stared at each other’s eyes for a moment. Then Kathryn leaned in and pressed her forehead against Seven’s. “Are we going too fast for you?” She asked with real concern in her voice.

“No.” Seven quickly replied, although she felt quite dizzy. “I don’t want to let you go.”

Kathryn leaned back slightly and took Seven’s face in both her hands. “You never have to let me go and I will never let you go. I love you, Seven.”

“I love you too, Kathryn.” Seven replied with a smile and then they sank into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> I only have one more chapter planned plus an outtake that I will post as a separate story as it will have a very different rating (if you know what I mean) and I want to keep the rating of this story 'teen and up'. 
> 
> Tomorrow I have to go on a trip that I have been dreading for a while. I hope I will be able to write as I am away from home but I might not be able to update every day. Thankfully the story is written for the most part. :)


	23. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience and I hope you are all still enjoying this story.
> 
> I told you that I still had one more chapter planned but I decided to split it into two.  
> (If I ever start a story like this again, I will not try to guess the number of chapters beforehand and just map out the story itself in a rough draft ;) )

Seven slept on the Captain’s couch that night. Kathryn had offered her the bed but Seven had refused as she already felt like an imposition for staying in Kathryn’s quarters for so long. However, the thought of leaving was worse, so she gratefully accepted the offer to stay and sleep. Regeneration would come later. 

Kathryn had lain awake for a long time. Her ears had strained to hear even the softest sound coming from her living room and the rest of her body had been hyper aware of Seven being so close and wishing she was even closer. Still she had known it would be too much for them to spend that night in bed together. She did not want to rush this and Seven was still missing most of her memories.

When she woke up her thoughts immediately went to Seven and she quickly but quietly got out of bed to see if Seven was awake. She wasn’t and Kathryn’s chest constricted with feelings of love watching the peaceful look on her beautiful face. She stared at her for a moment and then slipped into her bathroom, trying not to make a sound.

When Seven woke up she was very disoriented and at first she did not recognize her surroundings. But then the images clicked into her mind and the soft smells of Kathryn and her belongings told her where she was. Her ears picked up the sound of the sonic shower and she realized Kathryn was already awake and getting ready for another day.

Seven decided to replicate some breakfast, using her own rations, to surprise Kathryn when she came out of the bathroom. She quickly checked her own reflection in the mirror and fixed her hair. She would need a change of clothes soon too but for now it had to do. 

“What’s all this?” Kathryn said surprised as she looked at her table which was loaded with a diversity of breakfast dishes and a lot of coffee. 

“I do not know what you normally have for breakfast. Or at least I do not remember.” Seven explained. “So I replicated some options.”

Kathryn walked towards her and gave her a soft kiss. “Thank you, that is very sweet. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. Did you?” Seven felt strangely nervous as she sat down at the table but also very happy. She wanted every morning to be like this. 

“I did, eventually.” Kathryn gave her a wink and Seven blushed. 

They were quite for a while as the Captain took her morning coffee first and then tried as many dishes as possible. They discussed the rest of their day. Kathryn had a senior staff meeting in the morning and wanted to spend the rest of the day on the Bridge. 

Seven was going to continue reading her personal logs but she had decided that she should move around the ship a bit today too. She wanted to talk to Icheb and was planning to go to the Astrometrics Lab after breakfast.

After clearing the table and dropping all of the dishes back in the replicator they both paused, a bit unsure what to do. Kathryn quickly took the lead as she took Seven in her arms again. “Have fun today and come see me whenever you want. Or call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you, I hope you will have a good day too.” Seven replied as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through Kathryn’s hair as if she wanted to commit the feeling to memory before leaving their own little bubble of peace and quiet.

“I was thinking…” Kathryn said as she leaned into Seven’s touch. “Maybe we can have dinner together again tonight but not here.”

“Do you want to have dinner in the Mess Hall?” Seven’s hands had moved down, stroking Kathryn’s neck as her left hand came to rest on her captain’s pips.

“I would like a bit more privacy still. I know it is a bit selfish but I am not quite ready to share you yet.” Kathryn replied with a grin.

“That is more than acceptable to me.” Seven told her with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Would you like to go on a date with me on the Holodeck?” Kathryn asked, suddenly feeling nervous again. “I was thinking that we could go on a little picnic. I have the perfect program for it.”

“I would love that.” Seven said without really knowing what a picnic was. She smiled down at Kathryn, her face moving in closer as their lips were only inches apart. 

“Great.” Kathryn whispered. “I will bring the food… and I will check to see what time the Holodeck is free”

Seven did not reply but instead captured Kathryn’s lips in another kiss.

Kathryn had never believed it would be this hard to leave someone but ripping herself away from Seven’s kiss and embrace had been very hard. She felt both grumpy at having to go back to duty but at the same time she was so happy that she could not wipe the grin from her face. Every corridor looked the same but different at the same time, as if the light itself had changed.

“Good morning.” She told her senior staff as she entered the Briefing Room and by the looks on their faces they immediately caught her mood. Even Tuvok raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Good morning Captain.” The Doctor replied as she walked to her chair. “How is Seven this morning?”

“She is doing well and is meeting Icheb right now.” Kathryn replied, then she noticed the looks being exchanged by the rest of her senior staff at her knowing how Seven was doing so early in the morning. “She went through some of her personal logs yesterday and I think they really helped bringing back some memories.”

She cleared her throat as she gave Tom Paris and Harry Kim a stern look to stop them from grinning. “What is on the agenda today?”

“Not much.” Chakotay replied, helping her get the conversation to ship’s business. “We did some sensor recalibrations over the past few days.”

The next hour they spent discussing the modifications and some of the proposals the crew had made to get them through this quiet area of space and Kathryn slowly relaxed. This felt normal, she was just the Captain now. A happy captain but still a captain.

“If there is nothing more, we can return to duty.” She told them when the conversations died out. She was already pushing back her chair as she was eager to return to the Bridge.

“Captain.” Tuvok quickly stopped her. “Do we need to address Seven’s position in the chain of command or is that premature?”

Kathryn blinked at him. “I think that can wait a little while longer, Tuvok. Or do you think we should change protocol now?” She addressed this question to everyone present. Chakotay at least tried to hide his smile with his hand but Tom, Harry and B’Elanna were openly beaming at her. 

Neelix was practically jumping in his seat. “I am sorry, Captain. I don’t know much about protocol but I think I speak for every crewmember on board when I say that we are all very happy for you two.” Neelix told her. “We could throw a party! Both to celebrate the success of the surgeries and your new relationship.”

Kathryn knew her face must be about the color of her uniform. “No one is celebrating anything, Neelix. Seven only woke up yesterday and is still suffering from the complications of the second surgery.”

She knew that came out a bit harsh and from the corner of her eye she saw the Doctor shrink back in his chair a bit. “I’m sorry. I am glad you are all so happy for us.” She quickly added. “But Seven and I are not rushing into this and I would appreciate it if you didn’t either.”

“Very well, Captain.” Neelix replied, not put down at all. “We will have a celebration when you are both ready for it.”

Kathryn knew she could try to fight it but knowing her crew, a celebration would be inevitable. Taking one last look around the table to check that everyone was fine with leaving her relationship off the table for now, she stood up. “Then I would like to thank you all and I hope you have a nice day.”

Neelix, Tom, Harry and B’Elanna left the Briefing Room as a group and Kathryn caught them whispering together. She realized that soon the ship would be buzzing with the news of her and Seven dating and she briefly wondered if she should send Seven a warning. 

Chakotay hung back while Tuvok and the Doctor left to return to their duties. He gave her a long look, probably trying to see how she was really doing but then smiled. “Congratulations, Kathryn. I really am happy for you, both of you.”

“You all sound like Seven and I got married. We only spend one day together.” Kathryn said while she picked up the padds that were left on the table. 

“Just the day?” He asked with a grin on his face.

“Yes, Chakotay! What do you think of me? Seven’s memory is just coming back and besides… it would be way too soon.” Kathryn really wished she would not blush so deep but she always had. “Seven did spend the night in my quarters but she slept on my couch. Nothing inappropriate happened.”

“I am sorry, Kathryn.” He turned serious. “I did not mean to accuse you of anything. Besides I don’t think it would be that inappropriate. You two are not just starting out at the level of a normal first date. You have been circling around each other for almost four years.”

Kathryn stopped tidying up the room and looked back at him. She knew he was right but she suddenly became really nervous for tonight. What she had been planning in her mind had been quite a traditional first date. Would it be too simple? Was Seven expecting more?

Chakotay was looking at her with a look of concern now, wondering what she was thinking and she decided to ask him for advice. “I asked out Seven for a date on the Holodeck this evening and now I am concerned it is not going to be what she expects or it might not be spectacular enough.”

Chakotay shook his head and then smiled at her. “Kathryn, please try to relax. You just said yourself that you don’t want to rush anything and you are right. With Seven’s condition being what it is right now, you should not rush anything at all. Besides, you will know what to do if you just follow your gut. Do what feels right and wait if you want to wait. As long as you are both on the same page, you can’t go wrong.”

Kathryn knew she was acting crazy, everything had felt right this morning so she should not let others get into her head. All that mattered was what Seven thought of the date. Which reminded her she still needed to check to see if the Holodeck was even free.

“I have Holodeck 1 reserved tonight from 7 till 9 pm. But why don’t you take it, as a gift from me.” He smiled. 

“Are you sure? Did you not have plans yourself?” Kathryn asked.

“I was just going to do some hiking. It can wait. I would rather give you some peace of mind. Have fun, Captain.” He smiled at her while he left for the Bridge. After a few moments Kathryn followed him, excited for duty but also already counting down the hours for 7 pm. 

When Seven entered the Astrometrics Lab, Icheb was there. He turned around at the sound of the door and seeing Seven his face broke into a big smile. “Seven! How are you?”

“I am doing very well, Icheb. How are you?” She replied.

“Doing great, I have been looking through some of the old reports from the first Enterprise and Captain Archer. It is really fascinating. I am sorry I did not come to see you again yesterday. Did you spend the rest of the day with the Captain?” He asked her trying to play it as innocent as he could.

“I did.” Seven paused. She knew that if she did not share more details with him, he would just keep asking her questions. “We had a great day together. After we talked in Sick Bay and confirmed that the workaround was working… we spend the rest of the day in her quarters.”

Icheb’s eyebrows raised, urging her to continue talking.

“We talked and I read some of my personal logs to jog my memory. It was… nice.” She stopped at that understatement, feeling a bit lightheaded and unsure how to convey into words what she had felt the day before.

“ _Nice?_ That’s it? Come on, Seven.” Icheb looked at her with surprise. “Did she tell you she loves you too? Did you kiss?”

Seven blushed and moved over to the screens on the right side of the room. “Yes, she did and yes, we did.”

“Did you spend the night?” Icheb asked.

Seven quickly turned around to look him in the eyes. “I slept on her couch but nothing else happened!”

He quickly raised his hands in the air in surrender. “Sorry, I was not implying anything.” He paused, looking serious again. “Are you officially dating then?”

Seven stopped trying to pull up her personal logs on the screen and pondered his question. “I think so. We did not really specify the terms of our relationship but she did ask me out on a date tonight on the Holodeck.”

Icheb grinned at her but then turned back to his own screens. He did not want to push her too much. “Just know that I am very happy for both of you.”

Seven looked at him as he returned his attention back to his studies. Pride and love welled up inside her. “Thank you, Icheb.” She said as she could not find any other words.

They read for a while, both content with the silence. After a couple of hours Seven’s combadge beeped. “Kathryn to Seven.” 

Seven was startled, first at the sound that pulled her back from the memories she was trying to recover and then at the Captain using her own first name. She quickly glanced at Icheb and caught him smiling again but he had not looked up. “Yes, Kathryn.” She replied.

“How are you? Did you talk to Icheb?” Kathryn asked her and at the mentioning of his name he did look up.

“I did. We are in the Astrometrics Lab right now.” Seven answered.

“Good. I don’t want to keep you… I just wanted to let you know that we can use Holodeck 1 from 7 till 9 pm tonight. Shall we meet inside?” Kathryn’s voice sounded different, Seven realized she was nervous and that made her nervous too. 

“Sounds good. I will be there.” Seven felt like she should say something more but was unsure what it was. 

“Great. Have a nice day and call me if you need anything.” Kathryn told her again.

“Thank you. Have a nice day as well Kathryn.” Seven answered her and then ended the communication.

Icheb looked at her with an exasperated look on his face. “That wasn’t very romantic.”

“I felt self-conscious!” Seven defended herself. “You are here and I did not know who could hear our conversation at her end.”

“Well at least you will have plenty of opportunities to make it up to her tonight.” Icheb was back to his playful self. “What program are you going to run?”

“I don’t know. Kathryn said she knew the right program, she is planning something called a picnic.” Seven was unable to keep the emotion out of her voice. She was nervous for tonight, even more than this morning, but she was also very excited. 

“Sounds like ‘Kathryn’ at least knows what she is doing.” Icheb ducked as Seven threw a padd at his face.

“Be careful, Icheb. You will still have to call her Captain. I will not slip up again myself when I am around you or any of the others.” Seven realized she would have to make a clear distinction between her time alone with Kathryn and the time she spend with the rest of the crew.

“Don’t worry Seven. I was just joking.” Icheb looked at her nervous expression. “Don’t worry about tonight. Just remember to have _fun_.”

The emphasis he put on the last word indicated some special meaning but Seven did not understand. She decided that she needed to go through her personal logs as quickly as possible in the coming days so she would be able to understand all the inside jokes that might come her way.

Turning back to her own screens she considered consulting the general database for dating advice but then returned to her logs. Icheb was right about one thing, Kathryn did know what she was doing. She would be fine going on her first official date as long as it was with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I felt like I owned it to the senior staff and especially Icheb to let them have a moment with the lovebirds.
> 
> Next chapter will be the last chapter for sure this time.


	24. Blaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your patience... here is the last chapter of this story!  
> I spend the last couple of days writing this and going through all the previous chapters to hopefully take out any mistakes that were left and to make sure that the story was fully aligned and complete.  
> I hope you will enjoy this last chapter and please let me know what you think!  
> Thank you!

Seven stood in front of the doors of Holodeck 1, counting down till 7 pm so she would arrive exactly on time. Apparently arriving too early or too late could have some hidden meaning so she wanted to avoid any confusion. 

During her time in the Astrometrics Lab her nerves had multiplied exponentially as the minutes passed, causing the need to research the experience of the first date to become too great and she had returned to the Cargo Bay to give in to it. 

Reading through the rather factual information in the Starfleet database had been very unsettling. The information was stored there to familiarize alien species with the customs of the different Federation species and looking through the information about human romantic relations had made Seven painfully aware of how inexperienced she was. 

There were so many little rituals, so many little customs that could convey intentions in such a variety of ways that she had become terrified of insulting Kathryn or giving her the wrong ideas. Especially because Kathryn probably knew all the complexities of dating.

When she felt like she was going to panic she decided she needed help to analyze this information correctly. After considering the Doctor for a moment she decided that she wanted help from a woman and asked B’Elanna if she could come to the Cargo Bay to talk. 

The Chief Engineer had been very surprised when Seven told her what she wanted to discuss but also quite touched that after everything they went through, Seven would come to her for advice. Of course her impaired memory might have something to do with that but B’Elanna ignored that thought and instead focused on helping Seven in any way she could.

Seven was relieved that Torres quickly dismissed all the information from the database. A first date was different for every couple and a first date on a starship even more so. B’Elannay told Seven about her dates with Tom and they did not sound like the rituals described in the database at all.

“As long as you feel confident and comfortable there is nothing that you can really do wrong, Seven.” She said studying the nervous expression on Seven’s face. “What can help with that is a killer outfit.”

To Seven’s horror and surprise they spent the rest of the time devising an outfit for the date. At first Seven did not believe that different clothes would help her feel better but when she had tried on some of the outfits that B’Elanna replicated, she started to see the appeal. Now she at least looked like a human going on a date.

Finally they settled on a casual outfit as the occasion was a picnic. B’Elanna had advised to wear pants as she wanted Seven to be as comfortable as possible sitting down on the floor. Something she needed to explain to Seven in detail as the former drone did not understand the concept of a picnic at all. 

Knowing the Captain’s heritage growing up on a farm they finally decided on a pair of jeans and a loose fitting navy and white checkered shirt. Next, B'Elanna styled Seven’s hair to fall around her face in waves and then she had left after wishing her good luck. Leaving Seven with some time alone before the date started. 

After taking some calming breaths to control her heartbeat she had left early to find the right Holodeck so she would not arrive too late if she got lost, which was why she had been standing in front of the doors for several minutes waiting for 7 pm.

When she stepped in at exactly the right time she was blinded by a blaze of sunshine.

The light was streaming all around her and when the doors had faded away there were grassy fields surrounding her on all sides. In front of her a small hill rose with a beautiful tall oak tree on the top. Kathryn was standing under it, next to a red and white blanket with a basket on top. 

Seven wanted to walk towards her but did not move as she tried to take it all in. There were fluffy white clouds drifting through the blue sky, shielding her from the sunlight from time to time and causing shadows to ripple over the grass. The smells of the grass and the earth were refreshing but unfamiliar and she tried very hard to remember if she had ever experienced them or had felt sunlight before.

Kathryn watched as Seven was blinking and looking around. She seemed quite dazed and for a moment she feared that it was too much or not at all what Seven had expected. Kathryn quickly walked down the hill to join Seven in the grass. 

“Are you alright? Is it too much?” She asked nervously.

“No… it is beautiful.” Seven answered, still looking around. “I am just trying to remember if I have ever seen anything like this.” 

She knelt down to touch the grass, letting the blades move through her fingers stopping when they met a small white and yellow flower. 

Kathryn sat down on her heels next to Seven and picked one of the flowers and handed it to Seven. She gingerly took it into her human hand, examining it up close and then reached up and placed it in Kathryn’s hair behind her ear.

Kathryn smiled at the sweet instinctive gesture and Seven’s nerves disappeared. Standing up she looked up at the majestic oak tree and the picnic blanket and basket underneath.

“Is this a real place?” She asked Kathryn as they joined hands to walk up the hill.

“I don’t know but I have seen places very similar to this back on Earth. There is a tree very much like this one close to my family’s farm.” Kathryn answered as she sat down, pulling Seven close to her. 

Seven turned her attention to the woman sitting next to her. Now that her mind was no longer trying to place the smells and feelings in her memory, she realized how stunning Kathryn looked. She was wearing graceful sandals and black pants but Seven’s eyes were mostly drawn to the white blouse with the top buttons undone. She could see the freckles on her Captain’s chest and quickly had to look up into her face before she was caught staring.

She swallowed, suddenly her mouth felt very dry. “You look stunning.” She said.

Kathryn blushed faintly and quickly returned the compliment. “Thank you. You too, I love your blue shirt. It brings out your eyes.”

“B’Elanna helped me with the outfit.” Seven quickly explained. “I did not really know what to wear to a picnic so I asked her for help.”

Kathryn smiled, making a mental note to thank her Chief Engineer, not only for helping Seven but for picking out the perfect outfit. Seven looked like a dream.

Seven felt unsure of what to do next. After telling Kathryn how beautiful she looked she had wanted to lean in and kiss her but Kathryn had dipped her head and then had changed the focus to Seven's outfit.

Kathryn sensed Seven’s unease and decided to break the ice with the food she brought. She raised herself to her knees to reach the basket and started unloading it while explaining to Seven what she had brought. 

The food was simple but easy to eat and share. There were wraps and quiches but also small treats like olives, cheese cubes and small pieces of vegetables and fruits. There was even a small box of chocolates and something called Turkish Delight. 

Seven was especially curious about that last one but refrained from asking too many questions about the food. She wanted to focus all of her attention on Kathryn this time. She accepted a wrap and noticed the pleasant taste of it but kept her eyes on the woman sitting next to her, registering her every move.

Kathryn was very aware of Seven’s eyes on her and had some trouble chewing her own food so she wouldn’t choke on it. Looking up she got lost in the piercing blue gaze and she was briefly overcome by the desire to just throw the food away and take Seven in her arms. But at the same time she did not want to be just physical with Seven, especially because Seven was still so fragile and… pure. So she started to talk.

She asked Seven about the memories she still had from her childhood and Seven asked her tons of questions about her own, especially about her family's custom of having picnics on Sundays. They talked for a long time, losing themselves completely to each other, the food and the pleasant surroundings. Nerves forgotten they eased back into just being together.

When the food was mostly gone, Kathryn packed the plates, cups and leftovers back in the basket and moved it away so the space between them was free. She grasped Seven’s hands in her own and looked into her eyes. Her expression turned serious.

“When we get back to Earth, I want to take you home.” She told Seven as her fingers moved over her hands and wrists. “I want you to meet my mother and sister. I want to have a real picnic with you on real grass, show you all my favorite places.”

Seven did not move, mesmerized by the sound and tone of Kathyn’s voice as well as her words. 

“I want to built a home with you.” Kathryn continued. “I know it is still a bit soon to talk about such things but you and I… we are meant to be together. We were meant to find each other and… thanks to you I am actually quite happy to be stranded in the Delta Quadrant.”

She smiled at Seven while tears started to form in her eyes. Seven was dazzled once again by that smile and did not know what to say. She was lost for words so she quickly moved in, reaching one hand up to stroke Kathryn’s face. 

Looking into her gray shining eyes to see if she was doing the right thing she saw no hesitation there, only love so she moved in for their first kiss of that night. 

Kathryn’s head was spinning, she closed her eyes as all her other senses seemed to be heightened. She felt every touch of Seven’s hands on her like a fire spreading across her skin. Her own hands moved through Seven’s golden hair and the softness was etched into her fingertips. Seven’s lips were so smooth and she could not get enough of their taste mixed with the chocolate she had eaten last. 

When the lips moved from her own to her jaw and then to her neck she lost her balance and laid back on the blanket. Seven moved with her and covered her body with her own, supporting Kathryn’s neck with one hand while the other moved to her shoulder and then further down.

Seven felt like she was on fire. Her whole world had been shrunken down to just Kathryn. She was everywhere and she was everything. Falling down on top of her she felt like she was falling down with her into a bliss so perfect that a part of her wanted to cry. 

She loved this woman. There was no doubt about it, ever since she woke up from the second surgery and her memory had been impaired she had always been sure of one thing. Of Kathryn, her Captain, her love. 

They both knew that there were still some challenges ahead. Getting back to Earth, restoring Seven’s memory, building a life together. But they were not worried. As the light of the sinking sun touched them, emblazing them with colors, they were just happy to be in each other’s arms. They had overcome the first hurdle of the failsafe and they would face all the others together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I will have to let this story go...  
> During my trip I was not able to write much but I did come up with several ideas for new stories, including a sequel to this one. So I hope you will check my profile from time to time for something new to read or maybe even subscribe to me. :)
> 
> Thank you again to everyone reading this story, whether it was while I was writing it or at a later time. A special thank you to those who kept leaving comments! If you can, please leave a comment to let me know what you think of this last chapter.


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